Rrrrriiing ring
Hello?
Hi, is this Ms. McClain?
Mmmm, who dis?
We are calling from the Astrological Fuckery Department of the Cosmic Forum of Earth Fuckery. We are calling today on behalf of Mars, planet getting shit done.
Oh. I….
We would like to know if you’d like a 2 month subscription to demotivation?
Well, not re…
Great! We think you’ll really love Mars retrograde. AND what’s more, with that subscription you get almost 2 more bonus months of frustration for absolutely no charge!
I don’t think I’m ….
Fantastic! We’re so happy we could fuck with you. We’d also like to offer you 3 hours today of cleaning out drawers of junk you haven’t looked at in a decade in as a way of distracting yourself from the actual work you need to do. Doesn’t that sound great?
No. it sounds dusty and pointless!
Awesome! Please enjoy your 3 hours of wasting time, procrastinating and feeling like not doing jack shit! Your free trial with Mars will end in November, but your full motivation will stay away until January! So exciting! What a great time to be alive. What a great time to feel uninspired! What a great time to lose track of all the projects you’ve wanted to take on! Just in time for nicer weather too!
I don’t…
Have a wonderful day Ms. McClain. Enjoy your fuckery.
Click
I mean, here’s the transits and shit. But don’t expect to feel like doing anything with or about them. This New Moon in Virgo feels like a turning point to me. I feel like the inner tension will shift directions. If you’re feeling chill Monday through Wednesday, the 2nd half of the week could feel frustrating. And if you start the week feeling frustrated, Thursday through Sunday you may feel a release.
Or you may just sit on the couch and seethe about that thing that happened 5 years ago. That’s ok too... These are bitchscopes, not pollyannascopes.
9/14 Sun trine Pluto - drive for power, deep and profound experience
9/15 Venus square Uranus - unexpected urges, desire for freedom, relationship hiccups
9/16 Sun quincunx Eris - suppression of discord. Feeling your point of view is stifled
9/16 Sun square Lunar Nodes - a challenge that arises may be the key to a boost in some area of your life.
9/17 Mercury square Jupiter - Lots of information and communication to be had, but sifting through the crap from the useful stuff can be confusing. Tendency to over expand in too many directions
9/17 Moon conjunct Sun (NEW MOON) 4:00 am PDT - Sun conjuncts Moon in Virgo. Virgo’s analytical and organizational skills are highly activated today and each sign can use them to TRY to get things done, even while retrograde Mars makes faces at you. . (Virgo falls in my 4th house, which is why I’ve been going through ancient boxes and drawers, purging old shit, re-purposing other stuff, and organizing my desk)
9/17 Sun trine Saturn - a great transit for self discipline and hard work. This pairs so beautifully with the New Moon, and that Mercury square Jupiter. But if you find yourself staring at a blank computer screen, blame Mars.
9/18 North Node sextile Eris - a beautiful opportunity to meditate on righteous anger. Where and how is it destructive, and where and how can you harness it to move yourself (and maybe others) forward.
9/18 Mercury quincunx Neptune - chill. Don’t try to make rational sense of things. Observe. Listen with your heart, not your brain.
9/19 Sun quincunx Mars - the excitement that turns you on, may also be your detriment. Also, your instinct may be out of tune today.
9/20 Mercury square Pluto - mental obsession. Singular focus. Rabbit holes
ARIES- a reconnection with someone from your past may crop up this week. This is likely someone pretty far back, perhaps even your childhood. There is good energy here, and good memories, which might help you get in touch with some part of yourself that you had put on a shelf, and it could benefit you now. (These are the gifts of retrogrades)
TAURUS - you may feel tempted this week, or start to question your path. Oh Mars retrograde, you’re so cute. This energy may also present itself as denial about something, or fear of a conflict. Are you swallowing your words to keep the peace? This is a trauma response. Get in touch with your inner Mars.
GEMINI - Don’t be reckless this week, or naive about a situation. Idealism can lead to rash decisions and false starts. There is an adventure ahead of you, but you need to pump the breaks and do some recon of the situation and your surroundings. Your dream is more than worthy, just ground yourself.
CANCER- well you’re kinda on fire this week! Your decision making ability is on point. There is also an indication that a period of intense work and planning will start to flower and show fruit. Legal situations look good for you right now as well.
LEO - Well it may not be the smoothest week. You may find yourself emotionally overwhelmed by a current source of conflict. Are you spending too much time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future? Use this earthy new moon in Virgo to ground and clear your head.
VIRGO- Your past is disrupting your present. Your baggage is taking up too much room in your living room. Are you grieving? Or are you just feeling guilty and judging yourself for something in the past? There’s a big difference. Grief is healthy, guilt is not. Do some clearing work.
LIBRA- Your routine or a lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to is likely to become disrupted this week or soon thereafter. It could be a very positive change, but it will still require an adjustment to what you’ve become used to.
SCORPIO - You may feel like withdrawing pretty dramatically. That is, your departure may literally be dramatic, or you may just feel like making your withdrawal kind of extreme. You may feel disappointed or abandoned by someone you’ve trusted. This feels work related. And while it will sting, it is an action taken by you, not at you, and it is a choice. Alternatively, this could be regarding something that you may have stayed in past its expiration date. Walk away and re evaluate.
SAGITTARIUS - You are really close to seeing something made manifest. Your ship is coming in. Your personal empire may experience expansion very soon, or you may find yourself on an airplane. Yes, even during these strange times. It will make you happy. Try to stay in your joy this week.
CAPRICORN - Someone in your life may have made some crappy choices, likely regarding finances. You may feel like the victim of your debtors. Or someone close may fail to support you in a way that was previously secured. This really doesn’t have the direct affect on you that you fear, it is just in your sphere of experience so try not to over react.
AQUARIUS - You may actually benefit in finances this week. The “system” (yes, the one you probably despise) may work in your favor. You will find support and stability after a period of shittiness. And if you need to know if you’re on the right track with something (what came to mind just now when you read that?) - yes. You are.
PISCES - a personal or business partner may let you down this week. But in truth, your expectations may have paved this road. You may also feel unappreciated and like its time to take your ball and go home. If you do, you will find your people and the appreciation you aren’t feeling now.