Bitchstrology for that big ol' Blue Full Moon in Pisces August 30, 2023

Woo! Guys, I’m just gonna get right into it because this week is very powerful!

Oh hi, how are you? Mmmm, good. Ok great.

Ok so anyway. Big, powerful breakthroughs this week, Bitch! Here’s the quick n dirty - 

Venus is going direct, Uranus is going retrograde, there’s a Full Blue Moon, and Jupiter is going retrograde!

We have a lot of Earth energy, which can make us feel stuck, stubborn, and a bit too worried about details. Venus going direct will help by giving us some needed fire. But we are still a bit unbalanced in the earth energy.

“Oh but that Full Pisces Moon, Kelly…what about that, ya dumb Bitch?”

 

Oh. MmmHmmm. So we have a bunch of stiff ass Taurus earth. And then we're gonna add a torrential downpour of Pisces. You know what that sounds like? A mudslide. And if I expound upon that metaphor, we have intense emotions AND worry, running amok, knocking down trees and old ladies and mailboxes…it’s not pretty.

What is almost completely lacking this week? AIR! Logic, reason, accountability, boundaries…

Oh, sweet, sweet boundaries. Saturn is retrograde in Pisces. Boundaries, boundaries, whereforeart thou, Boundaries?

We have no idea. Saturn and all decorum is drowning in Pisces! Politics has no boundaries and I think that’s self explanatory. Parents have no boundaries - they’re cracking eggs on their unsuspecting children’s head for fuck’s sake! Dating has no boundaries. AI has no boundaries. Hmmm…Sports might have some. Good job, Sports. Anyway…I’ve gone off roading. Let me get this vehicle back between the lines.

Monday - Uranus, planet of change and rebellion, retrogrades in Taurus, so we can reflect on how we have changed and see how we want to break free

Wednesday - There’s a Full Blue Moon in Pisces. This is the 2nd Full Moon in the month of August, hence the “blue”. This makes it supercharged. This moon is carrying the energy of BIG energetic and emotional release! Saturn retrograde in Pisces is only 3ish degrees away from this moon, either dissolving boundaries or enforcing them. Chiron is hanging out on Wednesday too, offering healing and with Mercury’s help, overcoming and healing blockages.

Friday is interesting because for one, Mars is quincunx Saturn, which can be frustrating. Ok its not interesting, its frustrating. But then…then there is the occultation of Neptune by the moon. The Moon occults, or obscures, Neptune. Neptune is the planet of dream, fantasy, illusion, intuition. If the moon, our emotional intelligence, is obscuring the illusion, then we must be facing the truth…yes?

Yes. So this is still related to that release of the Full Moon. It’s a doozy.

Saturday and Sunday we get some planetary vitamins. Saturday the Sun is quincunx Chariklo. Chariklo helps us have compassion and hold space for ourselves, and boy is that well timed! Thanks, girl!

Sunday Venus goes direct, thank goddess! The show resumes! Intermission is over! The house lights are flickering! Back to your seats! Places!

Also on Sunday Neptune is quincunx Lilith. This is personal growth! I have fewer exclamatory sentences for this one! That’s it! Personal Growth! That’s enough!

And that’s a wrap for this week! It’s a big one. It could be dramatic. It could be emotional. It could be intense. But you know what? It could also be beautiful. It could also be liberating. It could also be celebratory. It could also be revolutionary and/or revelatory! (Ooooh, word play. Look, there’s Air!)

We do actually need some Air energy. So in Bitchscopes I suggest how you can balance all this muddy mess with an air sign/house well aspected to to your sign. I also suggest what you might consider releasing in a full moon ceremony. For these ceremonies, write some things down on small pieces of paper. To release the energy, either burn the paper or put the paper in a small container of water. Or partially burn it and put it in the water. There aren’t rules in magic! Put the water/ashes/paper under the moonlight (with your crystals if you’re charging them). Before the Sun is fully up, toss your wish water out in your garden and bring in your crystals. Also, if you want to release something that isn’t mentioned in your horoscope…do it!

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BitchStrology for the week of August 20th - Get Your Shit Together!

Hey Bitches! 

This planet is insane. I’m in the path of Hurricane Hilary and I’m inland in central California! I’ll be fine, but as I type this we are putting batteries in everything. It should be just a storm by the time it gets to me, but I hope my friends in So Cal will be ok.  There’s so much earth trauma right now.  Maui.  Wildfires all over Canada.  A hurricane in California?! There are wildfires in the Canary Islands in Spain…(Spain has been hot AF and drought-stricken for a couple years).  One can only hope that this is Mother Nature giving us a slap to pay attention to climate change and that the powers that be will finally get it!  Uranus in Taurus has some say in these crazy events. But…that’s not what we are talking about today. 

This is a week of Mercury stationing retrograde! Moreover, the Sun and Mars both change signs, and Uranus stations retrograde. 

Once Uranus stations retrograde, we will have 6 planets in retro.  Jupiter will join them in September, but then Mercury and Venus will go direct by mid-September, giving us just 5 planets retrograde.  During this period of so many retrogrades, you might hear a lot of bullshit that feels unnerving.  Don’t buy into any fear mongering…this is normal and happens every single year. Mars and Venus retrogrades are probably the most intense for most people.  Mercury retrogrades so often it's more like…period cramps…an annoying inconvenience.  

But back to this week…with this many planets changing energies we will have to  adjust.  So this week might be less pleasant.  I’m calling this week’s energy “Get your shit together!” and here’s why: 

We start the week on Monday with the Sun quincunx Pluto, which can make us a smidge neurotic or obsessive.  Lilith also trines Eris on Monday, an aspect I was giddy about last week.  Focus on feeling empowered.  Say yes to personal boundaries and standing in your power. Say no to Facebook stalking your ex’s new wife. 

Tuesday is a mixed bag, and I don’t mean apples and oranges… I mean strawberries and fish!  Venus Square Jupiter is quite optimistic, but Mars opposite Neptune is the opposite! Mars opposite Neptune can feel discouraging and inadequate.  You are perfectly adequate and worthy of happiness, so try to lean into the strawberry energy.  And if that doesn’t work, just know that any shitty feelings you have will change soon. 

Wednesday the Sun enters Virgo and Mercury begins its retrograde in Virgo.  This is the “get your shit together” energy.  Virgo is precise and detail oriented.  She is embodied and in touch with the flesh suit.  She is dedicated, hardworking, perfectionist, and she can feel critical.  It might be self critical, or it might make some of us critical of others.  Virgo is also very giving, generous, and charitable, so it is a big shift from the massive Leo energy and we might have a bit of an energetic hangover for a few days.  

Mercury retrograde in Virgo is very detail oriented, introspective and focused on routine.  This retrograde might mess up something with your day-to-day flow, tasks, habits, etc.  Like at work instead of working on the massive pile of deadlines you were planning on attacking, you might be “asked” to help a co-worker, and it completely jacks up your flow.  Wherever you have Virgo in your chart, you might be a little obsessive and hyper-focused. Make sure you aren’t over communicating.  Read your emails 2-3 times before sending, both for errors and for pissy-ness.  Back up important data.  Have batteries on hand.  Tend to the needs of your car.  Have phone numbers handy for a plumber, HVAC guy, handyman, electrician, mechanic, etc.  If you aren’t shocked when your car battery suddenly fails, it is a lot less jarring. As a single mother, a dashboard light would send me into a panic.  

Mars is quincunx the North Node on Wednesday as well, so you might need to make adjustments to your plans. Virgo might be the one who finds the error in the process.  She’s useful and helpful even when she’s a bit annoying. 

Thursday through Saturday we have determination and genius problem solving skills thanks to Mars trine Pluto and Mercury conjunct Pallas, respectively. Friday is a no pants day…woohoo!

Sunday, don’t be surprised if something just doesn’t work out. The Sun is opposite Saturn which is a restrictive, contractive energy.  Thank goddess, Mars enters Libra on Sunday, giving us charm and courage. Mars in Libra is an upbeat, generous energy.  Watch for playing (or arguing with) Devil’s advocate. 

Monday is when Uranus stations retrograde in Taurus. Taurus is physical resources, comfort, luxury, sensuality, money, and food.  Uranus, planet of change and rebellion, is an outer, social planet who mostly affects society as a whole.  But Aquarians and strong Uranian people could feel it personally.  Overall it’s an energy of breaking free, rebelling, embracing change. It pairs well with Mercury retrograde in Virgo.  

Mix it up. Get organized.  Get chaotic.  Take it apart to put it back together.  Change things up.  Say no.  Say yes unexpectedly.  Change your mind. Change it back.  Make a list. Make another list. Make a list with colored markers. Download 6 apps.  Face your fears. Refine your goals. Question your own authenticity. Question your purpose. Make a better budget. Decide to be vegan or vegetarian.  Don’t spend too much money. Change how you spend money. Strategize. Make new alliances.  Recognize and accept your feelings about your relationship.  Stand up for justice and equality. Use your charm to move mountains.  Stand still and feel our own power. 

Get your shit together! 

Bitchtastic New Moon in Leo and the week of August 14th

Well, there’s a lot that I could talk about this week. As we all know, I don’t usually struggle with things to talk about. But I am fixated and obsessed with this New Moon on Wednesday the 16th. I am calling it the Goddess New Moon!

But first I will focus and go in order and then I will get excited and flap my arms around. Ok. I can do this.

Monday - Venus trines Chiron which gives an opportunity for healing your self worth. The whole country needs that right now. Can we put that in the water supply? No. Ok then moving on…

Tuesday the Sun Squares Uranus. You might feel anxious tension or a feeling of restlessness or impending change. If you are a fixed sign, “change” feels like “doom”. But it isn’t, so call a mutable sign and calm your tits.

Wednesday Mercury is quincunx Chiron, so you might feel insecure about your message, or have a mental block that is related to a wound. Here’s an example: One time in High School I was trying to write about the loss of a young family member for an assignment and I just couldn’t do it. It was a mess. My teacher told me to pick something less raw and personal. Boom. assignment done. Also Wednesday Mars in Virgo is trine Uranus in Taurus. This transit helps us have courage to actualize our vision and to try new things. Unexpected opportunities can show up. I love that for us. Oh and also Wednesday there is a fucking amazing new moon, but NBD, more on that in a minute. (Squeeeeee!!!)

Thursday, take off your pants because there are no major transits.

Friday is another day I am “squeeeeee!” about. The Sun conjunts Lilith and trines Eris. OH. MY. Goddess! Also NBD. Empowerment, badassery, Bitchcraft…(eeeee!!!) More on this in a moment.

Over the weekend, we gotta take care of ourselves. There is a building energy around being on track for our fate. But this weekend, FIRST we need an outlet for our random, wild energy. THEN we gotta spend a little time with ourselves and see if our identity feels authentic, and if so, we gotta put some energy into believing in what we are doing. Listen, Bitch! You’re in the right place! You’re doing great! You’re making progress! Life is pretty hard but you’re doing it! Cycles of flow - right on sister! Cycles of ebb - change is coming! Just believe in yourself. Sunday the Sun trines Elatus and gives your inspiration a voice! Take the mic and slay! (my kids love it when I use GenZ vernacular haha)

And then Monday Lilith is trine Eris. la dee da. No biggie. SQUEEEEE! Badass bitch alert!

I made this image with an AI engine!

Ok so now, back to this new moon.

You guys!

Wow. Ok facts: New Moon in Leo at 23° at 2:37am Pacific and 5:37am Eastern. This moon is part of the Divine Conspiracy to get you in touch with your passions, pick up forgotten hobbies, and in general, chase joy (or let joy catch up). Leo has this weird way of laser focusing on a situation and just asking “why aren’t you happy?” It comes naturally to a Leo the way seriousness comes naturally to a Cap. You should have joy. Why don’t you have joy? Get joy!

But the aspects to this New Moon are INSANE.

• Moon conjunct Venus - joy and pleasure

• Moon trine Chiron - healing!

• Moon trine Uranus - Ok this is moody

• Moon quincunx Neptune - could be oversensitive, but also incredibly psychic!

• Moon quincunx Pluto - ok she could be intense. But …

• The Moon is trine the North Node and Pluto is square the North Node and together they are helping you refine what you’re pursuing or being drawn to.

• And then…Moon conjunct Lilith! Swoon! This combination gives goddess Kali energy! She’s a mother, but she’s a MOTHER…IYKYK. AND!!

• Aaaaand…Moon trine Eris - um…resilience, insight, bravery, grace under fire. She’s like “Beach (because she has some kind of eastern euro accent in my mind) dry your leettle human tears, because iz making your beau-tee-ful eyes all puffy like we no like…and beach, we have asses to keek!”

“Ok Kel, so we get it. You’re unhinged about this moon. What should normal people do?”

Ohmygoddess! Manifest your passions! Put your biggest dream up on the vision board because these girls are not playing! Leo is about heart. Eris and Lilith are about empowerment. Chiron is about healing. Venus is about love…self love in this case. (Uranus just joined to make it a real party because he has crazy ideas.) The fact is that the world really needs your passion, your vision, your magic more than ever!

The current North Node is in Aries (just changed from Taurus a few weeks ago). This is initiating energy. This is “go after it’s wild ass” energy. This is confidence about who and where we are. This is about being the main character in your story. This will look different for everyone, particularly people from different generations, so don’t judge yourself based on someone else’s horoscope. Eyes on your own paper.

The North Node in the sky is where we are all sort of going collectively at the moment. And the Divine wants us to claim our spot, be an Aries, and pursue whatever the thing is. That energy, together with the New Moon, we can harness that energy to maximize our manifesting efforts. This is an Event! This is Taylor Swift and Beyonce doing a song together!

Ladies and Bitches, in this corner we have a lot of fire in the form of Leo, containing: the Sun, The New Moon, Lilith And Venus Retrograde. And in this corner we have more fire in the form of Aries: The North Node, Chiron, and Eris. When I ring this bell, they are not going to fight, they are not going to brawl, they are going to dance! They are going to burn down your obstacles. They are going to illuminate the path ahead of you! They are going to whisper to each other! They are going to discuss your human potential! They are going to do secret handshakes and exchange knowing glances! They are going to conspire for your success!


DING DING!!

BitchStrology for August 7-13 - Check your socks 💩

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And now, without adieu…the scoop!

Hello Glitteratti! Welcome to another week of fun times on Earth! Let’s see what color we need to paint our nails* to deal with humaning this week! 

The week starts and ends with some excellent Venus vibes, so maybe Barbie pink is the manicure color of the week, eh? But in the middle we have some emotional...dryness. Yes that's what we'll call it.  How can moisten our emotional life? (haha I know everyone hates the word "moist"). Let’s dig in…

Monday Venus is conjunct Lilith! This is SO GOOD.  The best word I have for this is “Unbridled”.  Our sexuality, our rage, our love for ourselves…unbridled.  Yum!

Tuesday is  the exact Lion’s Gate Portal I talked about at length last week.  Take advantage of this energy!  (read last week’s blog, you silly Bitch!) Also Yum! 

After Tuesday, however, there’s a lot of energy around drive, ambition, leadership and service *makes blah blah blah hand gesture* But what we don’t have easy access to right now, collectively,  seems to be emotion, intuition and maybe the ability to nurture.  

In the sky right now, we have a lot of fire (passion and action): The Sun, Venus and Lilith in Leo, Chiron, the North Node, and Eris in Aries.  We have a some air (logic and knowledge): Ceres in Libra, Vesta in Gemini, Chariklo in Aquarius. We have a lot of Earth (practicality, physical resources): Mercury, Mars & Pallas in Virgo, Jupiter & Uranus in Taurus, Pluto in Capricorn. What we don’t have is water. We are all wound up with no place to go…

This chart reminds me of my own, frankly…lest you think that we will be emotionless. Am I emotionless? Ha! And neither will the collective be without emotion.  But we do lack a good vehicle for expressing those emotions. The planets  we have in water right now are Neptune and Saturn…in Pisces. And while they are far apart in degrees, in my opinion their dual presence does change the energy.  Saturn likes control. Have you ever tried to control water? A handyman once told me that he’d rather work with electricity any day over water. Electricity is predictable and follows a known path.  Whereas water will find every tiny leak along the way and usually soak you.  Water, like emotions, likes to be in motion. Attempts to stop that motion usually result in some kind of mess. So Saturn is going to be frustrated in Pisces, although on a global scale, it’s fascinating to see his influence. You can read about it here:   I have an awful lot of friends who are giving up alcohol, and religion sure is in the mix a lot these days!  

Anyway, Neptune rules Pisces so this is his home turf.  Saturn is like the compliance expert or QC agent that is visiting from out of town. This is an odd couple if there ever was one! Saturn is not much fun at this party.  Pisces is the sign we would naturally lean into for inspiration, imagination, fantasy, poetry, song…but noooo. Saturn is all “we need to work”, and “imagination should have purpose”, and “do you even have goals?”  bleh.  

For funsies, Imagine this scenario is a Drag Club. Neptune might be at the front door, but Saturn is the bartender. So your drinks are totally going to be watered down, and whistling at the performers is discouraged -  Applause only please. Or reverse that: Neptune is at the bar but Saturn is at the door. The drinks might be a’flowin’, but is Saturn letting anyone in? The performers are hammered, the club is too full to care about a show… 

You get the idea…odd couple, conflicting energy. Further to that point is a little aspect between Neptune and the centaur asteroid, Elatus.  Elatus is a pal of Chiron, and you can read about him in this blog post from April this year: 

Wednesday’s Neptune quincunx Elatus is frustrated or misdirected inspiration. An adjustment must be made.  We might even be suffering from our own bullshit…so…check your socks.  (I’m not really sure what that should mean, it just came to me. It sounds like something a Grandpa would say “Well son, you need to check your socks, because that is some bullshit!”) 

Thursday Mars Square Vesta is about ambition vs. service, and Jupiter trine Pallas is about natural leadership.  Friday Mars is quincunx Chiron - you have courage and strength, but you have to take a look at your own strengths and weaknesses to be effective, and that takes real courage. Fuck, I'm exhausted just pondering this. 

Saturday is a bunch of energy around service, purpose and mission and plfffft.  Saturday might be a good night to stay in and rest, because on Sunday we FINALLY get some Sun conjunct Venus action, and that is great for socializing and experiencing affection and pleasure. Fuck! It took all week to get here! 

If lack of appropriate means to express our feelings (we need water!) is the problem, and our odd couple in Pisces ain’t helpin’ too much, let’s lean into that opposite house for solutions & outlet for our inspiration. I think Chiron & Elatus both are  surprising keys this week too (and they are in opposite signs offering some balance in the healing.  Here’s a fake conversation between them - 

Chiron and Elatus walk into The Drag Club.  At the bar, Chiron starts complaining about his knee pain.  Elatus, with a gaping hole in his arm, is like “what’s the big deal?”  

Chiron says “dude you need healing too”.  

Elatus says “eh, healing is bullshit.  What we need is inspiration. I’m going to write an inspirational speech to help you.”  

“Talk about bullshit!  How is an eloquent speech going to help my aching knee?” 

 “Holy Zeus you’re a pain in my arm! I need a drink.  Do these taste watered down to you?”  

and so forth and so on.  

BitchScopes this week will look  to see where we are underestimating our own strength in regards to problem solving, and where we might find inspiration in a desert. And finally, Leo is a juicy point for us all right now. It holds up a mirror so we can see that the gift is sometimes figuring out why we have shit in our socks (due to Elatus bullshitting us, in case you didn't get the joke). 

*💩 🧦 Um, I guess our manicure color should be brown...