BitchScopes for the week of 4/27-5/3

This week is very mercurial, both in the fact that Mercury makes several aspects and in that the mood will change a lot from week beginning to end.  

The beginning of the week asks you to be particularly well connected to your body.  Your senses can guide you to breakthroughs. You’ll need to do some mental work to climb the hill of this idea.  But once at the top, the view will be stunning. 

Sunday be aware of intoxication and illusion in regard to yourself and someone else.  

 Here’s this week’s planetary activities, which provide the over-arching theme of the week.  Below that are the weekly scopes by sign.  

Apr 27 - Mercury enters Taurus - sensory input and information from the body becomes more important. Decision making can take a bit longer. When you speak, people will be inclined to listen. 

Apr 29 - Pallas enters Aquarius - ability to see the big picture and to think futuristically

Apr 28 – Mercury square Saturn- hard mental work, best done solo. Attention to detail in communication.  

Apr 30 – Mercury conjunct Uranus- brilliant insights and flashes of genius

May 3– Venus square neptune- disillusionment about self or love

ARIES -  you may surprise yourself with a desire to learn and expand.  And it may not even involve running or working out… wut?!! A seed was planted in your mind recently that you weren’t even aware of that will ignite a need to understand something new.  In this process, a new friendship may form. This is all happening behind the scenes right now. But this week you may get a hint. What is the thing which has your mind occupied lately? Tune in.   

TAURUS - temptation may tap you this week.  But you’d be wise to tune in to the source of inspiration you may have found recently instead. If you haven’t found it yet, you will.  You don’t need to do anything except have your eyes open. This week, boredom may continue to taunt you. But you must leave well enough alone. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.  Let sleeping dogs lie. Any other cliches to illustrate the wisdom of not poking a bear.  

GEMINI - a snap judgment or decision you’ve made may have you second guessing yourself.  Self reflection is good, and honestly not your greatest strength. But let’s be clear- your ability to think on your feet and make quick judgment calls IS one of your strengths.  So the issue may be with a person involved in said decision and not the decision itself.  

CANCER-  perhaps the only sign who dislikes confrontation more than you is Libra.  And this week a regular source of stress ( in the form of another flesh suit) may really irk you.  Your tendency is to back away slowly (or sideways) but in this case you really should stand your ground.  It might be uncomfortable but you’ll be glad in the end.   

LEO -  this week you may feel a little off kilter, which may lead to annoyance.  Be aware that this is probably coming from within, not someone else. Explore the idea that you are feeling the desire for more control in some area of your life.  And maybe not everyone would tell you this, but you should have it. But it may also be a practice rather than an instant change. Be patient and flexible in how you achieve comfort.  But do go after it.  

VIRGO  - you know exactly what your skills and talents are. This week you may be asked to teach some of them.  This suits you incredibly well, but you may find yourself second guessing. Go slow and don’t commit to anything big just yet.  Take a nibble. I think you will be pleased. 

LIBRA - you are, or soon will be, in a great position for making leaps ahead.  But in order to avoid that analysis paralysis you sometimes suffer from, it would be very good for you to sit with yourself and think about what you want and how you want your future to look.  Write it down. Reverse engineering, even… write down your ultimate goals, no matter if they are big or small. Back up a couple steps to what would be needed to get there. Then when opportunities arise you will know what is the best fit.  It’s exciting! 

SCORPIO - this week may challenge you.  You’ll need to look at the big picture and remain calm in the face of minor drama.  Don’t get caught in a whirling dirvish of details. Rise above the situation using your gut.  Part of this may be a professional situation, which is why your response is important, versus your reaction.  Level head. You can do hard things! 

SAGITTARIUS -  your mission this week, should you chose to accept it, is to have patience with people around you.  Certain people close to you may step on your last nerve. Sure you could hand them their ass. But you could also try to listen without interject a thing.  In better news, a career opportunity is coming. A way to expand your current gig or a new avenue. Keep your mind open 

CAPRICORN - this week should find you feeling creative and communicative. Forging connections and solving problems will happen pretty naturally.  Harness your creative streak to tap in to new ideas you can work into your business plan. Your challenge is to try to allow things to remain organic and don’t fuss too much or for too long.  

AQUARIUS - this week you will probably want some space.  Not that this is unusual. You just may be a little behind on your alone time quota.  So when you are asked to participate in some group activities (even meetings by zoom, etc) you may feel irked.  Try to contain your annoyance because later in the week you will have plenty of alone time. In other words, play nice.  It’ll be your turn soon. 

PISCES - a personal relationship may cause you some angst this week.  The problem isn’t really them, it’s more likely how you’ve let them treat you.  Squishy Boundaries- The ever present pisces problem. Dig down and try to identify the specifics of the boundary problem. This is fixable if you want it to be.  

BitchScopes for the week of April 20th

This is rather an important week for all of us, astrologically. The highlights for this week are the potent new moon, and Pluto going retrograde. The New Moon brings the true opportunity for new beginnings. Pluto retrograde offers us time for deep reflection into our shadow, both as a species, and as a country. We need to dig deep and pull out what we are really made of - which is stardust and badassness. On the surface, we are bajiggity and fearful. But underneath that is fertile soil for significant growth.

Here’s this week’s planetary activities, which provide the over-arching theme of the week. Below that are the weekly scopes by sign.

Everyone gets a nickname this week, which I found very amusing...


Apr 21 – Sun square Saturn - feeling of restriction, heaviness (duh, Kel. Well, I just report the news, I don’t make it up)

Apr 22, 10:25 pm – New Moon Taurus - this new moon could bring difficult shifts. It is conjunct uranus (in Taurus) and square saturn (in Aquarius). We may feel torn, collectively and personally about where our energy should be: with the collective greater good or securing our own comfort zone. We very much need comfort now. Perhaps we need to find it in the grass, the dirt, the water, the sunlight. Do what you can, even if it means ordering some potting soil on Amazon and having a small window garden to tend to. Regrow some green onions. Anything like this will be healing. Also think about sunrise, sunset, candlelight, and the comfort and peace those things bring. Spiritually and energetically, plant new seeds for a new reality, a new life, a new beginning. This is where it starts!

Apr 25 – Mercury square Pluto - deep thinking and conversations

Apr 25 – Pluto Retrograde - there are 2 distinct schools of thought about Pluto retrograde this year. One is that Pluto retrograde will cause a massive increase in deaths. This is plausible simply because of the trajectory of this covid crisis. The other theory is that Pluto retrograde is somewhat weakened and the death toll will decrease. I believe this retrograde will have a specific focus, where things will become more intense. I feel this focus will be more of an economic crisis, which already is forming. In the USA, Pluto retrogrades in our 2nd house of money. I do think our death stats from covid will peak shortly after this retrograde happens, but that’s just logical deduction. However Pluto is not without purpose. This time of difficulty will also be a fertile time of rebirth for some of our ailing systems. When we come out of this retrograde in the mid-Autumnl, we will likely see some more covid cases, but not at this same level. We will be still trying to figure out how to regain some of our lost money...all of us, everywhere. But we will have gained something you only gain from going into the underworld...appreciation for life, loved ones, simple comforts, and freedom. We will recover the rest in time.

Apr 26 – Mercury square Jupiter - optimistic hopes

Apr 26 – Sun conjunct Uranus - urge to break free (Uh. yeah. We’re all feeling that, Kel). But also unexpected change, excitement and energy.



ARIES - if you need a place to focus your energy, start with your finances, Clark. (yeah, like superman. Don’t let it go to your head.) Yeah, I know, that’s boring. But it will give you a sense of peace and purpose and free up your mental energy for better things going forward. Come up with a plan, even if it is humble, to pay down some debt, or save. Then you can reward yourself with nice run on the treadmill, you weirdo.


TAURUS - Boredom will be your undoing, Wally (Wall-y, like a wall, which is immoveable. haha). You may be contemplating doing something that you wouldn’t normally. And truthfully, you probably shouldn’t. But farbeit for an Aquarius to tell someone not to do something, because I know how that works. But if you can hold your horses, you may find something better coming for you later this week or next. Just be aware of your own actions, oh ye of self sabotage.


GEMINI - You may find closure to some things this week (which always seems impossible when your brain never stays quiet long enough to read the teleprompter in your mind), Jimmi. It may be the deepening of a relationship, the beginning of healing a rift or wound, or the end of a previously made commitment. The latter is not a bad thing, rather, a release that you would be glad for. Whatever comes of this week, you will be unshackled in a positive way.


CANCER- You may feel like being in your shell this week, Patty. But your expert point of view may be sought after this week in your close professional circle. While you may be uncomfortable, just be yourself and share your knowledge. You have a goal in mind and you are closer to reaching it than you can currently see. Make a point of connecting with your tribe this week - maybe to brainstorm, if not to just socialize and laugh.


LEO - This is a good week for a deep dive into your desires for your own path, BitchWhiskers. You know what your skills and talents are. Others do also. But some people close to you project their desires for you onto you and you’ve absorbed this for a long time. Its time to sort the cat nip from the weeds, and pursue the path that lights you up.


VIRGO - This may be a week of improvements to yourself, your career, and your close relationships, Virg. You could suddenly see someone close to you in a new light, and it may spark some unsettling feelings. You don’t need to take action, just observe. This is an opportunity to deepen and strengthen this connection. And while we are always thinking about romantic relationships, this may very well be a work partner of some kind. Just let the information come to you and observe it.


LIBRA - The general chaos and disorder of life may be making you feel real bajiggity, Libby. But things should start to feel better, if they haven’t already. Life is anything but balanced right now. Look to your foundations to get the ship on even keel. You may be looking for your career to open up, and it will, but where you need to find real peace is in your home. Demonstrate, even if just for yourself, what you want life to look and feel like.


SCORPIO - Dream big this week, Stinger. There may be a complex money issue at the forefront of your mind. Call in your counsel of geniuses (because you have such a counsel!) to try to unravel it. But behind that is a long-held goal that you haven’t been able to let go of. And why should you? Explore it this week. You’re worthy of this dream!


SAGITTARIUS - Well Terry (your new nickname), you may find yourself daydreaming, particularly about the past, or the good ol’ days. The normally eternally (dare I say, annoyingly) optimistic part of your mind may be suffering a bit from reality overload, and you may feel discouraged about ever having “the good ol’ days” again. But you will. Your optimism will return and you’ll be feeling more yourself soon. It’s the new moon affecting you. While money is important, stay true to your path this week when a project presents itself. It may not feel quite right...go with that.


CAPRICORN - You are the emblem and mascot for hard work and achievement, Billy. But much to your chagrin, sometimes it takes more than that. This wek you may find that what has been lacking from your business plan is your heart. You aren’t one to really reveal your deep thoughts and vulnerabilities. But you may receive a sign that makes it clear to you that the place you’ve opened up emotionally, is the path forward.


AQUARIUS - You may get a spark of inspiration this week that prompts you to pursue something new, or broaden your horizons in a pretty kick ass way! Your home foundation will provide you the spring board from which you can plan you jump into a life with more Freedom. And you’re the poster girl for Freedom, Barb, so let’s do this. (I’m calling you Barb, because of the classic SNL sketch of “Barbara Wawa”, because you’re the wawa carrier…and you can be a bit barbed as well) Embrace this burst of confidence and weach fow the staws!


PISCES - You may be exceptionally curious and wanting to learn new things this week,Gill, either about a hobby or a new pursuit. You may be like a freight train on a mission for information. Being in this mode, you may find yourself irritated with someone close to you. But do be aware that this person may need to connect with you in a deeper way. Google will be there waiting for you when you return. Remember to keep an eye on the future with your finances and don’t fall headlong into a spending spree trying to quench your thirst.

How's this for a title?

Well hey, Bitches. How the fuck are you? I sat down to write and I really couldn't.  But I found this old blog entry which I feel is somehow appropriate, because Depression is the new thing for so many people right now. And the anniversary of my dad's passing is coming up. Mostly, I chose this because I don't have anything else. But I suspect out there somewhere is a reason that I chose this. Because we are stuck in this stillness, where time stands mostly still, and we are all grieving.  You let me know...

 And I did this rambling little video.


Love you.

Daylight is Brutal

September 23, 2017

So...i’m depressed. Yep. it was hard for me to reach the point where I can say “I’m depressed” but I’m here now. And yep, I am depressed. Maybe the more I say it the better I will feel.

I’m depressed.

Nope. It isn’t really helping.

So I guess this kind of thing happens when you’re a human. I read that somewhere.

Oh I also teach that. Cuz I’m like a spiritual advisor and stuff. I coach clients through dark times. I do that. I tell them all the time that there is no shame in being depressed now and then. When you get to the massively depressed get me off the planet feelings, you gotta seek bigger help. I'm not at that point. I'm just at the staying my yoga pants and in my bed most of the time. First I blamed the summer heat, which IS oppressive by the way. But it’s 70 outside today. I just ordered the kids pizza and I’m eating said pizza in my bed. In my sleep shirt.

I suppose that it is “normal” to feel like this after the death of a parent. My dad died 4 months ago. I was there. As these things go it was really beautiful. I mean it was ugly and horrible. It was gut wrenching. I watched my mom’s legs give way at one point. And my dad’s face was twisted into this horrible expression. Until the moment he died. Then he was my beautiful daddy again. Only he was gone. So that sucked. Hard. And the relationship that was supposed to be the one, that also died a few months before dad. And work is kinda horrendous.

Ok I’m back. Well you didn’t know I went anywhere but I had to distract myself with a spot of something on my nightstand because the feelings were coming out of my eyes and feeling kinda big n stuff. I got the spot. Whew.

So...yeah I am a bit depressed. So I thought what better way to spend a saturday when we should all be outside than in my bed eating pizza. I’m allergic to cheese. Perfect. I’ll order a movie. So i order this movie about a girl who gets really sick and her boyfriend and parents spend all this time in the hospital while they are trying to figure her out.

That was an awesome idea. Because the images of the hospital rooms and the discussions with the doctors brought up all kinds of great and painful emotions that I had been saving for ...like ...my birthday probably. In the movie the girl is in the ICU. So was my dad. The nurses in the ICU are a whole other level of human awesomeness. I wanted to do awkward hugging of them several times. There’s a scene in this movie with one of the ICU nurses. That was pretty great. Because I had been wondering if I could still make that guttural sobbing sound. I can. That’s a skill that stays with you I guess.

Then there’s a scene where the camera is looking through the window of the hospital gift shop. And I had this total flashback. I bought the most amazing purse ever in that gift shop. The gay hotel concierge loved it, and it wasn’t even real leather. I wish I’d bought it in every color. I’d drive the 5 hours to get it in every color, but I called and they don’t have it anymore. There’s no tag in the purse, so I can’t google the brand or anything. Not that i have spent a lot of time trying to find ways to hoard this amazing purse that reminds me of my dad when he was in the hospital and he was on his way up and we were all exhausted but so hopeful. Hope. My purse would hold a lot of it because its pretty big. I stopped using it for a while because i didn’t want to wear it out since I can’t get another one. But I'm using it again now. I also have my dad’s t shirt on my pillow. And my son found an almost empty bottle of dad’s aftershave in a duffle bag my mom gave me. It has been years since my dad went anywhere with after shave. So it's like the most sacred liquid I can think of presently.

Hold on I have to dust my bedroom furniture. It’s really bugging me…

Ok that’s better. Another reason I prefer the night time. There is no sunlight pointing out your poor housekeeping abilities. Or reminding you that being in your pajamas at 2pm is ...less than perfectly ok.

Unless you’re a little depressed. I am.

That still isn’t making me feel better.

The pizza is giving me heartburn. Oh wait. That’s grief. Nevermind. The pizza is fine.

I got this nightgown sleep shirt thing on Amazon. Amazon is amazing. I’ve been on there a lot. They don’t have a purse like the one I got at the hospital though, which is disappointing.

I do shower. Kind of obsessively actually. I mean during the week I go to work and I’m ok. Yeah. But on the weekends, when I’m in bed eating pizza, I do get up and shower in between bowls of cereal and pizza. Because that’s healthy.

I’m gonna go finish this movie that hi dredging up painful shit now. That feels healthy somehow too. Cathartic. Or like lancing a wound. More like a bruise. You poke at it to see if it hurts. Of course it fucking hurts. Its purple. Its is blood pooling beneath the skin because you ran into something and injured yourself any tiny capillaries burst. Then sometimes it swells, which is a rush of fluid to the area so that white blood cells can fix things. But it looks pretty shitty. Kind of like crying, which also fixes things that are broken, but doesn’t look good.

I’m gonna go do that now. And then I’m gonna go shower. And take some windex to the mirrors because this fucking daylight thing is brutal.

The Cosmic dating game

I have been asked a few times about the astrology around this pandemic.  So I thought I would touch on it a little. Though more than the pandemic itself, my focus tends to be on the societal ripples from the pandemic. 

For a while now, the astrology community has been making a big deal out of 2020.  It’s almost cliche, because of the weird futuristic fiction novel vibe of the number 2020. But here we are, in the future with our floating cars and tinfoil fashion and telepathic implants. Wait, sorry. Disregard. I have jet lag from the Time Machine.  

Anyway, with the big planets recently all piling up in Capricorn, it has triggered a lot of “stuff” (understatement!). I call it the Cap convention, because its like the G6 summit of planets, with the power houses getting together and conjuncting each other to create powerful changes and shifts.  So let’s look at who has been in attendance and a little about that planet.  But I’m tired of politics so now I’m calling this a dating game.

*Game Show Voice*

Pluto - Pluto is the planet of Power and Death.  His hobbies include: change, disruption, upheaval, disease, transformation, rebirth, and sexuality.  Pluto’s not afraid of commitment and stays in a sign for about 16 years or so. Pluto is currently dating Capricorn, and the last time these 2 coupled was during the American Revolution. 

Jupiter - Jupiter is the planet of luck, fortune, and expansion.  Her hobbies include making things grow, bringing more of whatever she touches, travel, experience and optimism.  Jupiter likes to date around and hangs around in a sign for about 12 months. The last time Jupiter courted Cap was 2007-2009, which was our last major recession in the US. 

Saturn - Saturn is an older, stoic fella who is austere and aloof.  He gets a bad rap for being restrictive, stern and authoritative. His hobbies are building structures, foundations and boundaries, condensing things, and driving with one foot on the brake. Saturn is a short term serial monogamist who stays with a sign for about 3 years.  The last time he was with Capricorn, the Berlin wall fell. He recently moved in with Aquarius but will go back to Capricorn briefly. 

This menage-a-tois of powerful planets has created the COMPLETE social and economic upheaval we are experiencing as a world! Saturn’s tete a tete with the earth sign of Cap has shown us the oppression by world leaders,  problems in the global economy, and societal isms like, racism, homophobia, sexism, etc. 

But all three of these characters are moving into Aquarius, who is quite different from her predecessor. Aquarius is chaotic and likes to break things in order to fix them. Saturn in Aquarius (he is there now) will shake shit up and tear up some rules in favor of humanitarianism. As Saturn gains traction in Aquarius, world leaders will be held accountable and equality will be the focus. 

Aquarius also  rules technology, and the last time it was there in 1994 the internet was born to society! 

We all pretty much knew that the Saturn- Pluto conjunction in January (in cap) would bring about something big...because WWI, WWII, The Great Depression and the AIDS epidemic... all happened during a Saturn-Pluto conjunction. So clearly we are in historically significant soup right now. 

Then sassy Jupiter will conjunct Pluto 3 times this year, indicating some interesting dates of note regarding the Covid Pandemic and the economic impacts of it. Those dates are April 4th, June 10th, and November 12th.  Watch for numbers to possibly peak (infections, deaths, unemployment) around these dates. Of course this is all a bit subjective and full of confirmation bias. But it is pretty fascinating, all the same.  

Spring is “retrograde season” every year. This year is no different.  Pluto begins retrograde on April 25th, Saturn on May 5th, and Jupiter on May 14th.  What’s that mean? Well take your pick!

As with many areas of study, differing theories abound.  Some think retrogrades intensify the energy of a planet. Some think it weakens the energy. I tend to fall more in the latter category, but also believe that the energy around that planet becomes more focused.

So anecdotally, looking at the projections and speculation, as well as astrologically, I think our global trajectory is something like this - a peak in April, especially here in the US.  A slight decline in May. July a little “normality” (normality nouveau) returning to society. I do think there will be another smaller wave in late Fall. Then I think we will get a vaccine shortly after. Jupiter moves into Aquarius in December, with Saturn, where I think humanity as a whole will benefit from expansion of science. Pluto enters Aquarius in 2024 through 2044 and will really cement and deepen the work that Saturn and Jupiter did in Aquarius. 

This threesome is over this year, and Saturn and Pluto won’t meet up again until 2052. Breaking up may not be so hard to do, at least not for society. But the ripples of this triad will continue for many, many years.

What really interests me though, is not the predictions.  It’s the changes and effects on society that are both transitory and probably permanent that I have my eye on.  First of all, I, the grocery delivery Queen, am all about the drive through/curbside delivery life! I’m here for that! I’m also here for people minding their space a bit more, as that has always been a pet peeve of mine.  I’m all about virtual happy hour with friends and family around the world! I’m all for a lot more companies offering work-from-home options. I’m happy that our education system will be pushed toward more online options. I’m hopeful that “wet markets” will become a thing of the past.  For real. Such animal markets came under scrutiny after SARS, but then nothing much happened. I hope that governments see the cracks in their armor, the holes in their systems, the gaps in the medical care. I hope people in authority who’ve been humbled by the truth in the face of their ignorant denial hold on to those lessons in their souls.   I hope we truly start to see how fragile society is, how quickly people can slip into poverty, how fast poverty turns to starvation. I’m fully here for people encouraging and checking on each other. I’m here for kindness. I’m all in for viewing our food service and grocery workers with more respect. I’m here for living wages for the people we took for granted until we were personally affected.  

These are the things I hope the Capricorn love/hate triangle will teach us.  And as we move into the age of Aquarius, may we truly care about each other more than we care about ourselves.  

Be well. Take care.  Connect with each other.