Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Let me Bitchsplain this...

ICYMI, I have not been on radio.

I struggle to share certain things about my personal journey…sometimes. And it’s a little confusing because I don’t know what my own algorithm is.  I was very open about the experience of losing my dad and clearly have no problem crying on the air. I’ve shared many personal stories on the radio.  But sometimes I just struggle with the "who cares?" demon.  I think this is my Mercury in Capricorn’s fault.  “Does this feel like it has a purpose Kelly?”  This is  part of why I haven’t been able to cough up a book.  I am certain there is purpose and meaning  in my personal journeys but then my Aquarius sun goes “sharing is boring. Let’s change the world silly emo girl”.

I'm already making faces at the screen as I type.  But aaaaanyway, earlier this year I hit a wall.  2 parts frustration, 1 part depression, 1 part creative boredom, and 16 parts over commitment.  I needed a break from the way too many commitments I had started suffocating on. I had, at 1 point, 2 radio shows, horoscopes, a newsletter, some youtube stuff, a full time job as a marketing director, the client work, oh, and children. you know...no big.  (Please visualize the faces I am making at myself as some voice in my head chides “Bitch, get off the cross, it’s almost Easter…”

Ugh. Anyway, I just felt like I was going to explode or die or something. I think "Bajiggity" is the perfect word. Bajiggity level 9. So I started peeling things back little by little but no relief came. So I just reached out to my people and said "I have to take a break". And my people were supportive and great. I did it with no announcement or post or blog or “to be continued” or anything because I just had nothing to say about it.  So there we are.  

For me, putting the microphone away has been weird and I’m still not sure what to do with my energy.  I need more.  But the radio show turned podcast that started as “Armed & Dating” still lives. We’ve really wandered around on brand identity but we landed here on Bitchsplainin’, as a nod to the mansplaining world we trudge through. The issues that I really want to talk about, I talk about them here.

So as we try to grow this into something, I would love your support, subscriptions, reviews etc.  There are a million voices out there. I listen to a lot of podcasts and I can tell you, a lot of them suck.  Like anything in the modern world, it’s easy to ignore the stuff we like.  But when you see a post you like on social media, or a video or a podcast that you dig, you should like it, as in, the action of “liking” it.  Otherwise, the voices you want to hear are drowning in a sea of algorithms and bullshit.

But you can listen there, or at Podomatic, or on Spotify

And I’m trying to motivate myself to amp up my YouTube channel. Why this is a struggle is something I’m still figuring out. Creative burn out? Yes.  But also I think I’m really angry about stuff going on in the big world and in my small world, and I’m trying to find a voice for that anger.  I’m not afraid of being a bitch.  But I do want to be understood that the anger has a (fucking capricornian) purpose.  I’m tired of people hating themselves because of societal and cultural paradigms that are ridiculous, limiting, and damaging. So I am Bitchsplaining…

Friday, February 15, 2019

I'm listening.

I made a decision a few years ago to slow down my personal pace. I don't drive slower, but I do drive with less anxiety and rush in my intention. Any speed I experience is for the enjoyment of driving, honestly.  I slowed down the way I walk, and it was with intent.  I used to walk really briskly and be constantly in a hurry.  I was also always a little late.  (Strangely when I slowed down, I stopped being late).  I handle my mornings a little more slowly. I eat with a little more purpose and a little less rush. I just try to be a little more present.

It wasn't an easy habit to break. I had been rushing since I was 15 I think.   That's when I started working in an office doing accounting and purchasing. I left straight from school and went to work. I did that all through High School and then college. In school, I pulled straight A's from the get-go, with the occasional blip in math or history. I was never late, never ditched, always pulled my weight in the dreaded group projects, always met my deadlines.  I wouldn't have been a slacker if there were directions on how to be a slacker (too busy to read directions).  Unless it was for extra credit...

Hi, my name is Kelly and I have Capricorn issues...

 In about 2002 the pace of my work life took a huge uptick.  I took on a really demanding job where I was on call 24/7.  I would be awakened by my cell phone at all hours of the night. I was on call at Disneyland. I was on call when I was sick. I had to think fast and on my feet.  And I was always hurrying, grinding. And the thing is, I loved it. I was really happy and I loved that job. I became a mother in 2003 and again in 2008 and each time the pace of my life got cranked up considerably. In 2009 I lost that job when the market crashed and the oil industry took some hits.  Then in 2010 I left my marriage.  Things didn't slow down, however. I didn't really know how to slow down unless I was asleep (if I'm being honest, I did a lot of sleeping in 2010).

Being a single mother, unhappily unemployed didn't make me chill, for sure. I was in a panic at all times. My son started Kindergarten that Fall and that was so scary and weird and stressful.  I needed to find work, but his school didn't have after school care, I couldn't afford after school care, and if I worked I'd have to drive him to after school care and what would an employer think of that?! (The problem with that, in case you don’t see it, is that I was paralyzed by the thought of disappointing someone.  Employees do have children. Many employers allow their workers to adjust hours to do what they must.  But I was drowning in fear).  There weren't any jobs anyway, so I was just stuck. Which was a whole other flavor of panic. I was getting a divorce on top of all that, and that was horrific. But I was still clipping along at an exhaustive mental pace, even in utter depression. I was always in a panic.

I started finding work again after an entire year, and the panic continued. It was not just manufactured in my head, however. People and the world at large had some strange expectations.  I was working for practically nothing, trying to meet quotas, working in an office that was inhumanely cold, and the environment was toxic as hell.  My uncle was dying, and I can't remember the exact series of events but I requested to leave work to be with him and my family.  They begrudgingly said "OK" and I was with him and my family until  he passed a few hours later. When I returned the next day or later that same day, my eyes were red and I was tired and emotional. I got called into my supervisor's office and told to square myself away and get my work done. 

As I type that it makes me cry to think of how miserable I was. But I was still grinding away for these people that didn't have any human decency.

Better jobs came, one and then another. And I was still rushing and busting my ass. I was setting up huge demonstrations and events completely by myself for 3 days straight.  Hiking up and down stairs with big metal sign frames, hurting myself often,  hauling things around in my own car. And I was constantly in a hurry.

It became obvious to me that I was in adrenal fatigue, if not close to adrenal failure.  I was dizzy all the time. My nerves were frayed. I was jumpy, teary, wobbly.  I passed out a couple times. I had heart palpitations. I could not stop crying. And that's when I said "Kelly, what the fuck are you doing?"

And I caught myself one morning walking through the parking lot at a New York pace and I slowed down to a Tennessee stroll. I consciously trained myself to physically slow down.  Sure I probably burn fewer calories, but the damage I did to my adrenal system had my cortisol levels way out of wack anyway so rushing around wasn't going to give me a flat tummy any time soon.

So I walk at a comfortable pace now, even if I'm trying to be on time.  I mean, there's no algae growing on me.  . I do think sloths are really cute, and my weekends are pretty damn lazy by design, but  I'm not sloth level  quite yet.

But even still, life has a way of letting you know to chill the fuck out.  This time it wasn't my adrenal system, thankfully. It was just my spirit.

Just. It was "just" my spirit.

When my dad died, some shifts started within me.  I knew I would be changed but I didn't know what that would look like.  Those changes are at least a chapter of a book in themselves so I'll summarize by saying a lot of things I did just to please other people or to avoid a fuss, I stopped doing. Unless it served me in some way, or was specifically required of me, I stopped being extra nice, extra sacrificial, extra apologetic.  Some fucks definitely fell off the wagon.

My relationship with my partner has taught me so much in a short time.  Again, there's a whole chapter there...but one of the things was how to relax. The man is not really the King of sitting still, but he is so much fun to be around. At times I felt like a rescue dog who was learning how to play with a ball.  I didn't know how to vacation, to relax, to let go.  He taught me.  (As lessons go, it definitely has not sucked!)  And as I have continued to grow into my new self, I found myself questioning why I was doing certain things.

I was grinding, constantly. Working full time, then working part time, then working at promoting my own business that I truly love. I was helping promote others (often more than myself).  I was undervaluing my self, my talents, and my time. I was doing things I thought I had to do, or needed to do. It all felt urgent and necessary. But I was not in alignment with myself. And so I started to peel back things, one later at a time. I wasn't really sensing a lot of relief or release though, until I let go of the one thing I thought I HAD to hang on to.

Therein lies the rub. The thing you're clinging to the fiercest is probably the thing you should take your hands off of, so that God can actually steer you.

I did that, thanks to the Eclipse on my birthday.  I wasn't expecting any of it to look like it did...hello Uranus!  But I immediately knew it was the right thing for me.

Evidence of this might be the fact that I am writing this. And I have not written a thing in 2 months...

I have received some emails and messages criticizing this, that and the other and asking me where this thing is or why haven't I done that thing.  But that's ok.  I'm letting God steer right now.   I'm trying to shape my dreams into life.

I have this fortune cookie fortune that keeps showing up no matter how hard I try to lose it or get rid of it.  I have nothing against it, but its just a piece of paper in my purse, and I swear I've tossed it out 6 times with receipts and trash.  It has been in my wallet, in my make up bag, and in the bottom of the purse where the change and ticket stubs hang out. And yet, I keep finding it on my desk.  It says "In dreams and in life, nothing is impossible".

OK.  I'm listening.

so stay tuned...

Friday, November 30, 2018

December BitchScopes

Well Thank God we are past Scorpio season. No offense to any of my Scorps, I do love y’all. But that was just a lot of stingers being wagged for the last ...too long! Jupiter moved out of Scorpio after a long year of uncovered secrets, scandals, closets falling open, skeletons dancing around etc. Apparently it got to me, because I took the month of November off from almost all writing. I thought I may take off for longer but my chakras got itchy.

So here we are, in optimistic Sagittarius. There’s a lot of energy hanging out in the sign of the Philosopher right now and it mostly feels muuuuuch better! It’s like we’ve been seeing a shiatsu massage therapist for a long time and we didn’t realize that her angst about her divorce was being taken out on our body. But then that angry bitch finally took a vacation and her subsititute massage therapist has a much nicer touch. Some knots are still being worked out, but not so aggressively or with so much elbow.

(God I love my analogies!)

Anyway, yes here we are. Mercury is retrograde for only a few more days. It does slide backward into Scorpio for the last 6 days of its retro disco, but it won’t be like what we survived in Scorpio season. Once we pass that, frankly, December could be pretty frickin’ sweet! 2019 is shaping up to re-juice many career sectors. December is the set up for a fresh start. Get out your glitter and put on your dancing shoes.


Your work life is going through a rebirth as we speak. Mars, your ruling planet has you awkwardly in your feelings for a few weeks before it moves into your sign, givng you the turbo boost you’ve craving. When the Sun enters Capricorn on the 21st, you’ll start to feel your ambition and determination coming back, after feeling beaten down for a few months. You’ll be evaluating your home life thanks to that Cancer full moon, but that’s part of the work-balance you’ll be trying to strike for most of 2019. Ambition has never been a relaxing past time, darling. But it’s your best color so get ready to shake that ass!


Your ruling planet will side step into Scorpio once again (this time moving forward) which could create some relationship intensity for you. Don’t whine, babe, because honestly, all of us have had to take this vitamin recently with Venus’s drunken stumble through her retrograde this Fall. You’ll be OK. This will be balanced with the possibility of some hubba hubba thanks to the new moon. Don’t go crazy, just enjoy the diversion! When the sun moves into Cap shortly before Christmas, you’ll feel energized and ready to take on the holiday with all its cashmere wonders.


Mercury retros are always uh...interesting for you. And let’s be honest, Scorpio season kicked your ass. So you may have been choking back some words or ideas or had some screwy thinking the last month or 2. This month will feel so much better, and the new and full moon will both be nuruturing and ripe for new starts just in time for the New Year. Check your busy little brain for any signs of unforgiveness or grudgey shit before you slide into the holidays. Whatever is there, work it out gently and with ease.


You have a full moon this month, Crabby. You’ve been feeling pretty damn good and maybe you’re not sure what everyone is bitching about regarding all this Scorpio business. Its less miserable for you, probably, because its a fellow water sign. This month’s planetary “stuff” may have you more emotional than you have been in awhile. Things could feel a little uphill for parts of this month, in terms of your energy, or your thoughts and feelings. Your partnerships will feel the warmth of the sun late this month and into January, though, so you can find some rest there. You can trust your holidays will feel grounded and sentimental, which suits you fine!


Put your party face on, BitchWhiskers. Your chart is lit up and tingly in all the right ways. This time of year has you feel creative, romantic and flirty leading up to the holidays. Then you may have to put on your responsible panties, I’m afraid. It’s ok, they aren’t a thong. You’ll take care of business like the boss bitch that you are, and then the full moon will ask “anything else, darling?” and you’ll say “yes, please, let’s let go of this old emotional shit before the new year, shall we?” and so it is!


Mercury direct will defintely feel like a relief to you, and I think that’s not the only gift this month has for you. Your home life is different, something is definitely different ...oh...it’s YOU. The moon will have you reflecting on what makes a home and family and resolving to do some work. Work is what you’re good at, after all. However, your house of fun will have some twinkle lights hung as well so it’s not all work and no play. It’ll be just enough to remind you that you really don’t need that thing/person/feeling/baggage, and you’ll be ready to leave whatever it is on the curb as you sashay into 2019.


Your ruling planet has been a little drunk. Venus staggered backward through Scorpio in the Fall and now she’s coming back for one more dance. She’s sober now, so it’s OK. But you’ll definitely feel her presence...in a good way. Your house of money will get a little pinch on the ass to start. The Sun will spin you around in your house of family, and then the moon will dip you deeply in your career house. Are you dizzy? You might be, but its all good. You should probably wear comfy shoes…


We all may be talking a lot of shit about your sign, but the truth is, you’re a badass and we all know it. The recent transits have hit you hard, and you’ve felt the pressure but here you are, lookin’ fly as ever and still kickin’ ass. Your bank account could get a nice kiss this month, and your inspiration will get a little nibble as well. You may find yourself really going after something you’ve put off for a while now, without the fear you had about it before. Get after it, you’ve more than earned the spotlight, you sexy bitch!


You’re likely feeling the warmth of all those planets rubbing elbows in your sign. Even though your birthday season will be coming to a close, Capricorn season will be tickling your sense of value. You’ve been in deep thought for some time now and you’re probably a lot clearer about your goals, especially where personal relationships are concerned. Both the new and full moon this month will nudge you positively along that path. 2019 is going to feel a lot different for you, and that’s a good thing!


Things should be feeling “fresh” for you, Cap. If it doesn’t yet, the new and full moon this month will do the trick. There’s some powerful energy in your neighborhood, and there’s no question that you’ll be leveling up in 2019 in ways you never saw coming in 2018. Reflect on ways you can lighten your load, which is to say work on releasing some old emotional “stuff” before you move ahead. It’s like exfoliating before applying lotion...it just works better! There are some people you need to let go of, and some people you need to remember. Exfoliate & Moisturize.


As sick of you may be of “carrying the water”, it appears you’re kicking ass at it. Your work life could see a nice boost in the near future. Take some time this month to really explore what your dreams are right now. Lord knows you’ve changed your mind and reinvented yourself more times than Madonna, so it is important to review where you’ve been and where you are, as well as what you wanted then, and what you want NOW. Take this time to nourish your soul. Also a good idea to get your messy shit together and get a little organized. Simplify your routine before your birthday rolls around. You’ll be glad you did.


Don’t fight the magic, Fishface. There’s some good juju brewing. Your career and social connections are amping up to spin you around the dance floor. Say yes. Say yes. Say yes.

You will feel some deep emotional pulling as the old falls away and new opportunities show up. Say yes. You will feel afraid. Say yes. Am I getting through? Take the wub.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018


The over arching theme in October will no doubt be Venus in Scorpio. Venus is retrograde in Scorpio, in fact, starting October 5th. But we’ve already been feeling it and getting hints as to what this will probably look like since Venus entered the retrograde shadow on September 3rd. Venus in Scorpio is intense, possibly demanding, maybe jealous. But this isn’t just about romance. In fact, this isn’t about romance at all, since that’s more of a 5th house thing. This could be about sex, but not fling-y sex...deeply connected transformative type sex. This transit is likely to check on your intimacy skills in some way or another. However, one of Venus’ qualities that is often overlooked is money! In Scorpio, this is about “other people’s money”: alimony, taxes, loans, inheritances ...etc. So some of these themes may crop up as well. How we manage money and how we value it/spend it will be something many of us will be looking at this month. This transit does have a tendency to bring back exes. But they are usually exes for good reason...so when the specter of your former lover appears, tempting you with what is probably bullshit...swipe left and move along. Not all relationships will feel challenged during this time, some will deepen. So try to keep your fears under control. Write them down if you must. Face them. That’s scorpio!

Venus in Scorpio is sort of the grand finale of what Jupiter in Scorpio has been doing all year. Venus will will highlight a lot of the wounds around the Divine Feminine. If you haven’t been watching the news at all, I’ll just summarize and tell you...yeah, that’s happening already. It probably sounds obvious and cliche at this point, especially if you are on social media at all, but you WILL hear women’s voices much louder than before, and I don’t think they’ll be as shush-able as in times past.

This will be a season of depth, regardless of whether you dive solo or with a partner. We’ll be finishing the year strong, after a summer of awkwardness. We have been in a refining process, a process of purification in some ways, and that involves heat. We’re cooling off now, gathering in what we now know, and we can plan for a kickass 2019. This is my favorite month of the year I think, and I do think it is ripe for self discovery and progress. So this months BitchScopes are written with that goal in mind.

ARIES - Lookit you with your big girl panties! You have made big strides since the beginning of September and you should be really proud of yourself. Your fire is back and we’re all relieved, because if you werent riding all of our asses, we might all become Aquarians. Anyway you seem to be on track and clearer about your goals. Don’t burn yourself out, and mind your chaos gremlins. Relationships still feel a little lukewarm for now, with improvement steadily building. Yes, those shoes are perfect and no, you can’t wear Ath-leisure clothing to work.

TAURUS - Scene: Autumn leaves falling, Taurus eating pumpkin spice pringles while having a food massage with organic soy peppermint foot cream. The phone rings, and Taurus’ eyes go wide because something, somewhere in the Universe has changed…
teehee...I poke fun at Taurus often, because I’m truthfully very fond of y’all. You ARE stubborn, but my goddess you have great taste! When I need to take care of myself and be in the moment, I channel Taurus. I hope you enjoyd your summer of sloth, because I feel things will get much busier this fall and winter. Your personal freeway will have a lot of traffic, and you will have some opportunities that test your patience (wait...you have that?) a bit. Can you get out of your own way and face your fears? Of course you can!

GEMINI - A moody Gemini? No way! Unbunch your socialite panties and do some journaling. You may feel pretty burned out as the month begins, Gemmy. You’re tired of talking, being the hub, having all the ideas, and you may feel kinda pissy about the lack of recognition you’ve received. But things are shifting. But here’s the rub … you may receive some kind of offer from someone you really don’t like very much. DOH! Now what? Well no one doubts that you will handle this with the on-your-feet-thinking you’re famous for. Boundaries will be important this month, as well as strategy. You may need to call a Virgo or a Capricorn to help you do some planning.

CANCER - Do you feel like you’re watching everyone around you lose their mind? You are almost always the island in a sea of shitstorms. Well, once again, you’re it! Boundaries will be crucial for you this month as you navigate all of your people’s dramas and needs. You are skilled at this so I’m not worried. The tricky thing this month will be figuring out how to say things that need to be said without freaking out your already-freaked-out people. Just think before you speak, especially with people whom you love but have annoyed you recently. It’s a good month to mend fences as well. Have a pumpkin spice cookie, you diplomat!

LEO - Your mane looks a little ruffled, and we know its not for lack of grooming products. Seems it might be your turn to take everything personally, especially as the month begins. Fortunately for us all, as the month progresses, you’ll be feeling less over sensitive. A positive step in the right direction, if I may just say, would be to let down your pious hair and take off your pants. You seem uptight. Practice not giving a fuck ASAP because you may have to tolerate something annoying this month. If you can manage to not roll your eyes too much, you stand to make a positive business connection this month.

VIRGO - Hey...step out of your head and check the weather out here...it’s nicer than in there, I promise. You are probably one of the signs most prone to anxiety, and you are living up to your legends lately. Use your tools and realize that the stories in your head are probably only in your head. You will need to handle business at some point, so pull your shit together and do some yoga, because you’re gonna need some oummmm. Practice acting digified and unaffected, because you’ll likely find yourself short on patience. It will pass. Stay out of jail. Do something just for fun. That’s right. Read it again, Virg...JUST for fun.

LIBRA Happy Birthday, Libra! You look mahvelous! Things should be feeling pretty good all around, but for that nagging ache in your bank account. Issues around money are definitely up for investigation and exploration. Nothing bad is going on, but some details you’ve been lax about are just popping up for attention. By the end of this year, it should feel much more managed and manageable. Personal relationships should feel much nicer now than they have over the last few months and that will continue. It’s time to lace up your gloves and get to work on business. Get your resume polished up and go after what it is you really WANT. No, Libra, not what you think other people want you to want...what YOU want!

SCORPIO You’re probably feeling more chipper than you have in a few months, so if your friends are asking you what’s wrong, it may be because you are not scowling so much. Maybe it’s your approaching birthday season, could be the cooler weather, or could be that things in life seem to be going your way and you’re feeling pretty good about it. No one is questioning what’s behind this improved mood, trust us! You seem to have more to look forward to in the coming weeks, because romance may sweep in to your life, or deepen. Venus retrograde in your sign will likely add some zing to both love and money for you...lucky you! Does your face hurt yet?

SAGITTARIUS You could be feeling like quite the social butterfly this month Sadge. Not that you usually aren’t out among people, but this has been more of a fraternizing vibe and less of a teams conquering mountains vibe. I think it’s called “fun”. You may unintentionally discover a rich business opportunity that you should explore. However, in between bouts of your characteristic optimism, you may find yourself mulling over some thoughts that aren’t as fun. You may be examining your life more closely and asking yourself why you’re not “over there” as opposed to “here”. While the old adage about green grass is true, you’d do well to allow some examination of the ways you may have held yourself back in the last couple years, particularly financially.

CAPRICORN Hovering somewhere between bored and uninspired, there’s Capricorn with that look on your face that says “Bitch, Please”. You have a well earned superiority complex and you are probably super tired of explaining things to people who just don’t seem to even want to get it. But unfortunately, further explanation is needed and you’re the best explainer. Whatever this somewhat frustrating scenario is, it should feel much better by the end of this month, into November. Try this - flirting. No, I’m serious. Stop looking at me like that.

AQUARIUS If anyone needs alone time right now, it’s probably you. Not because you need a vacation, per se. “Love humanity, can’t stand humans” is the in-jest motto of Aquarius. You’re on the right-hand side of that equation right now. You are really not enjoying most of the humans around you, and your poker face is...oh wait! You never HAD a poker face! Your candor and sharp mind are needed now, however, so don’t back away from the human circus just yet. You will find comfort for your sharp corners in artsy things this month.

PISCES I see that trout pout. If you’ve been feeling disappointed lately, you probably have valid reasons. Maybe because some people in your social circle just suck. Looks like your inspiration is going to have to come from within. However, a NEW friendship could infuse your pond with a much needed dose of connection and kindred goodness. Also on the docket this month is some fence mending. Things will be lookin’ up, fish face! It may be safe to leave the house this month!

October 2– Mercury square Pluto - tendency to assume the worst,
October 5 – Venus Retrograde Scorpio
October 8 – New Moon Libra , 8:46 pm pst
October 9 - Mercury Enters Scorpio - deeper communication and exploration of thought
October 10 – Mercury opposite Uranus - unexpected insights
October 10 – Venus square Mars - sexual tension
October 12 – Sun square Pluto - power struggle
October 15 – Mercury conjunct Venus - love confessions
October 19 – Mercury trine Neptune - creativity, fantastic thinking
October 19 – Mercury square Mars - short temper
October 23 – Sun opposite Uranus - craving freedom
October 23 - Sun Enters Scorpio - explore the depths
October 24 – Full Moon Taurus, 9:45pm pst
October 26 – Sun conjunct Venus - attraction central
October 29 – Mercury conjunct Jupiter - good news and optimism
October 31 – Venus opposite Uranus - desire for excitement
October 31 - Mercury Enters Sagittarius - thoughts are more optimistic, philosophical
October 31 - Venus Retrograde Enters Libra - focus of Venus rx shifts to relationship balance

Monday, September 24, 2018

Your Venus is Showing...

I can’t seem to resist a good play on words about planet names.  For the next few weeks, Venus is up to bat.  Venus is going to enter retrograde soon, so I will be discussing “Venus issues” for a few weeks off and on.  

On tomorrow’s “Being Badass”, I’ll be looking at a few charts that were emailed to me and breaking down the Venus retrograde transit so we can all learn what to expect from this much less common and very personal retrograde. 

Most people get nervous about any retrograde, and Venus is no exception.  Because the majority of people associate Venus with romance, any significant Venus transit tends to cause anxiety and fear about romantic relationships.  The truth about Venus is that she rules far more than our romances. 

Venus rules both Libra and Taurus.  Libra is very relationship-minded, but that includes relationships of all kinds, including business, family, etc.  Libra is also about diplomacy and balance, and beauty and art.  Taurus loves all the finer things in life, including food, and is very sensual. But as ruler of the 2nd house, Taurus is very much about money.  Venus rules all of these things, and we tend to overlook most of that.  

I actually feel that this coming retrograde is a more money oriented transit than most give it credit.  The 2nd house is how we earn and spend money.  But Venus is retrograde in Scorpio, ruler of the 8th house (directly opposite Taurus, and next door to Libra), which is about other people’s money.  The money in the 8th house isn’t earned-It is inherited, won, borrowed, loaned, taxed, etc.   So these issues will be key. Especially with Uranus in Taurus for many more months. Culturally, and socially and on a wider scale, money is a topic of discussion.  Jupiter is still in Scorpio and has blown the closet doors off of industry and societal secrets since it arrived there.  The Me Too movement started with Jupiter in Scorpio, and now we have a burgeoning movement called “why I didn’t report” about sexual abuse, all inspired by activities in DC.  Scorpio rules all things taboo, kink, and secret. Jupiter just could not let some of this remain in the dark.  Thank you, Jupiter!

So there’s the sexuality aspect that Venus in Scorpio may tickle.  But then there’s money. Money in the 8th house is different than your ordinary bank account energy.  Maybe you owe taxes. Maybe you need a loan or took out a loan and are looking at the terms.  Maybe you inherited some money or won the lottery and have to settle the taxes on that.  Maybe you got divorced and are figuring out alimony.  

The 8th house also rules deep intimacy, sexual and emotional, as well as death and transformation.  So far more than romance is up for review. ( Romance itself actually falls under Leo and the Sun, in the 5th house of play. )

As a rule of thumb, I like to equate Venus with the word “value”.  Combining terms like “alimony” and “beauty” or “death” and “money” or “desire” and “taxes” gets a little weird and confusing. So instead, I look at the natal placement of the Venus, and the retrograde transit of the Venus.  Where Venus lives and visits, I ask “How do I/you feel valued in this house?” or “What do I value IN this house”.   

Retrogrades don’t always mean that things will go backwards, or recede.  Retrogrades turns your thoughts about that planet’s energy inward for deeper examination.  This naturally causes us to think more about everything in that realm, and to re-evaluate things as a result.  If a relationship is rocky, a retrograde will probably highlight that.  If something is solid, a retrograde can sometimes strengthen it further by going deeper.  Activity, whether energetic, or literal or mental, increases on the retrograde highway because the inside of our head is much busier than the outside world.  So there is far more traffic of a particular nature or subject than in direct motion/outward planet movement.  With more traffic, there will be more snags, jams, interactions, etc, just by nature of statistics.  So yes, things and people from the past may show up for you to take a look at if there wasn’t resolution there.  

Tune in to the show tomorrow for a more detailed discussion of what Venus retrograde looks like in a specific chart so you can have a better understanding of what may come up for you in the next few weeks.  As always, my goal is to alleviate fear and empower you with information.  If you’d like a private reading of this transit for your chart, you can get a chart reading with me at 12Listen.com.  

Until then, watch your Venus envy, and keep your sense of humor.  

Monday, September 10, 2018

Adrenal Fatigue

(annoying disclaimer I have to include because life is ridiculous:  I am not a doctor, though I should have been AND should have played one on TV, and can not and will not medically diagnose you. This is for informational purposes only. Use good sense) 

Do you know that almost all adult women will at some point experience Adrenal depletion, or Adrenal fatigue? Being human is complicated, as we know, and when you read about any sort of human condition in Google, it’s clear you’re doomed. So if you look up Adrenal fatigue, you’ll see a list of symptoms that sound like every other list of symptoms: fatigue, body aches, unexplained weight loss, low blood pressure, lightheadedness, headaches, loss of body hair, skin discoloration (hyperpigmentation)...

Wow, that sounds familiar. Sounds like PMS, pregnancy, fibromyalgia, flu, blood sugar issues, HIV, the black death… that’s the list of every malady there is. Here’s some other symptoms you may notice, that sound like oh….humaning: always feeling angry inside, binge eating, breathlessness. Constipation, depression, difficulty concentrating, difficulty making decisions, general disinterest in life, eczema, feeling defensive, sudden food allergies, loss of memory, loss of sense of humor. Muscle spasms, persistent infections, psoriasis, sexual disinterest...

But if you HAVE adrenal fatigue, no matter how many doctors have blown you off and told you that it’s nothing, it isn’t nothing. If you have it, you’ll know it because your GUT (your intuitive gut) will confirm it. Adrenal depletion and adrenal fatigue are brought on periods of chronic, often intense stress. If you’re human, you’ve probably experienced a period of time where you’ve been intensely stressed out. If so, you probably have some level of Adrenal Fatigue, whether your doctor acknowledges it or not. Some doctors still think PMS and painful intercourse are imagined, so let’s not put all our eggs in the Doctor’s Opinion basket, ok?

The other factoid of human-ness is that chronic stress is a thing, all the time. We drive cars, we have marriage problems, we have asshole bosses, we drive cars (intentional repeat)….seriously do you know how much adrenaline you produce just from traffic issues? And Cortisol...got belly fat? Yeah...welcome to the modern age of being human, where we are chronically stressed out and padding our bodies because of it.

I self diagnosed myself with Adrenal Fatigue a few years ago, and when I went for a regular medical exam and bloodwork, my test results showed “slightly reduced kidney function”. Did my doctor address this? NOPE. Did I? YEP. and I feel so much better!


Well where are you on the scale? There are thought to be (among people who don’t believe this is a trash can diagnosis, which is what they used to say about Fibromyalgia…) 3 phases of Adrenal Fatigue. They are:

Stage 1: Wired and tired - In this phase, you’re experiencing high cortisol levels, especially at night, leading to insomnia, insulin resistance and fat accumulation in your belly. You may feel energized but in a too much caffeine kinda way.

Stage 2: Stressed and tired - You may wake up early in the morning (often around 3am) and feel unable to fall back asleep. As stress kicks in, you’ll feel more awake. Your cortisol peaks early, flattens out, but often has midday or early evening rise.

Stage 3: Burnout - This stage is characterized by exhaustion regardless of hours slept, a flat cortisol curve, and in some cases low DHEA and thyroid hormone levels. In this phase you are at higher risk of autoimmune disease - and there are a plethora of ways you can experience the joy of autoimmune issues, as you know.

Ok so, we’ve established you’re human and your adrenal system is pissed. Now what?

Eat right! Get rid of inflammatory foods, eat lean protein, whole grain (gluten free) carbs, and colorful fruits and veggies.

Go to bed earlier! Aim to be asleep by 11, period.

B Vitamins! B5 and B6, B12 and folate! A good quality B complex vitamin will have you peeing neon yellow. This means it is dissolving properly and excreting excess.

Cool it! Inflammation is the reason for so many of our problems. Omega-3 fatty acids, curcumin, Tumeric and vitamin C supplements are your friends, as are non-acidic foods and drinks (google low acid diet), and food that don’t irritate your body in general. You may not want to give it up, but if dairy upsets you, it’s causing a problem.

Replace important nutrients.
Vitamin D, selenium, magnesium and zinc are all important for proper thyroid function and adrenal function. Electrolytes played a big role in my adrenal recovery, AND I stopped having heart palpitations!

Hydrate! Dehydration is a hallmark of adrenal fatigue. Electrolytes will help, and you can add lemon to your water as well.

Herbs & Oils. In addition to the supplements noted already, try licorice root, ashwagandha and rehmannia. I had the most luck with Ashwagandha, personally. Also try these essential oils: cinnamon, clove, helichrysum, lime, lemongrass, nutmeg, rosemary, bergamot, geranium, lavender, peppermint, basil, tangerine, and frankincense. I rubbed most of those over my kidney area each morning (usually just one or 2 as intuition led), but the hotter ones (cinnamon, clove, nutmeg) you should dilute and test on your feet first. Rub a blend of these into the arch of your foot. I am quite sensitive to all 3 of those so I had to use them carefully and sometimes not at all. I am a big fan of lemongrass, lavender, and tangerine in particular for Adrenal support. I use Tangerine in my water. I also use basil on my feet and ankles to support personal boundaries, which helps.

SLOW DOWN. Stop rushing to work, stop rushing through your morning, your life, your evening. Loosen up. Rest. Build quiet time into your day.

Modify your work out. If you are a gym rat, you’re not helping your adrenal issues. The last thing you need right now is a high intensity cardio work out. Gentle flow or restorative Yoga is what you need. Breathwork. Mindfulness of your body. You can do Zumba when your body recovers!

Life is stressful. We can’t escape that. Our bodies really haven’t caught up to us evolutionarily (I have a rant about Menopause that fits into this conversation!) so we have to give our bodies some space to navigate. We have to live our lifestyles as they are until we can adopt a new one. Until you move to Sweden or France and change your eat-in-the-car-on-the-run-and-be -perfect lifestyle, you’ll need to build in some gentleness. If you are a woman, you are far more likely to suffer from this condition than men, but of course men are not exempt either. If you have children, work, drive, have had any traumatic events in your life in the last 5-7 years...you probably need to incorporate some of this self care into your routine.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

September BitchScopes

Overall, this month, I feel a strong badass vibe. I feel like whatever we are emerging from, and much of it is intense, we will wake up one day and feel stronger, braver, MORE ready to take on the humaning process, more hopeful and less willing to have our boundaries encroached upon. We have just emerged from the goo of the cocoon of the retrogrades. Our wings are drying and we will soon set off toward a goal we didn’t imagine we had. It will just happen when you aren’t looking for it. But then you’ll remember I said this and think “Damn, that bitch is smart”. And you’ll be right. (cheeky grin).

This month is much less harsh and pissy than the last couple. It is softer, as a whole, and you’ll feel a lot clearer and a lot less “along for the ride”.

Mercury gets more grounded in earthy virgo, and thoughts may flow more easily and less dramatically (whew). But venus enters Scorpio, so love affairs could burn hot and possessive. Hedonists, party on.

Saturn goes direct on the 6th, Hallelujah! Saturn in Cap is uppity enough, but retrograde, this just felt way too serious. This direct motion is going to feel so much less heavy!

The New moon on 9/9 is in Virgo and its a great time to set intentions to start fresh, get the summer chaos behind you and get your ducks lined up and quacking in unison. Probably in ascending color order, or alphabetically. Mars enters Aquarius (thank Fuck) on 9/10. That’s all I have to say about that.

No, its not actually. Mars retrograde was hard. Mars stationed at 28 degrees and change, and you can argue about rounding if you want, but when Mars exited retrograde motion, it did so at 28 degrees and 37 seconds and has been creeping into the true 29th for several days. Late on 9/3, it will hit that degree for real and continue burning that  hole somewhere in your chart. Any planet at 29 degrees is going to feel intense and Mars is the least of the exceptions. This happens every 6-7 weeks, but considering the slingshot of retrogrades we just exited, and the course corrections of the eclipses and all the revelations and slaps and wake up calls therein, this is feeling pretty “fuuuuuuck”. This does bring up anger, will, issues about rightness and irritability.

But on 9/10, we will feel a shift when Mars enters Aquarius and social action friendships and associations can all get some oompf. 

Speaking of shifts...you’ll either find these scopes as triggery or hilarious. But there is actual wisdom up in herrrrrr. So while they are tongue in cheek, they are the real deal, whether you like it or not. I’m blaming it on post vacation brain, Sag midheaven, and...redheadedness. These are BitchScopes, belly up to the bar and shoot em back.

September Transits

September 3 – Mercury sextile Venus
September 5 - Mercury enters Virgo
September 6 - Saturn Direct Capricorn
September 7 – Mercury trine Uranus
September 7 – Mercury trine Saturn
September 7 – Sun opposite Neptune
September 8 – Venus square Mars
September 9 2:01 pm – New Moon Virgo
September 9- Venus enters Scorpio
September 10 -Mars enters Aquarius
September 11 – Sun sextile Jupiter
September 11 – Sun trine Pluto
September 12 – Jupiter sextile Pluto
September 12 – Venus opposite Uranus
September 12 – Venus sextile Saturn
September 13 – Mercury opposite Neptune
September 15 – Mercury trine Pluto
September 16 – Mercury sextile Jupiter
September 18 – Mars square Uranus
September 20 – Sun conjunct Mercury Virgo
September 21- Mercury enters Libra
September 22 - Sun enters Libra
September 23 – Mercury square Saturn
September 23 – Mercury trine Mars
September 24 10:52 pm – Full Moon Aries
September 25 – Sun square Saturn
September 27 – Sun trine Mars
September 30 10:03 pm – Pluto Direct Capricorn

Stop being an ass and have a cocktail. Or stop drinking so many cocktails and calm down. Either way you’re making the people around you crazy. Your life is getting back on track. And boxes will be checked soon. Chillax.

This is the month you need to go out to Home Goods and get the Anthropologie blankie. Leave the original price attached because you’re you. Cocoon yourself in cashmere and contemplate all the things you’re never going to do.

Go to Home Depot and get the sidewalk paint that PG&E uses to mark lines. Mark your boundaries and draw arrows and circles. Stand behind the line and say no to Aries (Wear your old shoes.)

Good news bad news: summer is almost over so you can quit being reclusive and using your bday as an excuse. You’re so much more fabulous than you realize, so put down your glass of whine, and own it. As the leaves die, you will find new zing, because that’s a little bit morbid and that’s OK

You’re just bitter that your birthday is over. Balance your checkbook like a big girl and buy your own drinks, drama queen. Don’t bother with your Virgo friends, it’s their turn. Seriously, quit spending money and eat dinner in.

Happy Birthday! Ghost your Leo friends because they’re bitter and they ain’t buyin. Face the truth whatever it is. Your friends that give a semblance of a shit are born in February. Drink with them.

Bask in the reflective glow of your puddle of tears from the last few months. In the right light you look fabulous. This month is much more candlelight than fluorescent. Enjoy.

 Its a month of collaborating. Check to see if there is a convention of arrogant business people in your area. If you act fast you can get Aries to go with you. Maybe a Groupon…

summer is over. Put the squirrels back in the cage and turn off your ex girlfriends radio show. It’s time to get Sirius.

let’s revisit the spreadsheet of your life. Delete a column or two and maybe instead of a line graph consider a scatter diagram...expand your horizons in whatever ways you can.

Dude. Your shit has been gettin deep. You’re ok. You’re almost through it. Drink top shelf liquor and stay open.

wow the past couple years have been rough water. You may have finally found a nice anenome to call home. Tell Nemo we say hi and Just keep swimmin’ babe.