What to Expect When You're Eclipsing - New Moon Solar Eclipse BitchScopes for the week of April 25th

Hey bitches! I’m buried in boxes so I’m gonna cut right to the chase. The big deal this week is the New Moon Solar Eclipse, of course. This is a Taurus new moon, and this set of eclipses will be in Taurus and Scorpio all year. When the feminine energy of the moon blocks out the masculine energy of the sun, we are reminded, perhaps not subtly, that we must pay attention to our bodies, our senses, our physicality, our sexuality. We are “asked” to pay attention to our own value, as well as what we value. New moon eclipses are a wilder version of a new moon, and can cause a little chaos. But chaos is a core element of the creative process, so we can expect new opportunities and projects to start swirling around us. Some doors will fly open and some will slam shut, and all of this is a course correction to get us back in alignment with our purpose and our path.

Uranus in Taurus is conjunct the eclipse, which normally could indicate some possible upsetting surprises, but Mars in Pisces sextile the eclipse offsets that with motivation and well-directed energy. Changes that come from this eclipse are likely to be very positive ones that offer a breath of fresh air. (The exception to that would be if you have been holding on to something for way too long and the Universe has to pry it from your blue fingers for your own good. In such cases, the changes would be more jarring and upsetting.)  New projects are very much favored in this swirl of planetary juju. Money, Luck and love are all around. Then, as we emerge from the eclipse energy into the month of May, Venus, Jupiter, and Neptune are in a triple conjunction in Pisces that sextiles this eclipse, offering a dreamy, artsy, sensitive hug.

While new moons are great for manifesting rituals, an eclipse can be a little too “busy”, so it's often better to pull in the oars and go with the flow. However, spend some time in the days leading up to the eclipse thinking about things you really want to materialize in your life. If you’ve been doing “the work” up to this point, then you’ve likely decided which river to set your kayak in, which is like setting an intention for the journey.

So without further adieu, let’s see what each sign can expect for this eclipse.

ARIES - You’ve got money on your mind, and the desire to increase that flow into your bank account. This eclipse could definitely open a door for a new opportunity to make some moola. You may also feel pretty spendy. So depending on what you’re trying to accomplish, you may need to get your finances organized and look at an actual budget. Your self esteem could get a boost during this time as well.


TAURUS - It could be time for a “new you”. If you’ve been thinking about a new hair style or having some kind of “work” done on yourself, this is good time for it. This moon is going to give a zhuzh to your overall energy level too. So if you’ve had the winter blahs, you should start to feel better, even if the weather is still weird where you are.


GEMINI - If you feel called to do it, volunteering for a cause you care about is well-timed after this eclipse. Comfort is a theme of Taurus, so you might be able to offer some to someone else, and it will fill your cup as well. Be aware of any sneaky Taurus behaviors you might be doing, like overspending or over indulging. Seclusion and quiet time is good for you right now.


CANCER - Friendships can get a boost during this new moon solar eclipse. Your connection may become more honest/genuine/easy than in the past. If you’re called to it, joining a group that deals in humanitarian issues would be the perfect new project for you. You have a lot to offer such a group and it will shift some things in your life that might feel stuck.


LEO- If you are a career-minded person, this new moon solar eclipse could very well stir up a promotion or raise for you. Regardless of what you do or don’t do for work, there is some advancement imminent in your public sector, and there will be more attention on you. If you become the topic of discussion or gossip, consider it a good sign. Don’t even blink about what’s being said, because it doesn’t matter…it is an indication that your star is indeed rising.


VIRGO - This eclipse is likely to stir up both desire and opportunity for you to expand your current life experience. Travel is one such opportunity that may show up, so dust off your luggage. This transit also bodes well for writing and publishing, and may give you the prod you need to move forward with a project.


LIBRA - If you are looking for a loan, the next few weeks is a good window for you to apply. You might also work on paying off some debt or other things that relate to “other people’s money”. This eclipse also activates personal transformation, and sexuality. Intimacy may be a theme that rises to the surface. Depending on how well you know yourself, it could be a little uncomfortable. However, if you are an intense person, then the intensity of these transits probably won’t even faze you.


SCORPIO - This new moon solar eclipse rules all of your contractual relationships, as well as “the devil you know”. Most of the time, you don’t give much of a damn about people who don’t like you. But if something starts nagging at you about such a person or situation, do the deeper work and examine why it bothers you. Opportunities for new relationships can present now, too.


SAGITTARIUS - this eclipse may kick off a cycle for you of awareness of your personal health and wellness. A new fitness routine is one possible outcome. If your life has felt messy, you may also be motivated to impart some order to the chaos, which may include a change to some of your personal habits. This transit also affects small pets and your daily work, so a new fur baby may be cards for you in the near future.


CAPRICORN - Good news for you! This eclipse will spark a new cycle of overall fun for you. Playing, going to gatherings and parties, a romance are very possible outcomes for you over the course of this year. This is cosmic justice for all the crap you’ve been through with the tough planets in your sign for so long. You should expect an uptick in your creative energy too, though it may not come as a lightning bolt so much as a slow simmer that builds up to your previous levels.


AQUARIUS - This eclipse affects your home life, your actual dwelling, and your family. If you’ve been following me, you know I am an Aquarius, and that I JUST moved houses and am in the midst of cardboard chaos. So if you’re an Aquarius, you may be moving this year (because eclipse energy carries out over months, and other eclipses will take place on this same axis all year), or you may be remodeling, decluttering, or decorating. I will be doing all of those, and I already need a drink and a nap! This transit also indicates more focus on family and more time with them. (is that good or bad?) If you’re moving and you need boxes…holla at ya girl. 


PISCES - This eclipse will kick off a cycle of communication and information. If you’re a writer, this bodes well for both writing and publishing all year. You will have an easier time gathering and understanding information in general, and communication with others will be good. Your sibling relationships can benefit from this transit as well. And you may find yourself with new neighbors. (They are probably an Aquarius!)

Sweary Spirituality Advice - BitchScopes for April 18-25

Hey my beautiful Bitchtresses and Bitchsters, this weeks Scopes are going to be a bit brief due to the fact that I am in the middle of a bunch of “stuff” right now. (Nothing terrible, just the chaos of moving, and a bunch of ordinary life shit, plus teenagers, graduations, proms, etc etc. You get the idea. Just a nutty week!)

There is a fair bit of emphasis on relationshippy stuff this week, but I do also sense the potential for some tensions. Part of this is due to some of us being activated and triggered by Lilith. For some of us, our expressions of independence and original thinking will be a boon to our relationship; for others, it may stir up some insecurities. However, there is enough soft and romantic vibes floating about to soothe some of what may come to the surface.

There’s a carry-over theme of work being a bit disrupted, or the flow being interrupted. This may be extra frustrating if you have a strong Mercury in your chart. Mercurial minds will be sharp and fast and ready to solve problems, but may be frustrated when the rest of the world is 2 pages behind them.

The big news this week is the Sun moving into sexy Taurus. We will instinctively want to slow down and experience things more than usual. Our senses become more activated. We will crave comfort and security in various forms. And we will be determined. Once we set our sights on something this month, we will be driven to reach that goal. Balance is going to be important. So for every project you tackle out of sheer stubbornness, treat yourself to a bath, a good meal, a massage, etc. It’s a beautiful time of year (it it has stopped snowing where you are) to smell the flowers. The world is starting to bloom and come back to life, so take some time to get out and see, smell, hear, touch, and taste it.

The ingress of the Sun into Taurus is going to be the defining theme of the scopes for each Sign. And I’m going to pull an oracle or tarot card for each to show us where the Taurus energy will touch us….oooh, that sounded Taurean…touch us…hee hee.





ARIES - I pulled for you one of my favorite cards from my Sweary Spirituality deck: You can NOT eat a pizza through the screen door. Neither can you be open to truly receiving if you are trying to filter what you receive.” This means that if you want to attract abundance and good stuff in to your life, you need to be open to receiving criticism and some judgement too. Should other people be judging you? No. But they will anyway. You have to open the door all the way to receive the pizza, or else you have to just lick the pizza through the screen door so you don’t risk letting in anything else.
I often use this phrase to explain this: “You know you’re over target when you start catching flak”. This supposedly originated during WW2 from bomber pilots. Bottom line: Some vulnerability is required to get what you want.

TAURUS - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2: “Reflection Projection - assuming people don’t accept you because it feels less risky than finding out.” Yet another challenge about vulnerability. So, you’re a Taurus, and Tauruses are pretty damn likeable. However, there will always be some people who don’t like you for whatever reason. Can you be ok with that? Instead of guarding yourself and feeling on the defensive so much, just be your amazing self and if you’re not someone’s cuppa tea, oh well!! That is OK! There’s no need for you to make yourself uncomfortable and prickly so that someone can’t hurt you just by not “liking” you.

GEMINI - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2: “Rejection Deflection - blaming other people for their non-acceptance of us so we don’t have to own our own actions”. Oof, this one can feel harsh. (I swear I shuffled the deck! Your card is the natural next card after the one I pulled for Taurus!) The best example I have for this right now is people who date married men/women. There are so many explanations for why people do this. But the best one I know is that if you date a married person and it ends, probably badly, you can blame the other person and their spouse rather than looking at your own issues, flaws, and character faults. Own your own shit, that’s all. It’s not always easy…it’s called Shadow Work.

CANCER - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2: Where have you made yourself unavailable to success because you’re afraid of the commitment (to your own greatness)?” We often refer to “fear of failure, but I’ve found that fear of success is often just as significant. Success requires vulnerability, visibility, time, commitment, and living large. You can’t remain small and in a tiny, pleasing box, probably crafted for you by other people, if you want big success, fame, acknowledgement, etc. Come out of your shell!

LEO - I have to say, I really love this damn deck that I created. It is so attuned! From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2: “Bravery isn’t absence of fear. Courage is persistence in spite of fear.” Dude, that is so Leonine! You are famous for being brave and bold and confident, but the shadow side of that is that strength can become a habit, and sometimes, a facade. It is important you allow yourself time and space to feel fear, anger and sadness, and not just feel like you HAVE to be a big, brave badass all the time. Courage requires authenticity and vulnerability!

VIRGO - Another hit from my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2! “Guilt is to the spirit what injury is to the body”. Virgo, feel guilt? Wuuuuut? Look, you hold yourself to the high standard that you hold everyone else to, and generally your standards can be somewhat unrealistic. You can’t possibly be all things to all people and fix everyone’s broken things. Guilt can also become a coping mechanism to avoid vulnerability. Stay with me on this. This falls in the same vein as “tis better to give than to receive”. Sure, because giving makes you the hero and receiving requires some vulnerability. If you didn’t give your ALL, and you’re feeling guilty about it, flip the script and pat yourself on the back! Keep some for yourself!!

LIBRA - Oh, I love this card for you! From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2: “It is a great art to saunter” (Thoreau) Do you have more than 2 speeds? “Downshift” does not necessarily lead to “downfall”. You don’t have to work yourself to death and hold yourself to a standard that sacrifices so much other sources of joy in your life. What would it take for you to slow down and receive? What if you didn’t constantly judge yourself for not doing enough, or not achieving enough or not earning enough? Can you be OK with things being just “ok”? Saunter. It is OK!

SCORPIO - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 1 - “Stop taking shit as payment for your love”. Scorpios get a bad rap for being dark and moody and secretive and vindictive and suspicious and paranoid. And look, you know you’re all those things. We love your spooky, moody ass! But being familiar with the shadow means sometimes you can embrace it a bit too much. You can be very sensitive and loving and vulnerable, and you should expect the same in return. Someone needs to take care of the dark little corners of your heart when you can’t. So hold your partners to higher standards, OR stop holding it against them when you’ve accepted it as “fine”.

SAGITTARIUS - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 1, a card that leapt out of the deck as I’d expect from a Sagittarius…”Emotions are like water. Let them flow. (Alternatively you could think of them as little creatures who will stalk you relentlessly until you acknowledge them.) A Sagittarius might enjoy the stalking, but the point is, feel your feelings. You don’t need to philosophize your feelings, or take them on a hike in the desert, or pontificate on them. Just feel them. When you acknowledge and feel your feelings, they actually will just continue moving and the anxiety will recede. Then you can go for a hike.

CAPRICORN - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 1- “Saying NO helps you honor your boundaries. You are obligated to do that which you are paid for. Otherwise…fuck that shit.” This is perfect for Capricorn because you are so driven to achieve, you have a hard time turning opportunities down. The thing is, because you are good at so many things, people want your help and advice and time. Not everything that is offered to you is worth your time and effort, period. This applies to feelings as well as tasks.

AQUARIUS - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 2 - “Evolution doesn’t happen by chance, it happens by change, and change happens by choice.” Ah Aquarius, the sign of the future, the visionary, the Uranus ruled rebel, the bitch that hates change! Wuuuut?! What was Goddess thinking when she put those things together in a single entity? So contradictory, but exactly what an Aquarius needs to be pushed forward. Where you feel frustrated, really examine what change you are resisting.

PISCES - From my “Sweary Spirituality” Deck 1 - Pretty simple: “You deserve joy. Choose it.” Is it simple? No, of course not. We didn’t sign up for “simple”, we signed up to be human…ugh. But it is not simple when you are the sign that embodies all the energies. I mean, no presh, just be everything to everyone! That is your auto-pilot mode: please, merge, become one with. But sometimes, you can actually exist as a single drop of water within the ocean. Do something that pleases only YOU on a regular basis. Try once this week to start. Joy is your fucking birthright!



Monday 4/18

• Mercury conjunct Uranus - stimulates thinking; flashes of brilliance
• Venus sextile Uranus - fun, excitement, receive unexpected money
• Sun square Pluto - ego conflicts, authority issues, conflict

Tuesday 4/19

• Sun enters Taurus - we are grounded, practical, determined, and ready to experience all our senses
• Sun sextile juno - focus on relationship

Wednesday 4/20

• Mercury square Vesta - interruptions in the work environment, communication and flow
• Juno enters Pisces - romance and dreaminess with partner
• Sun sextile Lilith - independent and fiercely proud

Thursday 4/21

• Saturn square North Node - restricted by obligations

Friday 4/22
take a break! 


Saturday 4/23

• Juno trine Lilith - your independent personality can actually facilitate ease in relationship
• Mercury conjunct North Node - stimulated and strategic mind

Sunday 4/24

• Mercury square Saturn - focus; working alone
• Mercury sextile Neptune- relaxing, creative energy

Monday 4/25

• Venus square Ceres - expressing love and nurturing
• Venus sextile North Node - attracts positive things, comfort, compassion

Conjunction Junction, what's your function? BitchScopes for April 11-18

First off, yes, I am quite pleased with that title, thank you. If you are a kid of the 70's you'll appreciate the ear worm I just gifted you. If not, just move along to the scopes, bitches. 

There’s a lot of movement, inspiration, and creative energy available this week.  The goddesses are very determined this week, so if you’re on a mission and someone is in your way, well….goddess help them! And…we have a full moon, which is also a feminine energy. So let’s see what’s cookin…

So right out of the gate on Monday we have Saturn square the North Node, which is feeling like there are obstacles on your path. And there are. But creativity will show the way.

Tuesday is the a major red letter day…or maybe a pink letter day. It has some really lovely potential. Jupiter and Neptune meet up in Pisces. They are both co-rulers of Pisces, and haven’t been there together since 1856!! These two creative geniuses are happy to see each other and can’t wait to see what kind of magical experiences they can cook up. There’s a lot of compassion in this transit, as well as philanthropy and art. I highly recommend that you play with some manifesting tools on Tuesday. And if you are artsy, you should lean into that! These 2 will stay within reach of each other until the end of May. Some astrologers are watching to see if a new Covid variant shows up as a result of this conjunction. I am choosing to be in denial with my fingers in my ears…la la la la la la la!!! But it is a possibility. UGH. fuck covid. I can’t stand mint toothpaste, anything with garlic,  chicken in any form, or the smell of lavender as a result of covid! Hmpf. Moving on.

Wednesday Jupiter sextiles the North Node, which is how you’re going to overcome those previously mentioned obstacles! Thursday Mars enters Pisces. This is not Mars’ favorite placement. However, this can favor humanitarianism, philanthropy, charity, etc. It also may inspire us to be creative. See what I mean by the creativity this week?

Saturday is the full moon in Libra. Full moons always make the current emotional energy a bit denser. This makes the Neptune and Jupiter energy more noticeable, which is good. What we are aware of we can tap into. Our girl Eris is prominent in this energy, as she’s directly opposite the moon (conjunct the sun). We have feminine power galore to utilize. But this opposition can increase feelings of vulnerability and exclusion. I’ll be watching the news to see if anything of note happens in the world of feminism.

Sunday, Mercury sextiles Venus, which is just plain lovely, friendly, and fun, and also artsy! Aaaand then Monday, the Sun and Pluto square up, so watch yourself at work or with authority figures. If you ARE an authority figure, don’t be a dick. I think that’s good advice to wrap up on.

Monday 11 April

• Saturn square North Node - restricted by obligations
• Sun conjunct Pallas - creativity, passion, genius moments

Tuesday 12 April

• Jupiter conjunct Neptune - gold star transit. Key words: belief, perceptions, creativity, compassion, sensitivity, psychic
• Sun sextile Saturn - patience and perseverance

Wednesday 13 April 

• Jupiter sextile North Node - connections that help you overcome obstacles, or bring your work out of anonymity

Thursday 14 April 

• Mars enters Pisces - not a very motivated placement for Mars, but can be good for philanthropy. Our own goals and drives may wane a bit
• Sun conjunct Eris - feeling isolated and/or identifying with events in the past
• Saturn sextile Pallas - recognition for past efforts; taking your “mission” seriously
• Neptune sextile North Node - your intuition assists you in reaching your goals
• Lilith enters Cancer - emotionally invested in “causes”, and things related to family and roots

Friday 15 April 

• Mars trine Lilith - inspirational leadership

Saturday 16 April 

• Pallas conjunct Eris - strategy, ambition, rebellion
• Full Moon in Libra 11:56AM PST - emotional, in need of balance

Sunday 17 April 

• Mercury sextile Venus - fun & friendly

Monday 18 April 

• Mercury conjunct Uranus - stimulates thinking; flashes of brilliance
• Venus sextile Uranus - fun, excitement, receive unexpected money
• Sun square Pluto - ego conflicts, authority issues, conflict

ARIES - Don’t be shocked if you get fired up about something that feels very important, emotionally. The goddesses are activated in your 1st house of identity, and the full moon in Libra is in your 7th house of partnerships. So your emotional energy may be focused on your family, either feeling protective of them or defensive with them. You still have a lot of good money juju related to “your calling”. Whatever you feel that is, pursue it. It will pay off. You might find yourself needing a little more alone time, solitude, down time, etc. while Neptune and Jupiter transit your 12th house. There is no better placement for meditation than this, so try to take time to get still for the next few weeks. Make it a daily practice.


TAURUS - Guard your boundaries this week. That means protecting your personal boundaries from others, and respecting the boundaries of others even when you feel impulsive. Don’t go running over people to meet your own goals. The full moon may remind you of goals and tasks you’ve neglected or forgotten about, or you may become aware of something work related (ie. someone is leaving.) You may find your voice about something this week, or feel very protective (read: defensive) of your opinion or point of view. Cool the embers of argument with art. Creative activities with friends or like minded people is emphasized while Neptune and Jupiter transit your 11th house. Goat yoga anyone? Painting with food perhaps?


GEMINI - You may find yourself sort of pushing your big goals aside in favor of spiritual and philosophical musing. You might feel protective of your ideas and dreams, and you should. When other people piss on our ideas, it really screws us up. This has been going on for a while now, so you aren’t really a slacker. Your creative energy is simply craving some solitude. Creativity will get you far for the next several weeks while Neptune and Jupiter transit your 10th house of career. Creative problem solving, here I come! That includes your home, where you will likely be spending some money throughout this year. But all that seriousness is literally lit up by the full moon in your 5th house of fun. It’s saying “why so serious? Let’s play!”

CANCER - At work, or wherever you carry a leadership or public role, you may be fired up and ready to knock down problems and competitors. You are focused on the future and your success in a big way, and you may be financially investing in this area. Other people, clients, co-workers, will sense a strength and power about you, and they may react to you differently than they have in the past. This is all underscored by the full moon transiting your 4th house, naturally ruled by your sign. Family issues may come up, especially if your energy is focused on career. But your 9th house is the juicy goodness! Neptune and Jupiter will be transiting the 9th, and that is home for Jupiter, giving it extra oomph. Your intuition may deepen, or you may acquire new knowledge or a new skill set during this time.


LEO - I pity the fool who dares to question your beliefs any time soon. You will feel very protective/defensive about what you know and what you believe. There are at least 2 strong placements right now that indicate deepened intuition and psychic sensitivity. So you may just “know” things, especially while Neptune and Jupiter are transiting your 8th house. The full moon is in your 3rd house, so that’s another indication of information, talking, and communication. Also, “over sharing” and previously unknown/hidden information may arise. Use your intuition to discern truth from any drama


VIRGO - Money stuff is on the docket for you. The full moon lights up your 2nd house of earned income. So you may be going over your budget, or purchasing something significant. The goddess asteroids transiting to your 8th house might make you seem more intense or mysterious. You and your friends may have difficulty connecting because you just aren’t on the same page. You need deep connection and spiritual intimacy right now, so you may feel a bit estranged. Fall back on to your deeply held beliefs as your compass. But here’s the good news: Neptune and Jupiter are transiting your 7th house, making committed partnerships very juicy and expansive. Romance should be sparkling well through May, and I think some sweet stuff is headed your way!


LIBRA - Equality and fairness are always important to you. But the full moon in your sign will emphasize that energy. And, as a few of the goddesses transit the 7th house of your chart, you may be more fired up about an issue than usual. I feel this will be work related, or that there’s an authority figure that you want to really stand up to on behalf of others. This is underscored by Neptune and Jupiter transiting your 6th house of work and routines. Dreaminess, optimism and idealism will make you less accepting of harsh realities of injustice and unfairness. You may also find peace in your habits and routines, almost like the repetition of day to day is soothing and meditative.


SCORPIO - You’re pretty gifted with secrets, and this week the full moon transits your 12th house, which could have someone’s secrets tumbling out into your lap. Will it be your secret? It could also be an emotional awareness of something you did not have before. Maybe related to this or maybe not, your work environment is also activated with some fired up energy. What you believe, you will be passionate about protecting. Neptune and Jupiter meet up in your 5th house of fun, romance and creativity. Don’t squander this opportunity to add some of that good stuff to your life.


SAGITTARIUS - I feel there’s somethin’ sweet and sexy in the air for you. You have activity in your 5th and 8th houses, and a full moon in your 11th. A person you thought was just a friend may reveal otherwise. Your charisma and magnetic charm will be working its magic while the full moon shines a light on things that may surprise all parties. It feels like a good revelation, though it may kick up a little chaos. Neptune and Jupiter conjunct in your 4th house, so you may be decorating or changing your house in some way, moving in with someone, or redefining what “home” feels like.

CAPRICORN - The full moon is in your 10th house of career and public recognition, so you may receive some accolades or acknowledgement of your awesomeness within the next week or 2. You might find yourself feeling defensive about your home/family/partner this week, or ready to take on some task related to those people. Your creative energy remains really high as long as the North Node is in your 5th house (which it is all year) so you can come up with creative solutions. The real juice, though, is the neptune and jupiter meet-up in your 3rd house. Intellect and spirituality meet up, and you may find yourself sharing some of your spiritual beliefs with others in a way that you don’t usually.

AQUARIUS - The full moon lights up your 9th house of learning and beliefs, so if you’ve been feeling a little lost or like you don’t know what your path is lately, this could really help! Your communication might be very snippy this week, especially at work. You may be having some of your strong feelings about authority and hierarchies. So just be forewarned. Neptune and Jupiter meet up in your house of income and earned money so your creativity may really benefit your bank account from now until the end of May.

PISCES - You have a transformative time coming up. The full moon is in your 8th house of “other people’s stuff”, so you may become aware of what you have been given or not been given by your partner and close intimates. Secrets can reside here as well, so some things may come out of the closet. It can be a very transformative moon for you, however. So let go of what is hiding in the literal and figurative corners. Lilith moves into Cancer in your 5th house, and this could be a change in how you create, or how you find inspiration to create.
Don’t be afraid of your dark side! The real juice is Neptune and Jupiter, because they conjunct in your 1st house of identity. Put yourself first for a while. Expand what the definition of you really is. You have this energy available to you through the end of May, and amazing transformations can be made during this time.

I would like to change my “returns” policy.

As a professional astrologer, I do try to keep things mostly positive, because I am secretly an optimist. I believe that good things can (and do) come out of even the most horrible life events. But as we all know, life is sometimes just not positive.

 
Sure, every 12 years we get a Jupiter return, and our confidence can be enhanced. But around 30, we get the much touted "Saturn Return". Closer to 40ish we get the "Saturn opposition" and the "Uranus opposition" (the "mid life crisis" transit). Also in our 40's we get a Pluto square and Neptune square. All of those are challenging. But if you're doing it right, you learn a lot about yourself. Until you are just about sick of learning about yourself.

Then just as you're approaching 50 and you think "I'm a badass bitch and look at everything I've been through and how wise I am now. My children are older and I can focus on myself a little bit. My life is pretty stable, at least compared to my 30's and 40's. I think I've got this! I'm gonna cruise into my pre-retirement years like a boss and finally take better care of my skin".

 
And then one day you find yourself eating a pie in your bed and crying while you watch comedy on Netflix. And after you scrape your contact lenses out of your eyes, you look to your chart to see what in the actual fuck is happening and there it is...Chiron. That wounded centaur bastard has made a visit to his natal placement to remind you of your wounds so you can heal them. And voila...you're having a Chiron return.

 
And by "you", I mean ME. ME. I am you. It is happening to me. I am eating tear seasoned bed pie. And I just dropped my fork and it has cat hair on it and whyyyyyyy??!!!

Not the most optimistic transit. Probably requires pie.

 
I am sick of "returns". Nope, thanks guys, I'm good. You can just stay away. No need to visit. I'm closed. Bye. Go on Sabbatical or hiatus or vacation or something. Just skip me, it's fine. Really. No need to return. I probably understood it the first time.

 
Sigh. Nope. The centaur just handed me a napkin and a clean fork for my pie...

Love, war, and the sacred wound - BitchScopes for April 4-11

Interesting week, by the looks of it. We have sharp minds & fluffy hearts, but we may be introspective or reminiscing, digging up old stuff that hurt us. Romantic partners may offer a source of support for some.  For you unpartnered bitches, there is quite a bit of romance available thanks to Venus in floaty, sentimental, sensitive Pisces.

It doesn’t feel like a great week at the office for most of us (there are exceptions). There’s some chaos and some butt-hurt-ed-ness, as well as some bitterness possible. All of this comes to the surface for no greater purpose than healing, but that is not usually like a day at the spa. You know how it goes.
We are motivated by this hurt though, and that’s positive, even if in the moment it may not feel like it. You may be ready to polish up your resume and get the hell out, or you may realize you’ve overlooked some benefits due to your tendency to sabotage when wounded.

Eris, Lilith and Mars are all present this week. Not to be outdone, even though her transit is overlooked, is Pallas. Pallas and Mercury together can be genius, and in some cases, that genius may be used to win a war. Eris and Lilith are present to make sure the underdog, the under represented, the oppressed, are strongly represented. They will poke the bear and confront inequality. I can’t help but think of Ukraine when writing this. I use the phrase “poke the bear” somewhat regularly, but it is interesting in this context because the bear is often the symbol of Russia. A Russian fuel depot was bombed at the end of last week, and Ukraine has been credited with it. I think they are denying it, but this would be one of the first strong offensive moves from Ukraine, who up to now has mostly been defending itself. News also reports that have regained Kyiv, but it is far from over, unfortunately.
In our personal lives, Eris and Lilith can make us pretty confrontational as well, so it is something to be aware of. If you want to figuratively bomb the fuel depot, do it intentionally and not because your impulses got away from you.

Happy April. Happy Springtime. Ramadan Mubarak. Carpe Diem. Etcetera.



Monday 4 April
Mars conjunct Saturn - Driven, maybe angry

Tuesday 5 April
Venus enters Pisces - sensitive and dreamy
Juno square North Node - partnership at odds with progress
Mars square north and south Nodes - lessons from the past motivate you

Wednesday 6 April
Mercury conjunct Pallas - brilliant and possibly dangerously so

Thursday 7 April
Chiron sextile Vesta - identify what hurts; healing through devotion to something
Mercury sextile Saturn - sharp thinking
Mars sextile Eris - Confrontational and willful

Friday 8 April
Uranus square Vesta - chaos at work
Mercury sextile Mars - quick thinking and reflexes; driven
Mercury conjunct Eris - gives voice to the oppressed
Jupiter sextile True Node - good luck & optimism

Saturday 9 April
Mercury sextile Juno - easy expression with partner

Sunday 10 April
Mars conjunct Juno - focused/passionate partnerships
Mercury sextile Lilith - unresolved anger/digging up the past
Mercury square Pluto - intense thoughts and communication
Mercury enters Taurus - introspective and practical

Monday 11 April
Saturn square North Node - restricted by obligations

ARIES - You may be feeling a bit more private about your affections and wanting to shield your current sensitivity from the world. You intuition is being activated by Venus transiting you 12th house, so you gut instincts will be spot on. You can do some great budgeting or financial planning under the current transits. But do give yourself the solitude you crave; sink into the softer and cushier side of yourself and of life.


TAURUS - You may find yourself speaking up about things you have been thinking about. The timing is great for this, because Mercury in your sign is giving your words practicality and weight. Friends and friendships become a focus for you while Venus is in Pisces, and this could even lead to romance. A friend might introduce you to someone, or someone you’ve been just friends with may express wanting something more. ooooooo.


GEMINI - That busy Gemini mind may be keeping its ideas to itself for a few weeks as Mercury transits your 12th house of solitude. You might crave more privacy. However, you might discover your boss or co workers treating you or reacting to you differently, and no, there’s nothing on your face. Venus in Pisces transiting your 10th house makes you a charming AF co-worker. Your professional creativity can see a real boost at this time as well.


CANCER - Your thoughts and ideas may be more focused on your personal goals and big dreams during Mercury’s transit of your 11th house. You might find yourself wanting to spice up your love life with something exotic, or if you’re single, with someone exotic. Oooooo. Alternatively, you may crave a little adventure as Venus dances through your 9th house. If you have the ability to scamper off to an art museum or take a little trip to someplace that feels sexy, do it.


LEO - You have a cool few weeks ahead with Mercury in your 10th house and Venus in your 8th. You can capitalize on your substantial creative reservoir to benefit your career, and Venus may help you win some financial gains, either by a reduction in debt, or by money you have access to through a partnership. These 2 transits work beautifully together to give you a boost in both houses. Don’t sleep on it.


VIRGO - Did you ever just flip through the encyclopedia when you were a kid? If you’re around my age, I know you did. That curiosity and hunger for knowledge and grand ideas will be ignited while Mercury in Taurus transits your 9th house. You can be a great conversationalist at this time as well, so if you feel like mingling…do it! If you are already coupled, your attention is likely going to be squarely on your partner and your relationship. Sounds like a lovely time to me!


LIBRA - Well, not only is it a lovely day at the office, but you’re intuitive skills are on point. Venus is what is beautifying your immediate environment and the people or things you serve in it (it need not be “work” or “job”, per se. It is also your body, your wellness, and also your pets.). Mercury is going deep while it transits your 8th house, making you insightful, intuitive and deeply introspective. You may also feel more curious about taboo stuff, esoteric stuff, and oh, astrology. Overall, it looks like things are smoothing out for you (and your pets).


SCORPIO - Oh, Venus in your 5th house is fun and sexy! You are expressive, charming and romantic. And THEN, Mercury is in your 7th house of relationships. Your communication with those closest and dearest to you will be very good. You will be very mentally focused on creating balance and harmony. If there are any issues in your current partnership, this is a time that you might find some resolution.


SAGITTARIUS - You have a lovely few weeks ahead of you. Mercury in Taurus is transiting your 6th house, which Mercury naturally rules, and Venus in Pisces is in fellow water sign 4th house. You may feel pretty sensitive and maybe a little needier than usual if you are in a relationship. Your sense of security could need reassurance. Mercury will give you great focus and organizational skills.


CAPRICORN - Your creative expression will benefit from the transit of Mercury though your 5th house. You may be more mentally focused on, and communicating more with your children. You may not be as focused as you usually are, but that’s balance for ya. Let your mind have some fun. Meanwhile, Venus may increase your chattiness and desire to socialize and vocalize. Intellectual conversations are more interesting to you than small talk, but overall there’s a lot of charm to these transits for you.


AQUARIUS - Your sense of security will be highlighted, and likely comforted by Venus’ transit through your 2nd house, which is ruled by Taurus. This is associated with buying new things, and an increased need for comfort. Your finances may even see a boost with Venus in that house. Mercury in Taurus will be in the 4th house, which rules the home and family, so there will be a lot of focus around those issues. Funny story: I am an Aquarius, and we started the process of looking for a home last week, long before I wrote this or looked at the transits. We will be moving during these transits! (I would love the universe to rain down some money because moving is expensive. ack!) I’ve been ordering decorating stuff, because I love decorating…and also because… Taurus!


PISCES - Even though the sun has left your sign, you have some really favorable transits right now. Mercury in Taurus is transiting the 3rd house, which it naturally rules. Your communication will be practical and your mind will be busy. Venus in your sign means you should be feeling more social, charming and friendly. You may also feel like pampering yourself and it will be hard to deny yourself the little luxuries you desire. No one else is likely to tell you no either, so get your groove on!