Bitchstrology for the first week of 2024

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

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Well Happy New Year all my darling Bitches, Bitchsters, and Bitchtresses!  

I always find it interesting that January 1 is such a big deal. The Zodiacal new year would be when the Sun enters Aries on March 21st (the Spring Equinox). It’s kinda weird that we just decided that the transition from December to January would be this big deal, and is somehow vastly different than any other monthly transition. Idanno, but we all bought into it so here we are with all the new year, new you bullshit.  Look, I’m the same me, I’m just more tired than the me last week.

Maybe it’s because I’m an Aquarius, but I’ve always hated goal setting, quotas, resolutions, and the like.  It definitely feels very rules-y, and me no likey the constriction of it. But I have this glorious Capricorn stellium and many people actually tell me I come across very much like a Capricorn. I guess my Gemini rising comes across somewhat. But Gemini is really very misunderstood much of the time. What you’re reading right now is my Gemini. My wit is Gemini. But she’s not a very social Gemini at all. I am an enigma, yay!

Anyway, I hate resolutions. Maybe because they so often revolve around weight loss, which is a culture I simply cannot get down with. It's very toxic and too many people I know are fixated on it.  My early teens I was very obsessed with calories and thigh gaps, like many young girls. But that developed into some dangerous habits, so I’ve been all about body liberation for decades now. 

Why did I go off on this tangent? Idanno but I’ll let it stay. Point is here we are in the New Year with all of its expectations and pressures and I encourage you to check yourself in that regard.  Set intentions for how you want to FEEL this year. Write down things you want to accomplish this year that are less about your weight and how you look and more about personal growth, mental health, and finding joy!

Ok so back to the astrology! This is not a bad week...although there are several squares and a quincunx that can create some tension. But both of those aspects are good at inspiring us to problem solve and adjust our positions on things. It’s a week of confronting things within ourselves, for sure.

We kick it off with Mercury stationing direct and we are all so thrilled about that! I have had all kinds of electrical issues this round, and a bitch is tired of visiting the electrical panel on the side of the house!  Also on Monday Venus squares Saturn.  Venus is a bit of a main character this week.  This square to Saturn is a challenge that can bring up insecurities and tensions.  Venus is in Sagittarius where she just wants to have fun and Saturn is in Pisces taking itself and its morals a bit too seriously. Take me to church, babe, but not in that way!

On Wednesday Venus quincunxes Jupiter, which indicates that our ideals might be out of reach or unrealistic.   This might also highlight an imbalance in your giving and receiving of either love or money (or both?).

Thursday is my favorite day this week, because Mars enters Capricorn. Mars is very happy and productive in this sign, and he gains a bit more patience in this placement. Mars in Cap is ambitious, strategic, and  focused.  This empowers him a great deal so take advantage of this energy over the next few weeks and go after what you want. No, really…do!

Saturday the Sun squares Chiron, which can bring up insecurities that we need to confront.

And then Sunday, Venus squares Lilith. You can feel emboldened and inspired by your desire for freedom. The friction here is a motivator. Where are you repressed? Are you doing it to yourself or is someone else? Where do you feel unsatisfied about having your desires met? Who is responsible for that?  Confronting these issues will liberate you and enable you to express yourself more authentically, especially in love.

While we have some inner work to do, let’s not go ape shit (as my mom would say).  Take it easy. Let’s start the year off soft. Let’s start this make believe transition off with kindness to ourselves. Let’s recognize our own beauty and power and honor it.  There are plenty of transits  this year to freak out about and panic about the shifts.  Let’s do this one with grace and ease!  Cheers!

Ho Ho and Happy Effing New Year! BitchStrology for 12/25/23-1/1/24!!

Happy holidays bitches!  I hope it was Merry and Bright. Mine was OK. You know how I feel about holidays.

However - Happy Kwanzaa to those that celebrate it! If you like to do some shopping after Christmas, look for black and female owned businesses this week.

This week we celebrate the New Year, roll up our hopes and dreams and wishes (and ballots) and stroll into 2024 with fingers crossed.

There are a few big things happening this week in addition to the New Year, and the day-after-Xmas sales…

We have a full moon in Cancer, 3 planets stationing direct, and Venus enters Sagittarius.  That’s just the major stuff, which is probably all I will cover this week- so let’s do it.

Tuesday is the Full Moon. She’s at 4° of Cancer at 4:33pm Pacific. This is a great opportunity to release emotional burdens at the end of the year.  This moon conjunct Sirius, which is said to be our spiritual Sun, and sextiles Jupiter, creating an expansive flow of emotions. Sirius can beam psychic insights to us via this Full Moon.  Emotions can feel harsh and overwhelming at this time, so give yourself space and grace to feel and deal! Also on Tuesday, Chiron stations direct. Chiron has a wonky orbit so he’s retrograde often. The Moon will square Chiron, and this could bring up wounds, insecurities and guilt. WHAT? At the holidays?! You don’t say! Girl, yes! The Moon will also: trine Saturn (much needed stability for this Full Moon!), sextile Lilith (emotionally edgy), quincunx Chariklo and Ceres (challenged with compassion), and trine Pallas (enhanced intuition). Yeah that’s alot.  But you can see the theme around emotions.

Wednesday the Sun trines Jupiter, giving us access to luck and a sense of vitality. Mercury (still retrograde) will conjunct Mars, making us more decisive and analytical. Mercury will also square Neptune (confusion) and trine Eris (thinking outside the box). Mars also trines Eris (motivated and inspired).

Thursday Mars squares Neptune, which is not awesome. This can bring guilt, paranoia, and just general blah feelings. Venus will help though! First she sextiles Pluto, giving us passion, and then she enters Sagittarius, giving us a sense of optimism and adventure with love and money.  I would try to keep your risk-taking to a reasonable level, because I’m a Capricorn, and also because Mercury is still retrograde in Capricorn. Practicality is Queen for the moment.

Saturday the ruling planet of Sagittarius, Jupiter, goes direct after it’s annual backwards trot.  Progress is easier to find after this.  And then, everyone’s favorite news, on Monday January 1, 2024, Mercury goes Direct! Huzzah!  Mercury started it’s retrograde at 8° of Cap on December 13th.  He stations direct at 22° of Sagittarius, and will move forward, returning to all those points he backed over, and zooming back into Capricorn. The shadow period ends on my birthday, January 20th. *hair toss*  If your Venus is really craving some excitement after you’ve behaved, she will still be in Sagittarius for 3 days after Mercury is clear of the shadow. So January 20-23, your wild ass can go after whatever you want.

Happy New Year. In 2024, let’s build communes and take over the world!

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

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Bitchstrology for the week of December 18th - Inspiration!

Well, here we are with another week of a whole bunch of significance.

Much of what I’m seeing in this week’s planetary movements is positive. There is a lot of inspiration available to us; it is sort of the season of inspiration in most parts of the world. Monday we start off with Mercury trine Jupiter, which gives us expansive thinking and ideas. We had this transit on the 7th of this month, but this time, Mercury is retrograde. It still carries essentially the same energy, but we might be re-visiting some ideas from that time. Tuesday the Sun conjuncts the Galactic Center at 27° of Sagittarius. This is an annual transit which I’ve written about a few times. The GC is literally the center of the milky way swirl we call home. It shifts a little over time, but is around 27° currently. This conjunction carries a really strong energy of inspiration and downloads of information that are beyond our usual reach.

Wednesday, Vesta, the goddess of the sacred flame, moves into Gemini. Vesta is about dedication, sacrifice, devotion, and passion for service. Gemini is a very intellect based sign with a ton of mental energy, so this transit can inspire Geminis a lot. I will be happy to have some of that energy, thank you.

Thursday the Sun enters Capricorn and we celebrate the Winter Solstice. This marks the shortest day and longest night of the year. The Winter Solstice is the beginning of a very internal, quiet season where we go within (literally and figuratively) and wait for the return of the light. This is a time where we connect much more deeply with the spiritual side of humanity and the collective. Mercury sextiles Saturn on Thursday as well. Mercury sextiled Saturn on the 2nd of December, but this time Mercury is retrograde. This gives seriousness and focus to our thoughts. But Saturn is in Pisces, and this can make us more attuned to the spiritual, which is unusual for Saturn.

Friday, Mercury is Cazimi or combust, which means Mercury is conjunct the Sun. This is always a significant event and gives us access to downloads and wisdom normally beyond our reach. Then Mercury retrograde moves into Sagittarius, where the 2nd half of retrograde will occur. Again, this is great access to inspiration, optimism, hope, and faith. But Mercury Cazimi can also bring good ol’ magic to the party!

Then on Sunday, the Sun sextiles Saturn, which gives us strength and perseverance and a will to do the work. As an honorable mention, Jupiter is opposite Elatus on this day. Elatus, which I have written about before, is expression and eloquence, and often shows up in the charts of smooth talkers and sheisters. This opposition to Jupiter can be very mind opening and challenge us to look at something in a new way.

There’s a lot to unpack this week. So, I will tell you what Mercury retrograde in Sagittarius means for you. I will tell you how the Sun conjunct the Galactic center can inspire your life. I’ll cover the Mercury Cazimi for each sign. Beyond that who knows what I might be inspired to tell each sign. Ha. see what I did there…

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

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BitchStrology for the week of December 11th - DREAM BIG, Bitches!

Guys, let’s tawk. How are you? For me, this last week has been ex-fucking-zausting! Mercury retro-shade, as the cool kids call it, has been fucking with literal lights and electrical shit in my life. I don’t have time (or the know-how) to troubleshoot an electrical panel and every single electrician I know is an ex boyfriend, or a friend’s ex husband. This Mercury retrograde lands in my 7th house of relationships, so that seems about right. Annoying AF, let me tell you. But with my darling Libra husband’s help, I got the fucking snowman lit up, along with the stupid light up reindeer that shed glitter all over hells half acre. I mean, I like the glitter part but it doesn’t alleviate the rage of assembling shit. The holidays are just a burden in my opinion. I tell people all year long that I fucking love the shit out of them. I buy fun shit all year. For that matter, I have twinkle lights and glitter all year! I don’t need this stupid holiday pressuring me! I don’t wanna bake cookies and make fudge and write Xmas cards. So yeah, I’m grinchy. Sue me.

There’s a few things I could prattle on about in this week’s astrology but I know you all just want to know what’s up with the New Moon, and Mercury Retrograde, so that’s what I’m going to focus on. But first, as some background info, there’s a significant amount of Aries energy afoot. The North Node, Eris, Chiron are in Aries, and those energies mix with the New Moon and Mercury.

Ok so the reason you’re all here reading this… the New Moon. This lovely little respite in the season of shit is in Sagittarius at 20°. Sagittarius is a dreamer, so use this final New Moon of 2023 to dream big, shoot for the stars, let your imagination drive the bus. Sadge is expansive and inclusive and curious and contains a lot of innate wisdom. This Moon is trine Chiron, square Juno, quincunx Uranus, trine the North Node, trine Eris, square Neptune! And this Moon conjuncts Mars a few hours before it conjuncts the Sun. So there’s a whole lot going on here! Chiron and Mars offer motivation to heal; we can take our past wounds and make something good out of them. The trine to Eris helps us with emotional resilience and trusting our intution, and this is no small thing. You know the longer I work with the more maligned goddesses like Lilith and Eris, the more I love them, and realize how misunderstood, undersold, and cast off they are. And they both symbolize rejection so that’s appropriate. But many astrologers interpret these 2 badasses with just the rejection and scorn aspects, forgetting that they were scorned and ostracized for having a point of view that was contrary. Sorry, had to make that little tangential comment. Emotional resilience is a big fucking deal, and Eris can bring that to the New Moon party! Uranus does create some uncertainty with that quincunx, but if we want to be liberated, then we have to embrace the instability a bit, ya know? Neptune can bring some confusion and maybe insecurity to this soiree, but overall, this is a real beauty!

And then right on the heels of the New Moon, Mercury stations retrograde. Mercury will be still for 5 days, beginning his moon walk at 8° of Capricorn. Mercury in Capricorn is business-like and serious. You can REthink, REconsider, REstrategize your business plans during this time (retrograde ends on January 1st and begins direct motion on the 2nd). Right before Christmas, Mercury will back into Sagittarius. Opportunities might REvisit us. Our dreams can be REvitalized. We might also feels REstless…ok I cheated on that one, but its true. Overall this retrograde is a big picture thinker. First he’s practical, then he lets loose a bit and REminds us to dream. Despite my electrical issues, I feel good about this retrograde. So don’t be afraid to feel hopeful and optimistic! (This week’s scopes I will talk about Mercury in Capricorn. I'll talk about the 2nd half of the retrograde in a couple weeks, because about halfway through, Merc will slide back into Sagittarius.)

There is a lot of healing available to humanity between now and the end of this year. Lean into it! We all should!

I have to touch on some interesting numerology as well. Obviously we are in the 12th month, but check out these other 12’s:

• Moon conjunct Mars at 12° of Sagittarius
• The New Moon on 12/12
• Mercury Retrograde on 12/12 (Pacific time)
• Mercury Retrograde ends on 1/2 (1/2/24, and 24 is 12x2)
• Mercury enters Sag on 12/24
• The 12 days of Xmas…(ok maybe a stretch, but that does begin the day after Mercury enters Sag…)
• 12 according to DV’s Angel numbers is hope and faith and thinking positively. In traditional numerology defines 12 as positive changes, new beginnings, and harmony, as well as growth, creative thinking, clear expression, patience, open-mindedness, autonomy, independence, self-reliance, collaboration, hope, and energy.
• The 12th card in the Tarot is the hanged man, which challenges us to look at things differently and change our perspective.

So I think this planetary dance in December could be really good for us and bring us HOPE.

For Scopes, I will look at where both of these events land for each sign. Might call this week's scopes “GrinchScopes”. Like the Grinch, perhaps we can all experience an expansion in our hearts. So maybe they are really HopeScopes…hmmm. It is really offputting when I start out pissed off and then end up all optimistic and shit. Dream big, bitches.

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

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BitchStrology for the week of December 4th. Finally, a break!

Welp, here we are, Bitches. December. The last month of the calendar year. If you had some goals for this year and  didn’t get them done in the previous 11 months, I guess you’re fucked…

Ha. Well first of all, time is a construct. Secondly, end of year, beginning of year, tomayto, tomahto. Every single month we get a full and new moon to set and reset our goals and intentions. So fuck the end of year blues and New Year’s Resolutions. Lame. I declare making resolutions OUT, and letting ourselves off the fucking hook IN. We don’t need to put EXTRA pressure on ourselves to constantly BE and DO and CONQUER and ACHIEVE and PLAN!  Y’all need to calm down! We aren’t even in Capricorn season yet!

Ok so anyway *smoothing my apron*, December. We get to end the year with a Mercury retrograde, but I’ll talk about that next week. This week we have Venus moving into Scorpio, Neptune goes direct, and honestly, nothing massively urgent happening. Praise the planets, they got the “calm the fuck down” memo too!

Monday Venus moves into Scorpio, where relationshippy stuff can get real deep and profound.  Venus in Scorpio can be money hungry and a bit fixated. So working a lot or too much is a possibility. We can be financially strategic with this placement, but we might also be secretive about our money, and our love affairs, frankly.

Tuesday Venus trines Saturn, which can lead to commitment when it comes to love, money and our values.  This will be great for relationships that are just about ready to take that next step.  Cuffing season perfection.

Wednesday Neptune stations direct in Pisces.  Neptune is a little weird in that when he’s retrograde, the rose-colored glasses come OFF, and when he’s direct we are less realistic. So with him direct in Pisces, empathy overall is going to get turned up, and thank goddess because there is a huge kindness deficit in the world.  But we also might be in a bit of denial. Neptune’s fog can obscure things.  Our intuition and the more subtle energies are strong, but the concrete energy of comprehension is smooshy.

I have a good feeling about Thursday, as there are several transits that indicate good news and compassion. I think we might get some good news on the global front this week…dare to dream, right?

The weekend is also pretty chill.  Friday and Sunday are no pants days, and Saturday is a great day for a party, gathering, or fun in general…with one caveat.  The Sun squares Juno Saturday, so there could be a bit of an ego conflict in relationships…nothing massive, maybe just an argument about who is right, but possibly enough to fuck up an evening or a party if you’re not careful.

Last Friday the 1st, Mercury moved into Capricorn, where we are practical, problem solving, and organized in our thinking (well, some of us are hahaha!). Mercury makes a couple of trines this week that are indicative of that good news I referred to. So I’m going to look at that for each sign, in addition to where Venus is being sneaky, and where Neptune is being in denial.

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch

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