Monday, September 30, 2019

October Scopes, and, a bitch is sorry...

apparently I have forgotten to update my blog.  For those of you who still check this, my apologies.

I have been trying to keep my website updated, and I try to maintain the links in either direction, but a bitch is overwhelmed and tired, people. And a bitch forgets things.

So you can always check kelly-mcclain.com for bitchscopes, radio show stuff and who knows what all. A bitch is busy...

Here are OCTOBER Scopes. Sorry about your August and September. It was hot. Planets did things. People struggled. People rejoiced. Clearly you survived.  I drank wine. Next...

Summer is over and I feel like a human again. So here's your October scopes. 

October brings us into the thick of Libra season.  Our lives automatically seem to seek balance. Even the weather evens out.  We get to put away our sweat stained tank tops and put on our cozy pumpkin latte life.  We feel alive, flirty, social (or not, that’s ok too!) and there’s a strong focus on all of our relationships.  But it isn’t only romance that comes under this sign. Libra deals with all partnerships, so your business dealings will come under some scrutiny this month as well. Do you trust the people around you? Where are the imbalances of power, control, justice? October also ushers in a burgeoning mass of  Scorpio energy. (The only word better than “burgeoning” to describe Scorpio might be “throbbing”, but I was trying to be ladylike. Oops. See title of Scopes) Secrets are kept and revealed. The veil becomes thinner and our connection to things unseen becomes more noticeable. Our intuition will get louder this month and next.  It is time to trust...your inner knowing, your self, and the people in your intimate circle. Scorpio loves to plumb the depths of intimacy, and Mercury will retrograde in Scorpio at the end of this month.  This is merc’s 3rd retrograde this year, and all have been in water signs.  How we perceive and communicate our emotions has been under inspection and intensification. In scorpio, the themes of depth, intimacy, shared resources and finances, revelations, and sexuality are all on the docket.  Where you have Scorpio in your chart, expect a deepening of expression and sensitivity.  
The Full Moon is October 13th, in Aries, and the New Moon is October 27, in Scorpio.
There’s an ….”interesting” amount of Plutonian energy, which perhaps you’d expect in October, and what I would consider an unsual number of inconjucts, or Quincunxes.  These are disconnects in the energy of the 2 parties involved. There are only 3 Quincunxes in the list of transits I used to write these scopes, but that is more than any month in recent history. At any rate, it seems significant to me so I’m listening to that.  2 of these aspects are involving Neptune. So while the veil may be thinning, there is still a lot of mystery that we are being asked to embrace. Uranus provides some unexpected action in this mix as well. And Venus jumps at me out of the list. Maybe love is the ultimate mystery this month...

This month promises progress to many signs who have been impatiently doing the work.  There is beautiful and deep potential in this 31 days…

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Aries -  The month of October promises new avenues of career and professional progress for you.  There is work involved, but you have probably already put in the hours. So now, you have to be willing to get out of your own way and accept what life wants to bring you. The last few months have been very trying. You have shed a lot of bullshit from your life and learned, yet again, what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate. What you’ll do to succeed? Move mountains, apparently! No one ever accused an Aries of being lazy!  But your time to shine is here...there’s just some tedious rehearsals before every show. 

Taurus - I feel you emerging from a long sleep of sorts. Things may have been in neutral for the past few months, and some of that has been by your own design.  But I sense there is something waking up within you, something that will have you dissatisfied with what you have been tolerating for some time now. These types of awakenings can come with some harsh reminders, but they mostly feel ...rude...not traumatic.  So tolerate these things as you would a rude customer or client - with dignity and integrity, manners, and stoicness. Then get in your car at the end of the day and swear and eat the best chocolate you can find. Progress is coming!

Gemini - Abundance is the word that came to me when I sat down to write your scope.  And I feel it shows up for you this fall in a number of different areas of life.  Personal growth, personal finances, and personal circle. I feel a growing mental nag that you’ve had for some time, a decision you’re trying to make that you’ve been wrestling probably for too long (mutable problems).  I also sense an educational theme will start emerging soon, or may have already. . Whatever this nag is, it won’t go away, so you may as well pursue it if it isn’t already pursuing you. Also your ability to find, receive, be gifted, and acquire money feels strong this month.  You may have reinvented yourself in certain ways in the last couple of months, and that energy will continue to deepen this fall. That will attract in the new tribe of people you have been hoping for, and soon this abundance energy will show up as a wider circle of friends.  

Cancer - A dual energy comes through for you in October. There is a desire to be at home, to blossom, plant, nurture, be with family, and do the things you adore this time of year. But I feel your career will be opening up in a big, new way, after some surprising turns.  So there will be this opposing energy pulling you in both directions. You are completely capable of handling this dynamic if you determine where your boundaries are. That may prove to be the biggest challenge for you this month.  

Leo -  Your scope has  an odd feel, because it is composed of a mish mash of energies. On the one hand, I feel you have had some health issues nagging you in the last couple months.  I feel this may have rippled into your work/home life in some way. But the other half of this mismatched coin is a celebratory energy around you in October. This leads me to believe that you will experience an uptick in your health and energy this month.  You will be celebrating your self in a number of ways, but not in the Proud Leo Cliche way. This is an authentic appreciation for yourself. And with this wave of odd energy mashups comes an opportunity you’ve been waiting for. So...yay you! Rawr!

Virgo -  You’ve been doing a lot of work on yourself. Some of it has been forced on you over the last year. The last few months in particular were probably intense.  Pain and difficulty never feel like healing, but they are. However, in October I sense a shift into some gentler energy for you. While, on the one hand, work life may get busier, your forced self care starts to actually feel like it’s working.  So if you’ve had the “spiritual flu”, and you’ve been metaphorically rolling around in bed moaning, you’re now about to reach the point of sitting up, eating, watching Oprah, and truly recovering. Yay you!

Libra - Well this is your time to shine and you know it.  You may have been a bit withdrawn over the last couple months, but starting at the end of September, you probably started to feel the shift.  You feel more social again, your flirt muscles can get a proper work out, and you’ll be feeling yourself in various ways. There’s also great career progress building behind the scenes.  Watch for news around December/January regarding an offer of some sort. . Happy Birthday and congrats on the growth!

Scorpio - You’re gearing up to enter your season, but you may not be feeling very party-ish. The time around our birthday is almost always a time of reflection and introspection, and no one does that better than a Scorpio.  So you may be examining choices you’ve made and if they still serve you. Sometimes that shows up as regret and anxiety about what choice to make. You are not one who shies away from sacrifice, but there needs to be a pay off or you won’t touch it.  The good news is, all of this deep reflection is not for nothing. I do feel a shift in your finances coming down the pike. An influx or increase of income, or a new opportunity. The energy is already building, behind the scenes, of course, where all things Scorpio happen!  There’s also a strong sense of satisfaction for you this month, coming from a project you have worked on. Reward yourself - pretend the rainy day is today...

Sagittarius - You are entering a season where you’re being asked to get a bit more intense about a certain part of your life.  You will continue to have to push yourself through the thick parts of this energy. If it all seems like a test, it is.  Do you really want this thing? How bad? How necessary is it? What are you willing to do for it? Where in your life are you struggling? Look to the opposite area of that and turn your truth teller inward and admit where you are deceiving yourself, in denial, or skating by… This is the balance Libra wants you to find…

Capricorn - Congratulations on the movement you’re about to experience, especially in your ever present career zone.   If you’ve been feeling stuck or stagnant, (thanks to a lot of heavy energy in your sign) you’re about to get a refreshing breeze blowing through your life.  Whew - So very needed! No one works harder, or more, than a Cap, and your efforts are going to bear fruit this Fall. The hard work is never really done, but things will feel much less sisyphean going forward.  Your relationships will feel slightly less difficult, and money will be more cooperative as well. There may be one more speed bump before notable progress. And yes, Saturn is with you for another year, but he’s direct and getting shit done!

Aquarius - You have been laying the foundations for things you may not even be aware of. And you will continue to build this month, just by being your weird self. This Fall, you will start to see some interesting things develop in places you didn’t expect.  I sense part of this is new career avenues that you’ve been manifesting but sort of forgot about (which is the best way to manifest!). Now is not the time to become complacent, no matter how frustrated you feel. In fact, whatever you’ve been doing, keep doing it.  The reward is coming. For now, relationships should feel a bit easier than they have in the past few months.

Pisces - There has been a burst of growth for you over the last months, though it may be subtle.  A great deal of healing has taken place and you’re more ready to track down that dream deferred.  This season of connections, though, may distract you from your goals a bit. So stay awake, and stay determined, and stay focused on yourself.  This is hard in a sea of others. If you can differentiate your feelings from everyone else’s you’re half way through the battle! The thing you are most afraid of is also the thing you deeply desire.  Identify what that is and keep your eye on it!








Sunday, June 30, 2019

July BitchScopes


July is bound and determined to align your chakras.  Your root will be a prominent focus, but so will your heart. The eclipses on the Cancer/Capricorn axis will emphasize issues of security, family, emotional ties, as well as how you use that foundation to launch yourself onto the world stage.  
Mercury will retrograde almost all month, first in Leo, and then backing into Cancer.  Issues around communication with authority, security, home and family, emotions, and expression are all up for grabs.  What do you really need to feel secure? That is the question that Mercury will ask.  
Venus is also active this month, but she feels like she’s on simmer.    Things do feel a bit emotionally complicated at times this month, but the payoff feels big. I think you will be dealing with a many sided issue, or several issues around a single thing or person.  But it doesn’t feel like “work”, per se. This just feels like the things you do for love. Sure, maybe it is “duty”, but from duty comes honor.  

Mercury retrograde is book-ended by TWO new moons! What a fantastic opportunity to get clear!  The first new moon, a solar eclipse in Cancer, kicks of the month and sets the stage. Manifest from your heart, from your place of mothering or need for mothering. What do you need to feel nurtured? Claim it!  Shortly after that window the Retrograde kicks off. Did you notice the energy on June 26th? Emotions were probably central,and surprising, the means you use for communicating may be “off”, whether that’s your own mental energy or your email, expect some disconnects.  That may be our theme for this month.  

Mid Month we have the Full Moon and Mercury is at its midpoint around then.  Let’s take a deep breath and observe: where am I relative to where I’d like to be? And also, where am I relative to the cocktails.  Celebrate (or medicate, hell I don’t judge) somehow during this time. And let’s see what unfolds in the USA. Robert Mueller is set to testify around this time.  During a Mercury retrograde in Leo, which represents authority? Hmmmm. Or maybe Mercury will move into Cancer by the time he takes the stand. The USA’s sun sign is Cancer.  Will this challenge authority and leadership, or will it challenge our roots? 

But now back to our regularly scheduled program.  Your Venus is showing. And she’s a little confusing. She’s making some aspects with some fuzzy faced characters so try to stay grounded and don’t let your heart go to drunk Karaoke. 

At the same time Mercury goes direct in Leo, we have another New Moon, also in Leo.  Your words will have a fresh and clear authority now, even if its only to you. Your feelings and your mouth will have a clearer connection and tada...look at that alignment.  Nice Posture! 

And back by popular demand: Bitchscopes Playlists.  This is your quintessential summer road trip playlist for July.  Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBu_VYEf2vRFqCXNfeme3Db7x4Fekx-xZ


For a snapshot of the energy each week, subscribe to my newsletter: https://bit.ly/2vf0WJa

And now, what you all came here for…

ARIES
The first part of this month may feel emotionally awkward for you with too much talk and not enough action.  Can we just get on with it? Ummm, sorry no. You’re not exempt from this annoying exam, darling. But you probably need to get grounded.  You tend to use physicality to sort of get around (cough cough bypass) those bothersome, itchy, scratchy feelings. But you can use your head (Aries pun) too much and end up ungrounded.  Go for a swim, or walk on the beach, or hug a tree. Or eat...you know, that activity you’re often too busy for…
Mercury Rx is going to place some focus on your heart, so when you  start to feel uncomfortable, lean into it. I know you’re not going to, but at the end of the month you’ll re-read this and go “OH, that’s the thing…”  It’s ok. You’re going to be fine regardless. 2nd half of the month agrees with you much more. 

TAURUS
You may find your self doing something foreign to you...being a people pleaser (not in the usual Taurus way, if you catch my drift). Family energy feels strong for you this month, and that is probably what moves you into “I’m a good girl I am” mode. There’s not a thing wrong with this, as long as you do mind your boundaries, which generall you are a bit too good at.  Overall this month feels slow and low, like a good roast. And I know you vibe with that. Keep track of details and don’t get too caught up in your feels, friend.

GEMINI
How was your birthday? OK that’s nice, back to work please.  Just kidding! I’m sure your birthday was amazing! But you will need to find some focus at the beginning of the month.  This early July energy may feel like your not-favorite pair of jeans...too much Cancer energy and not enough Lycra. Mercury retrograde, even though it involves your ruling planet, may not necessarily be a big deal for you. It really depends on where it wanders and with whom.  This one honestly doesn’t feel too crazy - for Gemini itself. But there’s many facets to this energy of course. Later in the month you’ll feel more rejuvenated and like your pants fit better. 

CANCER
Hey, how bout that June, eh? Yeah, it was just a lot all the way around. The cosmic bathwater will be much more to your liking this month, and everyone will be in your front yard, just like you like.  I feel a joyful energy for you, if not some “love you so much” pangs here and there. Your nurturing light will shine bright this month, and a number of your friends may need it. Yes, bring the cookies. Thank you. 

LEO
Why the hell is everyone crying? Can we get this subject back on me now? Gawd!  
The first part of the month may seem too emotional and dramatic in all the wrong ways for you. But by the end of this month you’ll feel a shift, and some things will fall into place and thank God because you might be having a hard time holding your tongue.  Or maybe you won’t hold your tongue, that might be ok too. Sometimes you are the spokesperson and it’s appreciated, trust us. By month’s end, you’ll feel feeling the warmth of your own sun again and noticing the whiners a lot less... You’ll be too busy witht he list the Universe just gave you

VIRGO
You’re doing that serious face again, aren’t you? Well don’t fret, if you can’t find something to obsess about, Mercury will do it for you. Your unconscious mind it going to get tickled, and you know what happens when you get tickled too hard….? That’s right...you pee.  So you may indeed pee your cosmic pants a little and then maybe feel embarrassed depending on whose couch that was. But somewhere in that experience you’re going to find the resolve and sense of humor you’d been looking for under the couch cushions. It was within you all along, just hanging out.  You’ll be getting in touch with some parts of yourself you’ve been missing. So even if you feel awkward and vulnerable at some point, the outcome will be a bit of a rebirth of yourself. 

LIBRA
Is that excitement or nerves? Are you going to laugh, cry, or vomit? Who knows. There’s a lot happening in your inner world that hasn’t made its way to the surface yet.  There is some good financial/career news brewing and you may be feeling the energy before you know what it is. Make a concerted effort to communicate clearly this month, especially the beginning of the month.  By the end of the month the flow will feel a little more natural and the enery will have settled down a bit. But do take a moment to look at and observe yourself this month, instead of worrying about what everyone else is thinking and feeling.  

SCORPIO
Vulnerability is not your favorite color. In fact, you’ve burned everything in your closet that even resembles it.  However, you may find your self in an itchy, ill-fitting, badly tailored shirt made of vulnerabilty this month when more of you gets revealed than you are comfortable with. I’m not referring to your body being physically revealed, because we know you love that, freaky deaky. We’re talking about feelings and secrets and weaknesses.  For some of you, this may take place around career. But regardless the flavor, it is important you sheath your stinger for now. You’ll only sting yourself in the maylay. If you don’t feel confident, fake the hell out of it until the feeling passes.  

SAGITTARIUS
You probably love summertime.  Not only can you frolick and adventure, but your chart sector dealing with philosophy is lit up now too and has been for awhile.  So you are really exploring life’s many meanings. This month is all about fun and family for you, and it will leave a lasting imprint on you.  


CAPRICORN
As hard as you work, sometimes you feel weird about the spotlight.  It could be because you like to be in control of that energy, or it could be a little fear of success.  I realize that sounds like crazy talk to the ever achieving cap. But constant grinding and working is sometimes a distraction from something painful.  Perhaps a goal or opportunity you missed. Or something you want but feel you can’t achieve. This month try to pump your brakes and breathe. Allow life to clarify what’s meaningful to you. You will be pleasantly Surprised where you can end up if you let go of control.  

AQUARIUS
You’ve been feeling the heat, but you continue to hang out in the kitchen.  Perhaps because you know that there’s still something here to absorb or learn.  There is a part of you that will subject yourself to a certain amount of misery or torture or darkness to get to the other side of it. What may take some people years, you can sometimes plow through much faster because you’re stubborn, and apparently made of asbestos.  Point is, your cake is almost baked. You will be shining brighter than ever when you figure out how to eat that cake, and you will. Try to keep control of your mouth this month. Observe and respond, don’t react.   

PISCES

It’s time for you to swim back into deeper water and detox.  For you, that means withdrawing your energy from some people for awhile.  There may be someone whose well intentioned protection of you just begins to feel a bit too heavy.   But because you’ve grown accustomed to this person as a sort of shield, you may have started to doubt yourself.  You are strong and capable. Take this month to manifest and prove your power to yourself.  

Thursday, May 30, 2019

The Bitch is Back - June BitchScopes



Once upon a time, a Bitch took a break for awhile to re-center and re-align with purpose.

I’m talking about myself. I mean, hello...Leo Moon, of course I am.


I took a hard brake - the kind where you slam on the brakes and your purse goes flying onto the floorboard...usually upside down. Then you swear and bitch until you arrive at your destination about how rude physics are, and ponder why you don’t have more zippers in your life. Then you reorganize that mess and find (a couple of mints, some quarters for the snack machine, a lot of bobby pins, and,) a bunch of post it notes with pretty cool stuff on them

So...yeah. Recently I felt like the timing was ripe for a revisit to BitchScopes. So as I relaunch, let’s get re-acquainted with my point of view. I am an intuitive coach with many tools and modalities in my toolbox. Astrology is one of those tools, as well as Tarot, energy work, and my undying passion for all people to love themselves and others more.


Bitch is a much maligned word that has been used to shut (mostly) women down for centuries. Being a Gemini rising, I can’t believe I haven’t explored this avenue before but the origin of “bitch” dates back to the 15th century, where its meaning implied a sexually vulgar woman.


This is from Wikipedia

Bitch, literally meaning a female dog, is a pejorative slang word for a person—usually a woman—who is belligerent, unreasonable, malicious, a control freak, rudely intrusive or aggressive. When applied to a man, bitch is a derogatory term for a subordinate. Its original use as a vulgarism, documented from the fifteenth century, suggested high sexual desire in a woman, comparable to a dog in heat. The range of meanings has expanded in modern usage. In a feminist context, it can indicate a strong or assertive woman.


Shout out to Wikipedia for highlighting the modern feminist connotation, because that’s where I’m aiming with my work. We are controlled in many ways, but language need not be one of them.

So from my newly emblazened path I offer you this: please embrace your innate boldness of spirit, and your inner Bitch…

June’s Vibe - The month of June offers your the ability to connect your thought processes to your higher self, to gather in some much needed “knowing”. Your intuition will be strong, and your drive wlll be on fire. This month is about finding a proper channel for all of this. But Gemini season is also about social connections, curiosity, and humor. So utilize the over arching energy to channel your inner drives. 

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Aries
Is an Aries ever NOT fired up? That fire is always burning but right now it is burning hot. You have a clear vision of something and your laser sights are focused on it. You will need to consciously keep your energy, and your temper, in check. Your ruling planet has oppositions to both Saturn and Pluto this month and both of these transits are powerful. Channel your power into a truly effective medium, action, or process and you’ll see your vision come to life.


Taurus 
Sometime we are our own worst enemy - well, no...always. We are always our own worst enemy. You may find yourself ruminating (aka: pouting) about something that happened that, frankly, you did to yourself. Owning it is perfect right action, but dwelling in it isn’t beneficial. Can you pull the meaning and lesson out of it? Where did you allow yourself to be blinded? This month your ruling planet will help you connect with your higher thoughts and move through this energy you’re struggling with. This is a montht to recuperate and rest, and do what you do best...indulge.


Gemini
Your energy will be very high for most of this month. Having the Sun shine on your sign will warm your long hibernating drive. Your mental energy will rise way up and offer you insights that you have been tirelessly seeking for a few months. Don’t be surprised however if you feel “ignited”. Use your vitality to inspire and warm others. It may feel less like optimism this month and more like righteous indignation at times. I know you’ll use it wisely though, because your mental powers are strong! Oh, and Happy Birthday.


Cancer
I gotta say, rebellion looks pretty good on you. You’re a hard one to figure out sometimes because you use your shell for so many purposes. But this month you may find yourself challenging norms and expectations, using your shell as a battle shield at times. You’re on a mission to accomplish something and nothing will stop you. Except birthday cake!

Leo Clear a path, Leo is comin’ in hot! You’re on the verge of a break-through of some kind, Leo. Sometime you’ve been working on or search for is forming behind the scenes now. I don’t think you’ll be very concerned with the goings on around you, or other people’s dramas, as you are in a bit of a bubble and focused on you. Yes, that can be a shadow behavior for Leo sometimes, but other times, its necessary to achieve, and achievement is delicious to a leo. Try to keep your impatience in check.


Virgo
You may feel the need to withdraw, heal, and prepare this month. Perhaps nothing is “wrong” per se, but you will find yourself in organization and preparation mode. You may not know why, but the Universe does. What do we prepare for? Trips, arrivals, tests, competititions, parties. Where your thoughts and desires flow, allow them. Just have fun with whatever shows up and make sure you get lots of rest this month.


Libra
You may be feeling nervous, anxious, excited - its all the same core energy. Something is happening and you can’t see it yet, you can only feel it. You may find yourself seeking the balance that you require, but overlooking something rather obvious in the search. When baby proofing a home, some people crawl on hands and knees to better spot temptations and dangers. Change your perspective so you can see potentials clearly. But I can already feel you fretting that this is something bad. You have every reason to feel optimistic, so keep your thoughts in balance too.


Scorpio
You will be in observation and recon mode this month. You’re collecting data for some kind of strategic move. You may not even realize you’re doing this, although I suspect you are completely conscious of it. You may or may not be clear on what the move is yet, but it will show up very soon and you’ll be armed with the facts needed to navigate the decision. This feels like something that benefits you, almost solely (and that’s not a bad thing) rather than a family or company or group. Whatever it is, you will see the benefits in coming months.


Sagittarius
You’re so bored. Everything feels mundane and meaningless. You’re disappointed in something that happened or didn’t happen the way you were hoping, and you’re so hungry for a new adventure you may be feeling some anxiety in your body. In this case, this kind of anxiety is really just energy that needs to move, needs an outlet. You may be feeling somewhat uninspired and unsure where to find your thrill, but it will show up around mid-month, which now that I look is exactly when the full moon is in your sign! Do what you can to quell your jumpiness until then.


Capricorn
You are a gifted skeptic, and while some people dislike that word, it is a necessary talent. You, more than anyone, are skilled in seeing the holes in something. This gift is what enables you to scale any obstacle in your way. A dubiousness will enter your awareness this month, so I would advise you to allow yourself to embrace your cunning nature and find ways around these holes. You will be the first to the top and then who are they calling a pessimist?!

Aquarius 
There is a growing fire inside you that you should honor. You may be feeling some of your shadow energy at your back. Emotions such as anger, impatience, and general dissatisfaction may be looming. If you channel these wisely, they will fuel your fire, not burn you. You must find your footing and craft your own dance, not try to learn the steps of others. There is strong energy from Mars, Neptune, Mercury and Venus this month. Let your mental energy flow and connect with your deeper calling. You are needed.


Pisces 
You may not realize it, but you have been a little detached and possibly less aware of the people around you than you normally are. This is both a mechanism for protection and a device for escape. Your compassionate gifts are being called up both on a personal and much grander scale. So when you hear that voice, feel that tug, are drawn to “that thing”...follow it. June’s energy will allow you to connect with your deep inner self without the need for added protection while you do so. You are already protected

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Let me Bitchsplain this...

ICYMI, I have not been on radio.

I struggle to share certain things about my personal journey…sometimes. And it’s a little confusing because I don’t know what my own algorithm is.  I was very open about the experience of losing my dad and clearly have no problem crying on the air. I’ve shared many personal stories on the radio.  But sometimes I just struggle with the "who cares?" demon.  I think this is my Mercury in Capricorn’s fault.  “Does this feel like it has a purpose Kelly?”  This is  part of why I haven’t been able to cough up a book.  I am certain there is purpose and meaning  in my personal journeys but then my Aquarius sun goes “sharing is boring. Let’s change the world silly emo girl”.

I'm already making faces at the screen as I type.  But aaaaanyway, earlier this year I hit a wall.  2 parts frustration, 1 part depression, 1 part creative boredom, and 16 parts over commitment.  I needed a break from the way too many commitments I had started suffocating on. I had, at 1 point, 2 radio shows, horoscopes, a newsletter, some youtube stuff, a full time job as a marketing director, the client work, oh, and children. you know...no big.  (Please visualize the faces I am making at myself as some voice in my head chides “Bitch, get off the cross, it’s almost Easter…”

Ugh. Anyway, I just felt like I was going to explode or die or something. I think "Bajiggity" is the perfect word. Bajiggity level 9. So I started peeling things back little by little but no relief came. So I just reached out to my people and said "I have to take a break". And my people were supportive and great. I did it with no announcement or post or blog or “to be continued” or anything because I just had nothing to say about it.  So there we are.  

For me, putting the microphone away has been weird and I’m still not sure what to do with my energy.  I need more.  But the radio show turned podcast that started as “Armed & Dating” still lives. We’ve really wandered around on brand identity but we landed here on Bitchsplainin’, as a nod to the mansplaining world we trudge through. The issues that I really want to talk about, I talk about them here.

So as we try to grow this into something, I would love your support, subscriptions, reviews etc.  There are a million voices out there. I listen to a lot of podcasts and I can tell you, a lot of them suck.  Like anything in the modern world, it’s easy to ignore the stuff we like.  But when you see a post you like on social media, or a video or a podcast that you dig, you should like it, as in, the action of “liking” it.  Otherwise, the voices you want to hear are drowning in a sea of algorithms and bullshit.

But you can listen there, or at Podomatic, or on Spotify


And I’m trying to motivate myself to amp up my YouTube channel. Why this is a struggle is something I’m still figuring out. Creative burn out? Yes.  But also I think I’m really angry about stuff going on in the big world and in my small world, and I’m trying to find a voice for that anger.  I’m not afraid of being a bitch.  But I do want to be understood that the anger has a (fucking capricornian) purpose.  I’m tired of people hating themselves because of societal and cultural paradigms that are ridiculous, limiting, and damaging. So I am Bitchsplaining…

Friday, February 15, 2019

I'm listening.

I made a decision a few years ago to slow down my personal pace. I don't drive slower, but I do drive with less anxiety and rush in my intention. Any speed I experience is for the enjoyment of driving, honestly.  I slowed down the way I walk, and it was with intent.  I used to walk really briskly and be constantly in a hurry.  I was also always a little late.  (Strangely when I slowed down, I stopped being late).  I handle my mornings a little more slowly. I eat with a little more purpose and a little less rush. I just try to be a little more present.

It wasn't an easy habit to break. I had been rushing since I was 15 I think.   That's when I started working in an office doing accounting and purchasing. I left straight from school and went to work. I did that all through High School and then college. In school, I pulled straight A's from the get-go, with the occasional blip in math or history. I was never late, never ditched, always pulled my weight in the dreaded group projects, always met my deadlines.  I wouldn't have been a slacker if there were directions on how to be a slacker (too busy to read directions).  Unless it was for extra credit...

Hi, my name is Kelly and I have Capricorn issues...

 In about 2002 the pace of my work life took a huge uptick.  I took on a really demanding job where I was on call 24/7.  I would be awakened by my cell phone at all hours of the night. I was on call at Disneyland. I was on call when I was sick. I had to think fast and on my feet.  And I was always hurrying, grinding. And the thing is, I loved it. I was really happy and I loved that job. I became a mother in 2003 and again in 2008 and each time the pace of my life got cranked up considerably. In 2009 I lost that job when the market crashed and the oil industry took some hits.  Then in 2010 I left my marriage.  Things didn't slow down, however. I didn't really know how to slow down unless I was asleep (if I'm being honest, I did a lot of sleeping in 2010).

Being a single mother, unhappily unemployed didn't make me chill, for sure. I was in a panic at all times. My son started Kindergarten that Fall and that was so scary and weird and stressful.  I needed to find work, but his school didn't have after school care, I couldn't afford after school care, and if I worked I'd have to drive him to after school care and what would an employer think of that?! (The problem with that, in case you don’t see it, is that I was paralyzed by the thought of disappointing someone.  Employees do have children. Many employers allow their workers to adjust hours to do what they must.  But I was drowning in fear).  There weren't any jobs anyway, so I was just stuck. Which was a whole other flavor of panic. I was getting a divorce on top of all that, and that was horrific. But I was still clipping along at an exhaustive mental pace, even in utter depression. I was always in a panic.

I started finding work again after an entire year, and the panic continued. It was not just manufactured in my head, however. People and the world at large had some strange expectations.  I was working for practically nothing, trying to meet quotas, working in an office that was inhumanely cold, and the environment was toxic as hell.  My uncle was dying, and I can't remember the exact series of events but I requested to leave work to be with him and my family.  They begrudgingly said "OK" and I was with him and my family until  he passed a few hours later. When I returned the next day or later that same day, my eyes were red and I was tired and emotional. I got called into my supervisor's office and told to square myself away and get my work done. 

As I type that it makes me cry to think of how miserable I was. But I was still grinding away for these people that didn't have any human decency.

Better jobs came, one and then another. And I was still rushing and busting my ass. I was setting up huge demonstrations and events completely by myself for 3 days straight.  Hiking up and down stairs with big metal sign frames, hurting myself often,  hauling things around in my own car. And I was constantly in a hurry.

It became obvious to me that I was in adrenal fatigue, if not close to adrenal failure.  I was dizzy all the time. My nerves were frayed. I was jumpy, teary, wobbly.  I passed out a couple times. I had heart palpitations. I could not stop crying. And that's when I said "Kelly, what the fuck are you doing?"

And I caught myself one morning walking through the parking lot at a New York pace and I slowed down to a Tennessee stroll. I consciously trained myself to physically slow down.  Sure I probably burn fewer calories, but the damage I did to my adrenal system had my cortisol levels way out of wack anyway so rushing around wasn't going to give me a flat tummy any time soon.

So I walk at a comfortable pace now, even if I'm trying to be on time.  I mean, there's no algae growing on me.  . I do think sloths are really cute, and my weekends are pretty damn lazy by design, but  I'm not sloth level  quite yet.

But even still, life has a way of letting you know to chill the fuck out.  This time it wasn't my adrenal system, thankfully. It was just my spirit.

Just. It was "just" my spirit.

When my dad died, some shifts started within me.  I knew I would be changed but I didn't know what that would look like.  Those changes are at least a chapter of a book in themselves so I'll summarize by saying a lot of things I did just to please other people or to avoid a fuss, I stopped doing. Unless it served me in some way, or was specifically required of me, I stopped being extra nice, extra sacrificial, extra apologetic.  Some fucks definitely fell off the wagon.

My relationship with my partner has taught me so much in a short time.  Again, there's a whole chapter there...but one of the things was how to relax. The man is not really the King of sitting still, but he is so much fun to be around. At times I felt like a rescue dog who was learning how to play with a ball.  I didn't know how to vacation, to relax, to let go.  He taught me.  (As lessons go, it definitely has not sucked!)  And as I have continued to grow into my new self, I found myself questioning why I was doing certain things.

I was grinding, constantly. Working full time, then working part time, then working at promoting my own business that I truly love. I was helping promote others (often more than myself).  I was undervaluing my self, my talents, and my time. I was doing things I thought I had to do, or needed to do. It all felt urgent and necessary. But I was not in alignment with myself. And so I started to peel back things, one later at a time. I wasn't really sensing a lot of relief or release though, until I let go of the one thing I thought I HAD to hang on to.

Therein lies the rub. The thing you're clinging to the fiercest is probably the thing you should take your hands off of, so that God can actually steer you.

I did that, thanks to the Eclipse on my birthday.  I wasn't expecting any of it to look like it did...hello Uranus!  But I immediately knew it was the right thing for me.

Evidence of this might be the fact that I am writing this. And I have not written a thing in 2 months...

I have received some emails and messages criticizing this, that and the other and asking me where this thing is or why haven't I done that thing.  But that's ok.  I'm letting God steer right now.   I'm trying to shape my dreams into life.

I have this fortune cookie fortune that keeps showing up no matter how hard I try to lose it or get rid of it.  I have nothing against it, but its just a piece of paper in my purse, and I swear I've tossed it out 6 times with receipts and trash.  It has been in my wallet, in my make up bag, and in the bottom of the purse where the change and ticket stubs hang out. And yet, I keep finding it on my desk.  It says "In dreams and in life, nothing is impossible".

OK.  I'm listening.

so stay tuned...




Friday, November 30, 2018

December BitchScopes



Well Thank God we are past Scorpio season. No offense to any of my Scorps, I do love y’all. But that was just a lot of stingers being wagged for the last ...too long! Jupiter moved out of Scorpio after a long year of uncovered secrets, scandals, closets falling open, skeletons dancing around etc. Apparently it got to me, because I took the month of November off from almost all writing. I thought I may take off for longer but my chakras got itchy.

So here we are, in optimistic Sagittarius. There’s a lot of energy hanging out in the sign of the Philosopher right now and it mostly feels muuuuuch better! It’s like we’ve been seeing a shiatsu massage therapist for a long time and we didn’t realize that her angst about her divorce was being taken out on our body. But then that angry bitch finally took a vacation and her subsititute massage therapist has a much nicer touch. Some knots are still being worked out, but not so aggressively or with so much elbow.

(God I love my analogies!)

Anyway, yes here we are. Mercury is retrograde for only a few more days. It does slide backward into Scorpio for the last 6 days of its retro disco, but it won’t be like what we survived in Scorpio season. Once we pass that, frankly, December could be pretty frickin’ sweet! 2019 is shaping up to re-juice many career sectors. December is the set up for a fresh start. Get out your glitter and put on your dancing shoes.

ARIES

Your work life is going through a rebirth as we speak. Mars, your ruling planet has you awkwardly in your feelings for a few weeks before it moves into your sign, givng you the turbo boost you’ve craving. When the Sun enters Capricorn on the 21st, you’ll start to feel your ambition and determination coming back, after feeling beaten down for a few months. You’ll be evaluating your home life thanks to that Cancer full moon, but that’s part of the work-balance you’ll be trying to strike for most of 2019. Ambition has never been a relaxing past time, darling. But it’s your best color so get ready to shake that ass!

TAURUS

Your ruling planet will side step into Scorpio once again (this time moving forward) which could create some relationship intensity for you. Don’t whine, babe, because honestly, all of us have had to take this vitamin recently with Venus’s drunken stumble through her retrograde this Fall. You’ll be OK. This will be balanced with the possibility of some hubba hubba thanks to the new moon. Don’t go crazy, just enjoy the diversion! When the sun moves into Cap shortly before Christmas, you’ll feel energized and ready to take on the holiday with all its cashmere wonders.

GEMINI

Mercury retros are always uh...interesting for you. And let’s be honest, Scorpio season kicked your ass. So you may have been choking back some words or ideas or had some screwy thinking the last month or 2. This month will feel so much better, and the new and full moon will both be nuruturing and ripe for new starts just in time for the New Year. Check your busy little brain for any signs of unforgiveness or grudgey shit before you slide into the holidays. Whatever is there, work it out gently and with ease.


CANCER

You have a full moon this month, Crabby. You’ve been feeling pretty damn good and maybe you’re not sure what everyone is bitching about regarding all this Scorpio business. Its less miserable for you, probably, because its a fellow water sign. This month’s planetary “stuff” may have you more emotional than you have been in awhile. Things could feel a little uphill for parts of this month, in terms of your energy, or your thoughts and feelings. Your partnerships will feel the warmth of the sun late this month and into January, though, so you can find some rest there. You can trust your holidays will feel grounded and sentimental, which suits you fine!

LEO

Put your party face on, BitchWhiskers. Your chart is lit up and tingly in all the right ways. This time of year has you feel creative, romantic and flirty leading up to the holidays. Then you may have to put on your responsible panties, I’m afraid. It’s ok, they aren’t a thong. You’ll take care of business like the boss bitch that you are, and then the full moon will ask “anything else, darling?” and you’ll say “yes, please, let’s let go of this old emotional shit before the new year, shall we?” and so it is!

VIRGO

Mercury direct will defintely feel like a relief to you, and I think that’s not the only gift this month has for you. Your home life is different, something is definitely different ...oh...it’s YOU. The moon will have you reflecting on what makes a home and family and resolving to do some work. Work is what you’re good at, after all. However, your house of fun will have some twinkle lights hung as well so it’s not all work and no play. It’ll be just enough to remind you that you really don’t need that thing/person/feeling/baggage, and you’ll be ready to leave whatever it is on the curb as you sashay into 2019.

LIBRA

Your ruling planet has been a little drunk. Venus staggered backward through Scorpio in the Fall and now she’s coming back for one more dance. She’s sober now, so it’s OK. But you’ll definitely feel her presence...in a good way. Your house of money will get a little pinch on the ass to start. The Sun will spin you around in your house of family, and then the moon will dip you deeply in your career house. Are you dizzy? You might be, but its all good. You should probably wear comfy shoes…

SCORPIO

We all may be talking a lot of shit about your sign, but the truth is, you’re a badass and we all know it. The recent transits have hit you hard, and you’ve felt the pressure but here you are, lookin’ fly as ever and still kickin’ ass. Your bank account could get a nice kiss this month, and your inspiration will get a little nibble as well. You may find yourself really going after something you’ve put off for a while now, without the fear you had about it before. Get after it, you’ve more than earned the spotlight, you sexy bitch!

SAGITTARIUS

You’re likely feeling the warmth of all those planets rubbing elbows in your sign. Even though your birthday season will be coming to a close, Capricorn season will be tickling your sense of value. You’ve been in deep thought for some time now and you’re probably a lot clearer about your goals, especially where personal relationships are concerned. Both the new and full moon this month will nudge you positively along that path. 2019 is going to feel a lot different for you, and that’s a good thing!

CAPRICORN

Things should be feeling “fresh” for you, Cap. If it doesn’t yet, the new and full moon this month will do the trick. There’s some powerful energy in your neighborhood, and there’s no question that you’ll be leveling up in 2019 in ways you never saw coming in 2018. Reflect on ways you can lighten your load, which is to say work on releasing some old emotional “stuff” before you move ahead. It’s like exfoliating before applying lotion...it just works better! There are some people you need to let go of, and some people you need to remember. Exfoliate & Moisturize.

AQUARIUS

As sick of you may be of “carrying the water”, it appears you’re kicking ass at it. Your work life could see a nice boost in the near future. Take some time this month to really explore what your dreams are right now. Lord knows you’ve changed your mind and reinvented yourself more times than Madonna, so it is important to review where you’ve been and where you are, as well as what you wanted then, and what you want NOW. Take this time to nourish your soul. Also a good idea to get your messy shit together and get a little organized. Simplify your routine before your birthday rolls around. You’ll be glad you did.

PISCES

Don’t fight the magic, Fishface. There’s some good juju brewing. Your career and social connections are amping up to spin you around the dance floor. Say yes. Say yes. Say yes.

You will feel some deep emotional pulling as the old falls away and new opportunities show up. Say yes. You will feel afraid. Say yes. Am I getting through? Take the wub.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

OCTOBER BITCH SCOPES



The over arching theme in October will no doubt be Venus in Scorpio. Venus is retrograde in Scorpio, in fact, starting October 5th. But we’ve already been feeling it and getting hints as to what this will probably look like since Venus entered the retrograde shadow on September 3rd. Venus in Scorpio is intense, possibly demanding, maybe jealous. But this isn’t just about romance. In fact, this isn’t about romance at all, since that’s more of a 5th house thing. This could be about sex, but not fling-y sex...deeply connected transformative type sex. This transit is likely to check on your intimacy skills in some way or another. However, one of Venus’ qualities that is often overlooked is money! In Scorpio, this is about “other people’s money”: alimony, taxes, loans, inheritances ...etc. So some of these themes may crop up as well. How we manage money and how we value it/spend it will be something many of us will be looking at this month. This transit does have a tendency to bring back exes. But they are usually exes for good reason...so when the specter of your former lover appears, tempting you with what is probably bullshit...swipe left and move along. Not all relationships will feel challenged during this time, some will deepen. So try to keep your fears under control. Write them down if you must. Face them. That’s scorpio!

Venus in Scorpio is sort of the grand finale of what Jupiter in Scorpio has been doing all year. Venus will will highlight a lot of the wounds around the Divine Feminine. If you haven’t been watching the news at all, I’ll just summarize and tell you...yeah, that’s happening already. It probably sounds obvious and cliche at this point, especially if you are on social media at all, but you WILL hear women’s voices much louder than before, and I don’t think they’ll be as shush-able as in times past.

This will be a season of depth, regardless of whether you dive solo or with a partner. We’ll be finishing the year strong, after a summer of awkwardness. We have been in a refining process, a process of purification in some ways, and that involves heat. We’re cooling off now, gathering in what we now know, and we can plan for a kickass 2019. This is my favorite month of the year I think, and I do think it is ripe for self discovery and progress. So this months BitchScopes are written with that goal in mind.


ARIES - Lookit you with your big girl panties! You have made big strides since the beginning of September and you should be really proud of yourself. Your fire is back and we’re all relieved, because if you werent riding all of our asses, we might all become Aquarians. Anyway you seem to be on track and clearer about your goals. Don’t burn yourself out, and mind your chaos gremlins. Relationships still feel a little lukewarm for now, with improvement steadily building. Yes, those shoes are perfect and no, you can’t wear Ath-leisure clothing to work.


TAURUS - Scene: Autumn leaves falling, Taurus eating pumpkin spice pringles while having a food massage with organic soy peppermint foot cream. The phone rings, and Taurus’ eyes go wide because something, somewhere in the Universe has changed…
teehee...I poke fun at Taurus often, because I’m truthfully very fond of y’all. You ARE stubborn, but my goddess you have great taste! When I need to take care of myself and be in the moment, I channel Taurus. I hope you enjoyd your summer of sloth, because I feel things will get much busier this fall and winter. Your personal freeway will have a lot of traffic, and you will have some opportunities that test your patience (wait...you have that?) a bit. Can you get out of your own way and face your fears? Of course you can!

GEMINI - A moody Gemini? No way! Unbunch your socialite panties and do some journaling. You may feel pretty burned out as the month begins, Gemmy. You’re tired of talking, being the hub, having all the ideas, and you may feel kinda pissy about the lack of recognition you’ve received. But things are shifting. But here’s the rub … you may receive some kind of offer from someone you really don’t like very much. DOH! Now what? Well no one doubts that you will handle this with the on-your-feet-thinking you’re famous for. Boundaries will be important this month, as well as strategy. You may need to call a Virgo or a Capricorn to help you do some planning.

CANCER - Do you feel like you’re watching everyone around you lose their mind? You are almost always the island in a sea of shitstorms. Well, once again, you’re it! Boundaries will be crucial for you this month as you navigate all of your people’s dramas and needs. You are skilled at this so I’m not worried. The tricky thing this month will be figuring out how to say things that need to be said without freaking out your already-freaked-out people. Just think before you speak, especially with people whom you love but have annoyed you recently. It’s a good month to mend fences as well. Have a pumpkin spice cookie, you diplomat!

LEO - Your mane looks a little ruffled, and we know its not for lack of grooming products. Seems it might be your turn to take everything personally, especially as the month begins. Fortunately for us all, as the month progresses, you’ll be feeling less over sensitive. A positive step in the right direction, if I may just say, would be to let down your pious hair and take off your pants. You seem uptight. Practice not giving a fuck ASAP because you may have to tolerate something annoying this month. If you can manage to not roll your eyes too much, you stand to make a positive business connection this month.

VIRGO - Hey...step out of your head and check the weather out here...it’s nicer than in there, I promise. You are probably one of the signs most prone to anxiety, and you are living up to your legends lately. Use your tools and realize that the stories in your head are probably only in your head. You will need to handle business at some point, so pull your shit together and do some yoga, because you’re gonna need some oummmm. Practice acting digified and unaffected, because you’ll likely find yourself short on patience. It will pass. Stay out of jail. Do something just for fun. That’s right. Read it again, Virg...JUST for fun.

LIBRA Happy Birthday, Libra! You look mahvelous! Things should be feeling pretty good all around, but for that nagging ache in your bank account. Issues around money are definitely up for investigation and exploration. Nothing bad is going on, but some details you’ve been lax about are just popping up for attention. By the end of this year, it should feel much more managed and manageable. Personal relationships should feel much nicer now than they have over the last few months and that will continue. It’s time to lace up your gloves and get to work on business. Get your resume polished up and go after what it is you really WANT. No, Libra, not what you think other people want you to want...what YOU want!

SCORPIO You’re probably feeling more chipper than you have in a few months, so if your friends are asking you what’s wrong, it may be because you are not scowling so much. Maybe it’s your approaching birthday season, could be the cooler weather, or could be that things in life seem to be going your way and you’re feeling pretty good about it. No one is questioning what’s behind this improved mood, trust us! You seem to have more to look forward to in the coming weeks, because romance may sweep in to your life, or deepen. Venus retrograde in your sign will likely add some zing to both love and money for you...lucky you! Does your face hurt yet?

SAGITTARIUS You could be feeling like quite the social butterfly this month Sadge. Not that you usually aren’t out among people, but this has been more of a fraternizing vibe and less of a teams conquering mountains vibe. I think it’s called “fun”. You may unintentionally discover a rich business opportunity that you should explore. However, in between bouts of your characteristic optimism, you may find yourself mulling over some thoughts that aren’t as fun. You may be examining your life more closely and asking yourself why you’re not “over there” as opposed to “here”. While the old adage about green grass is true, you’d do well to allow some examination of the ways you may have held yourself back in the last couple years, particularly financially.

CAPRICORN Hovering somewhere between bored and uninspired, there’s Capricorn with that look on your face that says “Bitch, Please”. You have a well earned superiority complex and you are probably super tired of explaining things to people who just don’t seem to even want to get it. But unfortunately, further explanation is needed and you’re the best explainer. Whatever this somewhat frustrating scenario is, it should feel much better by the end of this month, into November. Try this - flirting. No, I’m serious. Stop looking at me like that.


AQUARIUS If anyone needs alone time right now, it’s probably you. Not because you need a vacation, per se. “Love humanity, can’t stand humans” is the in-jest motto of Aquarius. You’re on the right-hand side of that equation right now. You are really not enjoying most of the humans around you, and your poker face is...oh wait! You never HAD a poker face! Your candor and sharp mind are needed now, however, so don’t back away from the human circus just yet. You will find comfort for your sharp corners in artsy things this month.


PISCES I see that trout pout. If you’ve been feeling disappointed lately, you probably have valid reasons. Maybe because some people in your social circle just suck. Looks like your inspiration is going to have to come from within. However, a NEW friendship could infuse your pond with a much needed dose of connection and kindred goodness. Also on the docket this month is some fence mending. Things will be lookin’ up, fish face! It may be safe to leave the house this month!



October 2– Mercury square Pluto - tendency to assume the worst,
October 5 – Venus Retrograde Scorpio
October 8 – New Moon Libra , 8:46 pm pst
October 9 - Mercury Enters Scorpio - deeper communication and exploration of thought
October 10 – Mercury opposite Uranus - unexpected insights
October 10 – Venus square Mars - sexual tension
October 12 – Sun square Pluto - power struggle
October 15 – Mercury conjunct Venus - love confessions
October 19 – Mercury trine Neptune - creativity, fantastic thinking
October 19 – Mercury square Mars - short temper
October 23 – Sun opposite Uranus - craving freedom
October 23 - Sun Enters Scorpio - explore the depths
October 24 – Full Moon Taurus, 9:45pm pst
October 26 – Sun conjunct Venus - attraction central
October 29 – Mercury conjunct Jupiter - good news and optimism
October 31 – Venus opposite Uranus - desire for excitement
October 31 - Mercury Enters Sagittarius - thoughts are more optimistic, philosophical
October 31 - Venus Retrograde Enters Libra - focus of Venus rx shifts to relationship balance