Twas the Night Before Bitchmas (BitchScopes for December 20-27)
'Twas the week of Christmas and all thru the hood,
ripples of worry and prayers for sprinkles of good.
The humans were tired, and troubled, and sick,
because in 2021, Covid was a real dick.
Shopping was stressful and working retail was hell
Small businesses were struggling and trying to sell
Restaurant servers were sick of depending on tips
And people’s every rude thought passing their lips
Humanity was pretty damn sick of itself
And had even mostly retired that stupid Elf on a Shelf
The stockings were hung but not with much care
What did it matter if no family was there?
They were sick of the masks and sick of the rules
They were sick of the shootings in all of the schools
They were sick of the news and political fights
They were sick of the bullshit from the left and the right
So what could they do when no hope seemed close by
Just more bad news flying hither and nigh
Then some dreamer looked up and it donned on them: HEY!
There’s always hope in every new day
Just look at that sunset, and sunrise, without fail
Look at your dog, just happily wagging their tail
Over there a baby, giggling like mad
Like this is the best day they’ve ever had
Maybe it is, thought the dreamer, maybe I can smile too
Just because I exist, and hey! So do you!
Our hearts are still beating and our brains are so cool
Here we are working and playing and acting a fool
We all have something to offer, talents that are unique
To shape a better tomorrow, for the future we all seek
So the dreamer looked up at the sky for some inspo
From the planets and stars, and really God, for some info
Aries, next year, Jupiter in your sign will be rad
You will have opportunities many and meet new people like mad
A new chapter will open for your personal dreams
And lots of good luck and expansion will be yours it seems
Taurus, you’re due for a good time, its true
Not many have been through as much lately as you
But next year there’s money, and connections galore
And if you’re single, there could be something more!
Gemini your career is going to soar
the plans that you’ve made will open new doors
You’ll need to be tidy and light on your feet
Because you will blow the mind of everyone you meet
Cancer, next year should be gentler, thank Goddess for that
You’ve been busier than the Cat in the Hat
But you can stop juggling and slow down a bit
Because Venus will pull out your chair for a sit.
Leo, your money will finally settle
You made it thru a rough patch and showed your real mettle
Advances in job and investments are near
And toward the end, there’s some love looming for you next year!
Virgo you have had a real rough ride
With money and love and your health on the side
But next year stability is coming to you
Congratulate yourself on seeing it through!
Libra next year you’ll feel plenty of smiles
Both romantic and financial gifts run on for miles
Things will calm down, and feel more at ease
You will have the freedom to do what you please
Scorp, you’re in for a good one when it comes to your heart
Love new or established will get a fresh start
Romantic elation, artistic and childlike expression
Are all in store for you in the 2022 session
Sadge, your hard work will pay off in spades
Next year there are great plans to be made
Your insides are growing and that’s always great
Especially if the timing is right, you may find a mate!
Cap, no surprise, your career will be hot
And you’re likely to do far better than not
Big payoffs, both with money and love
Are aimed right at you from the sky up above
Aquarius, you’ll be asked to work hard for some gains
But it won’t feel like it was work when it starts to rain
Commitment is possible, and that’s a good thing
Whatever the payoffs, they’ll make your soul sing.
And Pisces, you are so due for break
And it’s coming, with a bunch of money to make
Many invites and opportunities will appear
You’ll almost forget 2021 was a pain in the rear!
So all should take heart, and do what life asks
Because 2022 will be better, with or without masks.
Humanity will rebound, and start to care once again
Where we are going is just as important as where we have been
Sure it won’t be perfect, but its worth having great hope
That 2022 will have gifts and surprises, and may even be “dope”
(that’s teen slang for groovy, its not about pot
But if that makes you happy then hell, smoke it a lot!)
Life is short and a precious magical gift
But sometimes is heavy and we all need a lift
So lift up each other, and lift up your eyes
When you feel lost, just look up at the Sky.
ripples of worry and prayers for sprinkles of good.
The humans were tired, and troubled, and sick,
because in 2021, Covid was a real dick.
Shopping was stressful and working retail was hell
Small businesses were struggling and trying to sell
Restaurant servers were sick of depending on tips
And people’s every rude thought passing their lips
Humanity was pretty damn sick of itself
And had even mostly retired that stupid Elf on a Shelf
The stockings were hung but not with much care
What did it matter if no family was there?
They were sick of the masks and sick of the rules
They were sick of the shootings in all of the schools
They were sick of the news and political fights
They were sick of the bullshit from the left and the right
So what could they do when no hope seemed close by
Just more bad news flying hither and nigh
Then some dreamer looked up and it donned on them: HEY!
There’s always hope in every new day
Just look at that sunset, and sunrise, without fail
Look at your dog, just happily wagging their tail
Over there a baby, giggling like mad
Like this is the best day they’ve ever had
Maybe it is, thought the dreamer, maybe I can smile too
Just because I exist, and hey! So do you!
Our hearts are still beating and our brains are so cool
Here we are working and playing and acting a fool
We all have something to offer, talents that are unique
To shape a better tomorrow, for the future we all seek
So the dreamer looked up at the sky for some inspo
From the planets and stars, and really God, for some info
Aries, next year, Jupiter in your sign will be rad
You will have opportunities many and meet new people like mad
A new chapter will open for your personal dreams
And lots of good luck and expansion will be yours it seems
Taurus, you’re due for a good time, its true
Not many have been through as much lately as you
But next year there’s money, and connections galore
And if you’re single, there could be something more!
Gemini your career is going to soar
the plans that you’ve made will open new doors
You’ll need to be tidy and light on your feet
Because you will blow the mind of everyone you meet
Cancer, next year should be gentler, thank Goddess for that
You’ve been busier than the Cat in the Hat
But you can stop juggling and slow down a bit
Because Venus will pull out your chair for a sit.
Leo, your money will finally settle
You made it thru a rough patch and showed your real mettle
Advances in job and investments are near
And toward the end, there’s some love looming for you next year!
Virgo you have had a real rough ride
With money and love and your health on the side
But next year stability is coming to you
Congratulate yourself on seeing it through!
Libra next year you’ll feel plenty of smiles
Both romantic and financial gifts run on for miles
Things will calm down, and feel more at ease
You will have the freedom to do what you please
Scorp, you’re in for a good one when it comes to your heart
Love new or established will get a fresh start
Romantic elation, artistic and childlike expression
Are all in store for you in the 2022 session
Sadge, your hard work will pay off in spades
Next year there are great plans to be made
Your insides are growing and that’s always great
Especially if the timing is right, you may find a mate!
Cap, no surprise, your career will be hot
And you’re likely to do far better than not
Big payoffs, both with money and love
Are aimed right at you from the sky up above
Aquarius, you’ll be asked to work hard for some gains
But it won’t feel like it was work when it starts to rain
Commitment is possible, and that’s a good thing
Whatever the payoffs, they’ll make your soul sing.
And Pisces, you are so due for break
And it’s coming, with a bunch of money to make
Many invites and opportunities will appear
You’ll almost forget 2021 was a pain in the rear!
So all should take heart, and do what life asks
Because 2022 will be better, with or without masks.
Humanity will rebound, and start to care once again
Where we are going is just as important as where we have been
Sure it won’t be perfect, but its worth having great hope
That 2022 will have gifts and surprises, and may even be “dope”
(that’s teen slang for groovy, its not about pot
But if that makes you happy then hell, smoke it a lot!)
Life is short and a precious magical gift
But sometimes is heavy and we all need a lift
So lift up each other, and lift up your eyes
When you feel lost, just look up at the Sky.
Dec 20
Mercury trine Uranus - genius moments, breakthroughs, exciting news
Sun enters Capricorn - time to get serious, committ, and do things “by the book”.
Ceres conjunct North Node - Your nurturing side can take the lead, somewhat effortlessly. It will just happen.
Dec 22
Sun quincunx N. Node sacrifice needed to achieve goals
Nodes enter Taurus and Scorpio - finding balance between the material and the spiritual; creating stability; understanding value and obligation
Mercury conjunct Juno - good communication with partner
Dec 24
Saturn square Uranus - Play it again Sam. The undoing and shaking up of structures. Traditions, foundations (mostly on a global, social and political scale, but can also have personal ripples)
Neptune square Vesta - cloudy thinking and lack of realism around work tasks and their potential outcomes
Mercury quincunx Lilith - self censoring your sexuality or rebellious nature (which may not be a bad idea if you’re visiting with family for the Holiday!)
Dec 25
Venus Rx conjunct Pluto - power struggles in committed relationships; desire for deep(er) connection
Mars trine Chiron - past wounds and “failures” motivate you
Pallas sextile Juno - partner-shared goals
Jupiter square Ceres -overwhelmed by family issues (wut?! At Xmas? No way! LOL)
Dec 26
Mercury sextile Neptune - perfect for the day after Christmas - relaxation, daydreaming, creativity
Dec 27
Jupiter square North Node - risk of “over expansion”; pace yourself; at odds with your higher self