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Sunday, March 20, 2022

Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? BitchScopes for March 21-28



There is a lot of Mercury activity this week, as well as Neptune, and various aspects to the North Node, and a sprinkling of Mars. This makes me think that there’s a lot that will transpire to put you on, or move you forward on your path, but none of it will be immediately clear to you. The mercury transits are all quite positive and empowering, but with this much aspect activity, you may feel more anxious because Mercury rules the nervous system. Neptune can also make you feel a bit disconnected. Neptune puts us in touch with your intuition and creativity, but can make things foggy and hard to grasp. Grounding is going to be very important this week. Also, tune in to that intuition, because it is going to play a crucial role for you this week.



Mars makes some interesting connections this week, and they are all a little obscure. First Chiron, then Uranus, then Pallas. Mars and Chiron can facilitate healing. But Mars and Uranus can make you fidgety, jumpy, impulsive, and rash. Pallas fires up Mars’ desire to “do something”. Mercury in Aries underscores that desire, and adds a bit of impatience.

Mars and Venus move out of conjunction this week, with Venus taking the lead. This brings harmony in front of passion, and puts form over function.

Overall this is a very healy-feely week, but feelings butt heads with desire for action, and that can create anxiety. Body bajiggityness is very possible, so be mindful. Watch your breathing, be present, and keep a notepad with you to write down anything that feels important to you.


Monday 21 March
Mercury conjunct Jupiter - good news and optimism
Mars sextile Chiron - old wounds may be opened triggered, allowing healing

Tuesday 22 March
Mars square Uranus - desire to break free, acting rashly

Wednesday 23 March
Mercury conjunct Neptune - increased intuition and dreamy thinking, but also unclear communication
Mercury sextile North Node - meaningful encounters and communication; helpful people may show up

Saturday 26 March
Mercury sextile Pluto - mental intensity; passionate discussion; desire for power
Mercury square North Node - difficulty communicating or pinpointing your desires and goals
Mars sextile Pallas - commitment to a cause;

Sunday 27 March
Mercury enters Aries - straightforward communication; desire to reach decisions and take action

Monday 28 March
Chiron sextile Ceres - nurturing and healing are interconnected
Venus conjunct Juno - attraction and harmony in relationships
Venus conjunct Saturn - difficulty expressing love; feeling of isolation
Neptune sextile North Node - imagination and intuition are boosted and may guide you toward your higher calling

ARIES - Happy birthday Aries! This is your time to shine. But you might be a little thrown off by what feels like anxiety and nerves. In fact it IS anxiety. I tease Aries a lot about their need for movement but this is a great time to use that. Anxiety is really just energy that is unfulfilled or doesn’t have purpose. You don’t have to have life all figured out. If you did have it figured out you would not be human, you’d be a cat or a llama or a spirit guide…so relax and enjoy your time in the spotlight. Go for a run or do your hot yoga, you freak.  Your pacing is making my cats uncomfortable...

TAURUS - Are you nervous? Did you know that excitement and nervousness are basically the same energy? Maybe “anticipatory” is a more accurate word to encompass both. There is quite a bit of energy starting to form in your 11th house. This is the home of Aquarius, and also where our hopes and dreams and social connections happen. However there is also some strong activity in your 12th house, which could have you feeling a bit isolated, especially next month. Just remember that nervous and excited are twins. There’s good stuff ahead, so trust the process. Also, trust the chocolate...and eat it. It's good for the soul. 

GEMINI - You’re much closer than you think or believe you are, to that goal you only whisper to yourself about. Many people don’t know how much Geminis keep to themselves. For some Gems, the duality of the sign is about public life and private life. Anyway, that dream you hold close to your heart is actually close to being in reach. That probably both thrills and terrifies you! Unburden your powerful mental machinery from practicality. Let your imagination run wild for a few weeks, and see what comes to the surface. You might surprise yourself.

CANCER - All of your training has led you to “this”. I don’t know what “this” is, but you do. It’s that thing you started thinking about right then. You have what it takes, what is needed, to take this next step, or challenge, whatever the case may be. In some ways it might feel against your natural instincts, but I feel that is your sign that you’re on the right track. What begins as a “job”, will lead you to a dream. I don’t mean to sound like Yoda…that’s just the way it went.

LEO - Don’t give your power away too easily, or let someone convince you what you believe is wrong. You must both “stand” in your power, and “rest” in the assurance that what is right for you will never pass you by. I sound like Yoda again…I did that to Cancer too. I am not sure WTF…I haven’t even watched Star Wars recently. Anyway, you must both stand and rest. What that feels like to me is plain ol’ confidence. If you are standing on your principles, and you are feelin’ pretty chill about it, it’s because you’re right.

VIRGO - Spiritual stuff isn’t necessarily “better” than physical stuff. Your sign lives right there in the middle of that quandary. Don’t poo poo either one of those things when you are thinking, dreaming, and manifesting for yourself. You can work on manifesting wealth and still be spiritually strong. And I don’t mean any of this in a gross Joel Osteen kind of way. Just don’t limit either yourself or God. You are the sign of service to others, but if you really want to receive, you must trust.

LIBRA - If there has been a layer of tension over your life, it likely has recently broken, or it will be soon. And after you take that deep breath of relief, make sure you offer gratitude in the appropriate places. And THEN, have some friggin fun. Laugh. Dance. Find joy. If you can’t find it, make it. Have you ever tried this: fake laugh. Keep doing it. Yep, its a big obnoxiously fake cackle…keep going. Oooh, there it is. It’s changing. it’s now an actual, authentic laugh. Sometimes joy can actually come out of bullshit.

SCORPIO - Some may call you “arrogant”, or “full of yourself”. Well what the hell else are you supposed to be full of? Shit? No, then you’d be a Sagittarius. Anyway, while some may think you are plenty confident, this is your sign that you need to give yourself credit for something.
Don’t just shrug it off and pull the ol’ “oh it was nothing”, or “oh this old thing?” Bitch, you did a kick ass job and you should be proud of it!

SAGITTARIUS - When you feel disillusioned, it hits you hard. Over time, this layer of disillusionment can build up and really dull the optimistic wonder of the universe that you are. When you start to feel jaded and you project that shit out in the world, it hits others hard.
We collectively value your pie-in-the-sky ideals, even if your long winded stories about them bore us to tears. We still want you to have them! So buff that layer of crap off and leave the pessimism to Capricorn. Of course humans are capable of flight!

CAPRICORN - “Oh ye of little faith” - you prefer to prepare for the worst or expect nothing so you can be pleasantly surprised occasionally by something other than nothing. The problem with that is you might call the game before the players have…um…I can’t really finish a sports analogy. You might draw the curtain before the play is…over…? What I’m saying is you might pronounce something as finished prematurely. So if you’re feeling like something has failed, would it be too much to try to believe it is just “delayed”? Maybe there were supply chain issues.

AQUARIUS - No one can hold a grudge quite like you. No, it’s not really a compliment, but OK. The thing is, that residue of unforgiveness you have is blocking the sunshine of your spirit. It’s jamming your creative gears. It’s dulling your complexion. Whatever…its just…gross. Let that shit go, for real. What the hell are you saving it for? Are you gonna build the house of resentment? Yeah your friends will be dying to come over! Seriously, just let it go. Make a list. Make several…and mean it when you release it.

PISCES - Bad news or good news first? Ha, they are basically the same news. Here it is: “Nothing stays the same.” That means in shitty times, it will change. It also means in good times, it will change. Life is and ebb and flow of bullshit and drudgery and joy and security. You are right on the threshold of something big. It might be a decision, it might be the end of something….it might be…wait. You’re hung up…See?! Why when we read “end” do we automatically assume it's bad?! Maybe it's the end of painful menstruation. Maybe it's the end of zits. Maybe it's the end of cauliflower everything. Point being, try to keep the faith, because the sun will come out…if not tomorrow then very, very soon!