Pack a change of clothes...

Lather, Rinse, Repeat, bitches. This week continues the tense and thick energy of the last few weeks (the whole year if we’re being honest). There are some pockets of hope and positive feelings, however. And the less cheery transits do give us ample opportunity to clear and release energetic waste. So really, 2020 is a bit like a really long bout of energetic diarrhea. We are getting rid of what’s making us ill (hopefully!). It’s shitty, it’s uncomfortable, we can’t really go out because we can’t trust a fart (plus everything is still mostly closed), and no one wants to come hang out with us. So just eat some toast and hydrate, babe. We will get through this and feel the sun and hug each other again...eventually.

10/12 Jupiter sextile Neptune Rx - harmony (yay)
10/12 Mercury sextile Venus - friendly, fun energy (yay)
10/13 Sun opposite Mars Rx - assertiveness (meh)
10/13 Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio - deep feelings resurfacing/revisiting (ugh)
10/14 Sun trine North Node - things line up to bring you closer to your calling (yay)
10/15 Sun square Pluto - issues with authority (ugh)
10/16 New Moon in Libra 12:30pm PST - finding balance in the struggle (meh)
10/18 Sun square Saturn Rx - heavy energy, pessimism (ugh)
10/18 Venus opposite Neptune Rx - relationship and finance issues (ugh)
10/18 Mars square Jupiter - energy and enthusiasm (yay)


This week’s main event is mercury retrograde...in Scorpio. All of 2020’s Mercury retrogrades have been in the water signs, and all of 2019’s mercury retrogrades were also in water signs (2019 summer Mercury Rx backed into Leo, but started and stopped in Cancer). Clearly the universe would like us to get in touch with our deeper feelings.

Feelings seem to be at the forefront of most major societies right now. Emotions have reached boiling point several times. In fact we seem to be in a state of strong simmering incessantly.

If you subscribe to the belief that you shouldn’t do anything during Mercury retrograde, well have fun Christmas shopping. We are not out of the shadow of Mercury Rx until November 19th. I do not personally find it necessary to avoid things during this period. Though you should enter into anything with a clear mind and not be impulsive. Double check your emails, don’t call your ex, and make sure all your ducks are in a row.

While Mercury is in retrograde motion it interacts with Saturn and Uranus. Uranus does rule technology and since we are all dependent on it for school and work now, that could cause some frustration. Uranus can also bring surprising news, and sudden insights, and nervous energy.

Tea and toast, darling. Tea and toast...

Also happening this week is the Libra New Moon. I love new moons normally, but this one on the 16th has some uncomfortable moments with Saturn, Pluto and Mars. Oh joy. We’re all so used to swimming in those energies now, our fingers are pruny. Here’s the breakdown: While the overall energy of this lunation is finding and reestablishing balance, there is obvious imbalance that comes to awareness. Are the energies of giving and receiving in your life equal-ish? This is a new cycle and a great time to set intentions for righting the scales. Also at play, however, are some definite tension points. The New Moon opposite Mars: willfullness, even aggression are likely. Also hostility and just general assholyness. Skip being passive aggressive and just be forthcoming about what you want. New Moon square Saturn makes getting what you want more difficult and brings frustration. You may feel criticized or put-upon. New Moon square Pluto is, of course, about power, control, and authority. Paranoia, fearfulness, and obsessiveness are not out of the question. And finally, Mars square Pluto joins this New Moon party for a dash of power struggle, domination, and maybe sabotage.

So, let’s recap. Moody, irritable, nervous, emotional, angry, frustrated...and gassy. Awesome. Here’s your individual scopes. These scopes seem to mostly reflect some things we have neglected or set aside and Mercury retrograde and the New Moon are giving you another opportunity to get things straightened out.


ARIES - You are even stronger than any of us knows. There is an inner force that makes you one of the most steadfast of partners when you are inspired. Whatever you are enduring or undertaking right now, know that you are supported by the Divine. Desires and experiences don’t come in to our lives by accident. You deserve love, and love will get you through the hard times.

TAURUS - Whatever aspect of yourself you are currently questioning, take a moment and flip the script. That thing that you think is your greatest weakness is also your super power. Even if it is a ridiculous thing, it is your green lantern. Normal is boring anyway. Be completely you and let your crazy beacon shine bright!

GEMINI - You are either in, or about to enter, a time when your sense of self love and pride for yourself are blossoming. You will soon feel so empowered about the issue you’ve been wavering on or struggling with. You will emerge from this period of time a new kind of badass as you have not been before!

CANCER - If you are questioning if your inspiration or goal is practical, stop that. Practicality is not how dreams come true. You may, if you have not already, receive a bolt of inspiration that lights you up and puts you on an unexpected path. Don’t question its weirdness, embrace its awesomeness!

LEO - You are in a portal of energy right now with access to creativity, money, and inspiration. The key to unlocking and holding on to this is gratitude. But if we are honest with ourselves, we have to be grateful even for the crappy things that have happened recently, because those storms have steered your ship to port. Your ship is coming in!

VIRGO - Don’t let anyone else tell you how to feel about you. You deserve happiness and you don’t have to work yourself to the bone to earn it from other people. Don’t wait around for someone else to validate you, love you, forgive you or tell you what you’re worth. You have to give those things to yourself. If you are beating yourself up about something, stop it. Forgive yourself and move ahead.

LIBRA - This is your week to manifest something you really want. Don’t expect it to show up the next day, but do expect it to show up. Belief is 9/10 of manifesting! Don’t put conditions and expectations on it and try to make it all practical and do-able. Let the Universe work out the details. Just offer up your desire. And Happy Birthday.

SCORPIO - There’s change coming. But right now you might be in the forest and not sure what those tall leafy things around you are. Rise above the confusion and know, with absolute confidence, that you can navigate any changes of direction that you are faced with. It is important that you train your thoughts to be optimistic right now as much as you can.

SAGITTARIUS - Your tribe is super important to you now. That heart connection you have with your close people is your lifeline. To that end, you have to be brave enough to be vulnerable, and strong enough to reveal your needs. Forget what you thought you wanted. Follow the energy that feels like “home”.

CAPRICORN - Your connection to the Earth is powerful this week. Spend some time in nature, in the dirt, around the trees, and let that energy soothe and guide you. You are being directed toward your life purpose more and more these days. But to hear that voice, you have to find quiet space. Nature will never interrupt…

AQUARIUS - Words are far more powerful than most people realize (except Gemini. They get it). And it is time for you to speak your unedited, unfiltered truth. In the process of carrying everyone else’s water, you often forget to take care of yourself and risk dying of thirst. So speak up! It doesn’t need to be harsh, it just needs to be sincere.

PISCES - You are your own knight in shining armor, your own savior, your own superhero. If you’ve been waiting for someone to do what they need to do to keep you, its time to ask yourself how long you’re willing to wait. Don’t be a Princess, be a Queen and lay down some expectations about how others treat you.

BitchScopes for the week of October 5th - Awkward

Well wasn’t last week just a hoot?

No. Last week was a shit show.💩 Both in the United States as a whole, and for most of us, personally. A number of people’s asses were illuminated by that Aries full moon, and you all know about the information that came out on that day as well (Trump being positive for Covid).

  This week the Sun and Mars both make strong aspects to other planets, increasing our drive and energy. But on the flip side of that, we might be feeling pretty flimsy and insecure behind the scenes. It's an awkward juxtaposition of being motivated AF and feeling vulnerable as well. Personal relationships could feel a smidge wonky this week too. But don’t be reactive and flip out. Any disconnects you feel are temporary.

Collectively, progress will start to happen, but very slowly. Saturn, Jupiter and Pluto have all turned direct and will begin moving forward. Mercury and Mars, while they definitely affect the collective, are a little more personal. We won’t see real change and progress until January.

Mercury will begin retrograde on 10/13, so I will talk more in depth about that next week.


10/7 Mercury opposite Uranus Rx - time seems to move quickly. You could feel nervous. Unexpected little annoyances may show up. 

10/8 Venus quincunx Chiron - insecurity, feeling vulnerable in relationships

10/9 Mars Rx square Pluto - Power struggles and confrontations (I would definitely expect this to play out in US politics this week)

10/10 Mars Rx sextile North Node - your drive and ambition toward your higher goals is increased

10/10 Venus trine Uranus Rx - unexpected events can revitalize your personal relationships

10/11 Sun square Jupiter - confidence and pride...keep yourself in check. 

10/11 Sun quincunx Neptune Rx - You may be trying to assert yourself in work or relationships only to feel a vague sense that something is changing or not quite clicking.


Here’s this week’s Scopes:


ARIES - You continue to benefit from Mars being pretty much unleashed in your sign. You are empowered more than ever to pursue your dreams. You have much support behind you to move ahead as Spirit inspires you. Manifest your heart out!


TAURUS - Pay attention to anything that feels synchronistic or coincidental this week. Anything that feels like a moment or stroke of luck is meant to get your attention and alert you to the fact that you are being assisted by Spirit. Listen to your gut and what you feel pulled toward. This week, Destiny is trying to talk to you.


GEMINI - Ring Ring. Hello? Hello. Higher Self Calling. You’re being invited to be more yourself. Follow that thread of energy that gets your fire burning. The more authentically YOU you are, the more empowered you will become. You have everything you need to take the next steps.


CANCER - This week you may need to use your intellect a bit more than your intuition. Logic and reason, truth and strategy...these are the tools in your toolbox this week. Follow your own inner authority over any external authority, and don’t give way your power in a moment of deep feeling.


LEO - Lean into your creative fire this week to find new connections. You and a small tribe can be very successful in co-creating something very impactful. Whatever your vision is, share it with some of your trusted spirit family and get to work on it!


VIRGO - Your current path is changing, and will continue to shift to align you to your highest good. Tap in to your inner wisdom and make choices that take you in a very different direction. This may sound terrifying, but it doesn’t need to be. You will feel liberated by choosing something different.


LIBRA- Surprises are afoot for you. Stay grounded and present while things unfold. It could simply be an epiphany that you have had, or a surprising opportunity that presents itself, somewhat upending the plans you already made. After some mild confusion, you’ll be in a better spot than you are now.


SCORPIO - Conflict may show up around you or within you this week. This doesn’t feel shattering. It does feel illuminating. Take note of how you react to situations and be willing to examine your motives based on what you notice. Choose integrity over self-righteousness


SAGITTARIUS - Whatever you are currently letting go of, keep doing it! This journey, while seemingly full of loss, it raising you to a new level of personal authenticity. By letting go of the things that distract you and unground you, you deepen your experience and allow new energy in.


CAPRICORN - Are you feeling disillusioned? (of course you are, you’re a Cap!) Good. Embrace that and allow the truth to come forward. If there’s something you’ve been in denial about, clarity will arrive and help you see things clearly, and with strength.


AQUARIUS - You are being invited, encouraged, nudged, etc. to experience a shift in perspective. If you have been a little too much in your flesh suit lately, you will feel much more drawn to connect to Spirit in the next several days (or weeks). This deeper connection is going to help you manifest what you’re working on much more quickly.


PISCES - You may find yourself examining your progress, your path ahead, and some choices that are before you now. If you want to scrap something and start over, this is your sign that its ok to do that! This is your life, and you get to co-create it. Be bold...you’re supported.

Hug it out, Bitch...BitchScopes for 9/28-10/4 -

9/28 Venus trine Mars - nice flow between masculine and feminine. Good aspect for relationships and affection

9/28 Saturn direct in Capricorn - we can find our path again and focus on what needs to be done. This comes with responsibility. But the internal anarchy of Saturn retrograde should quiet down and we won’t resent having to “adult” so much

9/29 Mars square Saturn - We had this transit in August, and we will have it again in January (but by then Mars will be direct so it will feel different). Mars square Saturn transit brings frustration and inhibition. Your desires are strong, and your responsibilities are stronger. The harder you push, the more you’ll meet resistance. Authority issues may come up around this time.

9/29 Sun opposite Chiron - confronting our wounds

10/1 Full Moon in Aries 2:06pm - This full moon is strongly influenced by Mars retrograde square Saturn. This indicates frustration and anger that has been building for at least one month.

10/2 Sun quincunx Uranus - nervous energy. Hard to settle down. You know...bajiggity

10/2 Venus enters Virgo - practicality with money and expression. Less spendy, less effusive.

10/3 Pluto quincunx North Node - a calling to your higher purpose (karmic lessons included at no extra charge)

10/3 Mars conjunct Eris - pretty heavy warrior energy. Mars would seek justice for the marginalized in our society. Mars retrograde might either internalize this or unhinge it...

10/4 Pluto turns direct - Whatever Pluto has discovered in the underworld, the dirty secrets of the powerful, will come up again for review

10/4 Mercury quincunx Chiron - You might feel more anxious than usual (looking at this whole week that might not be a surprise); Subtle changes in your personal world may feel more upsetting. This is a perfect storm for “foot in mouth disease” flare-ups too. Comment carefully…


There are 2 big planets stationing direct this week, which is great. Pluto and Saturn both resume forward motion. However these are slow movers and when a planet is stationing, its energy is the weakest and least predictable. So this could feel bajiggity for a good couple weeks. Oh Yay.

The good news is that now that these 2 are moving forward, more truth can be brought to light. While we are still experiencing a lot of Covid related crap, breakthroughs and progress are far more possible now.

Politics will get uglier. You don’t need an astrologer to tell you that. But it’s all hands on deck for the shit flinging now. The bright side of that is that seeing everyone’s cards on the table might be helpful. Maybe.

The Mars Saturn square returns again and it’s pissy. It has heavy influence on the Aries Full Moon. I wouldn’t expect a peaceful full moon this month. (If you work in an ER I would love to hear about your Full Moon weekend).

But wait, there’s more! If you call now (you are already on hold), you’ll also get to confront your personal and collective wounds, feel nervous and bajiggity, and want to fight with everyone even more than you have for the last few weeks! How exciting! All for the low, low special weekly value of FREE! That’s right, all this is FREE with your subscription to a lifetime Fleshsuit Membership!

Just hug a puppy, hug your spouse, hug your kid, hug yourself, hug your parent or sibling, hug a body pillow. Hug and drink something soothing.

Last Thursday on BitchSplaining, Katie Weaver and I did a show about 100 ways to feel better right now. This week might be a great time to bust out that list and do some of it. You can find it in the on demand section at 12Radio (here’s the link). We will be fine. We’re just having collective PMS right now.


Here’s your individual scopes:


ARIES: While you might feel tense because your ruler, Mars, is running around pissing off other planets, there’s also a good chance you could be feeling very in love these days. While it might feel awkward to do so, slowing down will help you get more done. “Downshift” does not mean “downfall” I know you like to run, but as Thoreau said: “It is a great art to saunter”.


TAURUS: Regret is a terrible color on you. Try to release regret for things that did not turn out the way you wanted. Try to learn from the process rather than stewing in bitterness. I mean, we know you love to stew, but...its bad for your skin. Avoid victim thinking and behavior as much as you can. If you can take ownership of things that went off course and embrace them as Divine intervention, you will make a lot of progress toward that goal you’re working on.


GEMINI: You really aren’t trapped by your busy schedule. It is entirely possible that you’ve created a sense of being very busy so you can avoid something else. You know what that something else is. This week would be a good time to confront that part of you that is afraid to make a choice. Are you afraid of failure, or are you afraid of success?


CANCER: You are exiting a situation, period of time, or phase of life that has been difficult. I feel this is probably romance related, but it could be other stuff. The past is behind you and while you can’t really forget it because it shaped you, you can just observe it without hating it. You deserve joy...choose it.


LEO: Well while I hate cliches and platitudes, oh hell maybe I’m kidding myself. I kinda love a cliche. Here’s yours. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. There’s a resistance to something in your life that is blocking a richer experience for you. If you’ve been trying to manifest something and wondering why it hasn’t arrived, consider that you may be putting some conditions on the Universe’s delivery. The bad parts you fear are not going to outweigh the good parts!


VIRGO: While the rest of the world is exercising their bitchface, you might find yourself very focused on a goal. If you aren’t already experiencing it, a period of more stability is coming for you even as I type this. What will help you get there is the ability to say NO to things that don’t contribute to that particular goal. For you, this might mean saying no to certain work. Work on your boundaries.


LIBRA: While you may feel very restless right now, try to be still and with yourself. If you’re resisting fear or sadness or anger, you’re setting yourself up to be a bitter bitch. Allow the feelings to come up and let them flow. Meditation could be very useful during this time to help you release and move through the emotions, or even transmute them and exchange them for more joy.


SCORPIO: Stick to your plan, be true to yourself, follow your gut. Don’t be tempted by other people’s advice when it comes to finance, investments, or career. Your gut will lead you to more success. You should still be practical and use your resources wisely. But don’t feel like you have to get in the box that everyone else is in.


SAGITTARIUS: You will have reason to celebrate something very soon. But here’s the thing: the thing you immediately thought of when you read that? That’s not it. Its a different surprise! How cool is that? Be sure to check in with your sense of gratitude, even before you receive the good news. Also, be forthright with your feelings - don’t assume people know how you feel.


CAPRICORN: Hi, its me with a cliche again: Your thoughts create your reality. So train your brain to expect great things. When you find yourself feeling negative, flip that script to the opposite situation and expect that. You might also be well served by saying less to, well, everyone, this week. No you need not take a vow of silence...you wish. But maybe back off of social media this week, or choose to not comment.


AQUARIUS: Your innate intelligence will serve you well right now (it always does, but moreso now). You are the sign of genius so flex your brain muscles this week. Not only will this distract you from fighting with people on social media or in protests, it will help detox you from some of the insecurity you’ve been feeling lately. Consider doing something creative to get your juices flowing.


PISCES: Hey you know that thing you’ve been worrying about? That thing you’ve been trying to figure out from every angle and planning for every nuanced outcome...yeah that thing. Stop it. Its time for you to connect to your angels, guides, higher self, and God/Goddess to get the answers that you need. The thing you’ve been fixated on will work out just fine. You’re missing something about the situation, so meditate and see what comes up.