Eclipse, Schmlipse! Cheers, Bitch! BitchScopes for May 1-7

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There’s a number of things to talk about this week. We are in the thick of Mercury retrograde, (who is having a ball messing up all of my electronic and digital experiences right now!). To add to that, we kick off this week with another retrograde and end with an eclipse, and honorable mention goes to Venus, who is super busy this week, in true Gemini fashion! In order, Venus makes the following aspects:

• Square to Ceres (loving others until you feel resentful of them)
• Sextile to Eris (dramatic and independent in love)
• Square to Neptune (insecurity)
• Sextile to Jupiter (expressive and creative)
• Trine to Elatus (eloquent expression)
• Conjunct to Chaos (unexpected events)
• Quincunx to Pluto (insecurity and power struggles)

And then after all that she needs a damn break and enters Cancer! Wow. Girl, yes…have a snack and nap like a Cancer would!

May 1st is May Day or Beltane, the Gaelic festival of Spring. The major themes of Beltane are fire, flowers, and fertility.   Bonfires were traditionally built and were thought to have protective powers.  Households would extinguish their candles and lamps and relight them with the flame from the Beltane bonfire.  Take this opportunity to either literally or figuratively throw stuff into the fire that you are done with.  You can write them on a piece of paper and then burn it in the flame of a candle which you’ve blessed.  Green is the preferred color of Beltane.  I don’t know about you, but I think the idea of burning the old, protecting the present, and blessing the future holds a lot of appeal right now! 

Pluto will begin its annual retrograde this week, kicking off the retrograde season, which coincides with eclipse season. Both happen every year so this isn’t anything new.  Pluto’s retrograde is significant this year because we JUST got out of Pluto in Capricorn, and specifically Pluto at 29° of Cap…and his retrograde will take us back into those final degrees of Capricorn again.  So we will continue to see members of the “ruling elite” or the Plutocracy, called out for their bullshit and knocked off their high horses. This is going to go on for the rest of this year. So we will be revisiting all kinds of issues regarding power and control and the structures of government.  It has been interesting to see the protests and mantrums happening in congress.  Much of that didn’t start until Pluto was in Aquarius, and now it’s a full blown battle for democracy as we know it.  The harder the oppressed push back against their oppressors, the louder the oppressors whine about being oppressed themselves. It’s absurd and I am ready for our civil war to be over, but we have “miles to go before we sleep”.  

The biggest news this week is another eclipse, this time in Scorpio.  Lunar eclipses can bring about changes and sometimes endings or closure; all of these changes are necessary for us to advance to the next level.  This happens on 5/5 at 14° Scorpio - 14 also reduces to a 5 - which is the number of change.  So it might be Cinco de Mayo, but Scorpio brings a pretty serious energy to the party on and around this day.  Scorpio rules the 8th house of transformation. The 8th house also rules “other people’s money”.  2 weeks ago we had an eclipse in Taurus, which is opposite Scorpio and relates to money we earn.  Themes for this are: getting our finances in order, examining our value, what makes us feel valued, what makes us feel secure, what changes need to happen in order to transform the power balance in these areas of our lives. 

As events and issues pop up in the wake of this eclipse, try to observe before judging it.  Try not to over react.  Stand in your power.  Think like a Scorpio and be strategic when necessary.  But ultimately, allow the transformation to take place.  

It is fascinating to me that eclipses repeat to the exact degree every 19 years. Math - if I’d known how cool it was back in the day.  Anyway, the last time we had this exact eclipse was May 4, 2004. The themes repeat, but not the exact circumstances.  (In 2004 I had a 5 month old baby, and that was pretty much the influence of my life at that time. so…no.) Think about the themes during that time, and then apply the Scorpio themes and the themes of the house and axis of the eclipse.  

Let’s use me as an example.  The 2004 eclipse hit my 6th and 12th house axis of Scorpio and Taurus, respectively. (As an Aquarius, it would hit my solar 10th/4th houses, and this is why its a great idea to read your scopes for both your sun and rising sign.)   I had a 5 month old baby, so my body (6th house) was healing (12th) and I was trying to figure out where I ended and baby began.  I was breastfeeding, and at that time I was figuring it all out but finding a good routine.  But, there was no sexual aspect to my breasts…it was all baby oriented. (That is all very 6th and Taurus, which rules the breasts but also Scorpio which is sexuality).  I had zero interest in sex, which could be an indicator of my marriage, or could have been me and my body trying to navigate the healing process.  (As an aside, I think we greatly underestimate the time it takes for the post partum body to heal!  6 weeks my ass!)  My routine (6th house) was  understandably a disaster because…newborn.  I had just returned to work (10th house) by this time so I was juggling that with my new family responsibilities.  If I extrapolate to the current circumstances, my body is healing from different things now (long covid, Shingles, chronic pain). I am working from home. I’m on the brink of menopause.  And I’m trying to give that same baby life skills so he can go out on his own soon. Let’s not forget the financial themes of Taurus and Scorpio…in 2004 we were figuring out how to afford daycare and managing debt.  In 2023, I am figuring out how to pay for college, and managing debt! 

I would also like to add this information for those of you who unconsciously assume eclipses will be negative events. I did a deep dive into my chart and looked at all the eclipses that have hit my Sun, Moon, or Ascendant directly in my lifetime.  In the past when I have known this was coming it would give me a sense of dread knowing that the eclipse would hit me so directly and try as I might I could never find any meaningful information that would soothe me.  I noted the big things going on during each of those periods and almost all of them were overwhelmingly positive.  The hardest ones were the Lunar Eclipses on my ascendant, but even in those cases, I made a choice myself to exit a situation.  So if you dread these things, trust me...it's going to be ok! In fact, things might be "very ok", or even great! 

Let’s look at what’s in store for each sign. And I think I’ll pair each scope with a wine…because that seems appropriate! 

ARIES - The eclipse this week hits your 8th house of intimacy, money, and rebirth, and on that same axis, the 2nd house of money earned. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 10th house of career and public image.  You were just starting to feel like you knew where you belonged and no one was holding you back with Pluto in Aquarius…you felt the freedom of being under your own authority. Maybe now you have to deal with some old work/money issues, a crusty boss, a disappointing raise etc.  Mercury is retrograding in that 2nd house too, asking you to examine what you need to  feel secure.  You know what you need to take care of in order to really move forward (if you don’t know, you will soon!).  Venus in Gemini will have you very socially busy this week, or at least communicating a lot.  You’re gonna need a wine that goes with everything, is easy to drink, and is perfect for being outside, so I’m suggesting a nice, crisp Pinot Grigio for you. Cheers, Bitch!

TAURUS - The eclipse this week hits your 7th house of partnership, and on that same axis, the 1st house of self image. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. With Mercury retrograding in your sign, I would guess that maybe you’re feeling insecure and it is causing some ripples in your relationships.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 9th house of knowledge expansion and experience.  You just got a taste of the freedom of Pluto in Aquarius in your career, and now you have to deal with some old issues around a partner, a legal issue, an unexpected work trip etc.  Pluto will move back into Aquarius at the very end of this year, so this is just an opportunity to get your ducks in a row.  Venus is very busy this week in your 2nd house, and that’s great news. She can help you make money and charm people. I’m suggesting a nice Spanish Tempranillo for you (9th house is foreign lands), because it seems bougie and might ease your stress and impress your guests! Cheers, Bitch! 

GEMINI - The eclipse this week hits your 6th house of health, wellness and routine, and on that same axis, the 12th house of secrets and solitude. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like a change in work assignments or tasks will change your routine and you’ll need to adjust. Mercury is retrograding in your 12th house so there are probably some unconscious thoughts and/or behaviors that are holding you back.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 8th house of intimacy.  You probably got a taste of the freedom of  Pluto in Aquarius in your 9th house,   and now you have to dive into those deep waters again. Meh! But this too shall pass.  Venus is busy in your sign this week, so if you want to try a new haircut, get a little botox, or update your style, this is the week to do it!  I’m suggesting Champagne or Sparkling wine for  you this week. Celebrate you! Cheers, Bitch!

CANCER - The eclipse this week hits your 5th house of creativity and pleasure, and on that same axis, the 11th house of friends and dreams. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like a problem in your peer group that prompts you to find satisfaction and meaning in creativity or romance.  Mercury is also retrograding in that 11th house so there’s already a re-assessment happening there. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 7th house of partnership.  That romance could become serious now, or power dynamics might emerge in your relationship(s) that cause you to reassess.  Venus in Gemini is currently in your 12th house of solitude, but this week after a blur of activity, she slips into your sign, making you the bell of the ball.  I’m suggesting a Merlot for you.  It’s a beloved classic, like you, that is easy to drink either for quiet pleasure or with friends. Cheers, Bitch!  

LEO - The eclipse this week hits your 4th house of home and family, and on that same axis, the 10th house of career and public life. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Is work demanding more of your time and mental resources than you’d like? Maybe your family says you seem stressed out. This is the classic work-life balancing act, and you’re not alone. Mercury is retrograding in that 10th house as well, so there’s already a focus on re-doing something there.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 6th house of health, habit and routine. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that your attention is being called back to the physical routines that give structure to your life.  Design your life and routines in a way that works for you, not in a way that works for everyone else!  Venus in Gemini is likely to have you very busy this week.  You’ll get a break next week.  In the meantime, pick up a bottle of your favorite easy-to-drink Chardonnay. It’s the antithesis of drama, and even you could use that right now! Cheers, Bitch! 

VIRGO - The eclipse this week hits your 3rd house of communication, and on that same axis, the 9th house of education and expansion. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like feeling like you’re a little out of your depth in a particular role, or like you haven’t received the education or knowledge on a subject you’re being asked to present.  With Mercury in that 9th house, maybe you need to backtrack and review. It’s very likely you’re being too hard on yourself, as well!  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 5th house of creativity and pleasure. Are the power dynamics in your romance the way that you want them? This is your chance to examine and correct that.  Venus in Gemini will have you very busy with career issues, and you don’t get much of a break when she moves into Cancer in your 11th house of networking either.  Have a glass of something as dependable as you are (plus delish) - a Zinfandel! Cheers, Bitch!  

LIBRA - The eclipse this week hits your 2nd house of income, and on that same axis, the 8th house of debt. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. Mercury is retrograding in that 8th house as well.  So this might have something to do with budgeting, a debt repayment plan, discussing all of this with your partner. These same houses also point to feelings of security and worth, and intimacy and connection.  If you rely too much on money for your self esteem and happiness, this is the Universe reminding you that you are worthy regardless of what’s in your bank account.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 4th house of home and family to examine the power and control issues there. Meanwhile, you could consider having control over some Rosé all day! Cheers, Bitch! 

SCORPIO - The eclipse this week hits your 1st house of self. Despite your fears, this could actually align you to something better than where you are now.  You could be “on the lookout”, but this isn’t something you will miss.  On that same axis, the 7th house of relationships might give you a clue.  If a partner is being demanding or acting weird and you protect your boundaries, the scales will adjust the balance of power.  Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 3rd house of communications to make sure you have the voice to speak up for those boundaries.  Venus in Gemini will be busy in your 8th house, suggesting some emotional intensity or intimacy this week.  I selected a deep, moody wine for you - Pinot Noir.  Cheers, Bitch! 

SAGITTARIUS - The eclipse this week hits your 12th house of secrets and solitude, and on that same axis, the 6th house of health and habits. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. In particular I feel your sleep habits might slap you around this week. The 12th house is the house of the unconscious mind, and a bunch of other abstract concepts.  Do you dream? Do your daily habits include negative thinking? Are you being lazy about work? (Mercury is retrograde in that 6th house, so maybe business is slow, or maybe you are?) These are the things that can really hold you back from your best self.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 2nd house of income, which is no coincidence.  If your income is meh, maybe you need to look into your habits and routine. Venus in Gemini will be in your 7th house, making you oh so charming and sexy to your partner (which might further derail your work habits, but in the best way).  I suggest an exotic, adventurous wine for you…a Malbec. Cheers, Bitch!

CAPRICORN  - The eclipse this week hits your 11th house of people you know, and on that same axis, the 5th house of creativity and pleasure. I think even you would admit you are better at working than at playing.  When was the last time you took up a new hobby? New friendships are possible when you step out of the box.  Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 1st house of Oh My God Capricorns are so fucking over this shit. This is your friendly, Plutonian reminder not to give away too much of your power. Go after what you want! Yes, make it about you! Venus in Gemini will have you busy at the office this week, which is another reminder that you should do more work for yourself than for anyone else.  This is serious shit, but calls for a good, solid, dependable (much like you)  wine - Cabernet Sauvignon! Cheers, Bitch! 

AQUARIUS - The eclipse this week hits your 10th house of career and public image, and on that same axis, the 4th house of home and family (where Mercury is retrograding, possibly making your appliances and/or relatives do weird things). Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  This is that work-life balance issue that we all deal with now and then. But deeper than that, do you like what you do? Is it meaningful to you? Nothing is sadder (or more toxic) than an unfulfilled Aquarius. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 12th house of the unconscious.  Where and how do you screw yourself over? You have the rest of this year to figure it out and stop doing it so that you can be a fulfilled badass rather than an unfulfilled ass. Venus in Gemini will be busy in your 5th house, so your creativity should be high this week.  In a wholly self serving way, I’m suggesting my favorite wine for you - Shiraz.  It’s plummy and jammy and big…like your dreams.  Cheers, Bitch!

PISCES - The eclipse this week hits your 9th house of education and experience, and on that same axis, the 3rd house of communication. You might be due for an adventure.  That could be a literal trip to somewhere exotic, or it might just be out of your comfort zone. The 3rd house also rules publishing, and Mercury is retrograde there. Are you revising a book or other project? Good! Launch it into the places you feel too humble to admit you want.   Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 11th house of people you know, giving you networking power galore! Venus will have you busy at home or with family this week, and whether that’s good or bad, a sweet treat is good for the soul. So drink some Riesling as your dessert.  Cheers, Bitch! 

PLANETS THIS WEEK

SUN - Taurus
MERCURY  - Taurus (Rx)
VENUS --> Cancer
MARS - Cancer
JUPITER - Aries
SATURN - Pisces
URANUS - Taurus
NEPTUNE - Pisces
PLUTO - Aquarius (Rx)
CHIRON - Aries
CHARIKLO - Aquarius
CHAOS - Gemini 
N. NODE - Taurus
CERES - Virgo (Rx)
PALLAS - Cancer
JUNO --> Gemini
VESTA - Aries
LILITH - Leo
ERIS - Aries
SIRIUS- Cancer (fixed)

TRANSITS AND ASPECTS THIS WEEK

Monday 01 May
Venus square Ceres
Juno enters Gemini (direct)
Pluto turns retrograde
Sun conjunct Mercury

Tuesday 02 May
Pluto trine Juno
Venus sextile Eris

Wednesday 03 May
Sun square Lilith
Pluto opposite Pallas
Sun square Chariklo

Thursday 04 May
Venus square Neptune
Venus sextile Jupiter

Friday 05 May
Mercury conjunct Vesta
Venus trine Elatus
Full Moon Penumbral Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio 14° 10:34 am PDT

Saturday 06 May
Venus conjunct Chaos @29° Gemini

Sunday 07 May
Venus quincunx Pluto
Venus enters Cancer   

Dare I say, this week looks "Normal" (emphasis on the quotes)!? - Bitchscopes for April 24-30

Listen to BitchScopes as a Podcast on Spotify:  https://spoti.fi/3XMdHDL

Email me: Kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Other Bitch Podcasts: Anchor.fm/Bitchstory or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3ZcFEWo

Anchor.fm/Bitchsplaining or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3YV6yT0

Hey Bitches, guess what? This week we do not have any 29°, or dramatic events, or “interesting” crap. This looks pretty normal, whatever the hell that is. Most of the major aspects are sextiles, which indicates ease and flow. I mean, we are in Mercury retrograde, and he’s being a real shit in my opinion, but it's mostly annoyances in my life. What are you guys experiencing? Where is your Taurus?

Monday, right off the bat, we have some conjunctions with the North Node. This will attract the right people to you…it’s a “right place right time” kinda vibe.

Tuesday the Sun sextile Saturn is a “get’r done” energy. And Venus sextiles Chiron which will draw people to you…and has the potential to heal a bit of a money issues. Let’s visualize Money being drawn to you as if it is a person. I think I’ll dig into this one more…it’s juicy.

Wednesday is a day of deeper connection to your partner, and a focus on spiritual goals. You might feel more determined to make progress on your spiritual work.

Thursday is a Chiron day - Mars squares Chiron. Squares are conflict and Mars squaring anything is a bit confrontational. This is a day you might feel triggered and a wound comes up from the past. You’ll be forced to deal with it in some way.

I just launched this email report last week. It is focused on Chiron and what you need to truly heal and move ahead based on your natal chart. (Email me if you have trouble with the purchasing process - kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me)

https://prodca.click4talk.com/c4a/admin/users_ebs_link.php?ebs_id=7126&aid=122265

Friday, Chiron’s medicine woman wife Chariklo comes in to offer compassion and space holding as you work through whatever this is (She’s included in that report as well!)

Saturday is a mixed bag. The Sun sextile Uranus wants to stir up something fun and exciting but Lilith and a Juno Elatus quincunx have some angry feelings coming up that are hard to express. Maybe dance it out! Yes, that is Dr. Kelly’s prescription.

Sunday is a no pants day. That’s like a wild card you can use as you wish.

For this week’s scopes, I’m going to zone in on Chiron, because I think it’s worth exploring how we can heal individually so we can not feel so much trauma-burn out. And there’s quite a pile up of planets in Taurus: The Sun, Uranus, Juno, and Mercury Rx. So let's check it out for each sign...




ARIES - Unexpected money is what comes to mind when I look at your chart. All that Taurus energy is in your 2nd house and with Uranus and Mercury retrograde there, it’s anyone’s guess. You might have an unexpected bill or receive an unexpected monetary gift. Mars in Cancer is in your 6th house, making you want to organize and schedule and whatnot. But that square to Chiron hits your 1st house, so there’s something happening between your job/routine and your identity. Do you have imposter syndrome? Let me assure you that you are not an imposter and are in fact a badass. So run along now…literally


TAURUS - Your outlook, mood, thought processes, conversational skills…not to mention electronics…are bound to be a little all over the place. Mars in Cancer in your 5th house will have you on a quest for fun and enjoyment. But don’t forget to put some money in the bank, because you know you have a list of things to buy and they ain’t gonna buy themselves! Actually Chiron can help you end negative money patterns, or negative feelings about money. Point being, in all your moodiness, don’t forget to pay attention to your money going in and and moving out of your bank account. Those kinds of surprises suck.


GEMINI - All that Taurus energy is in your 12th house so girl, you need to be on vacation, or staycation, or even just …alone! Mars in Cancer is in your 4th of home, so if you have the ability to be alone in your house, wahoo! You might find yourself invited somewhere and you probably don’t really want to go. But see if you can step out of your comfort zone on this, because Chiron is in your 11th house trying to heal some of your social wounding. Or you might be entertaining at your home. Either way, things are working in your favor, but do spend some time in quiet if you can. (The noise inside your head doesn’t count I guess since you can’t do anything about it. Haha ask me how I know!)


CANCER - Mars transiting your 1st house should give you an energy boost. All that Taurus energy lands in your 11th house, making your social connections and dreams for the future a focus. With Mercury retrograding there you might find yourself thinking about old friends. The Chiron square to Mars could offer you some healing opportunities about your job and how it relates to your self identity. Do you identify with what you do? How do you feel about it? Granted, this healing will first have to be triggered, so there may be a “moment” of anger first.


LEO - There’s a lot of all-over-the-place energy in your career house. Uranus has been there, making changes, but now it’s a full house and that includes Mercury retrograde. So you’re probably doing a lot of thinking about your career/job and what’s next for you. The Mars-chiron Square happens in your spirituality and belief houses. Is there a religion wound you need to tend to? Maybe some issue with forgiveness? If you can identify it, all the better. If you get triggered out of the blue, now you’ll know why.


VIRGO - All the Taurus planets are in your 9th house. Uranus has been there for a while, so some changes to how you view the world, your philosophies of life, and your beliefs, all are going through some changes and expansions. Chiron and Mars square each other from the 8th and 11th houses, respectively, which indicates some kind of trigger is possible stemming from social interactions. Your friendships, associations, maybe even your dreams for the future, are offered deep healing from the 8th house. Feels to me that you are entering the next phase of your life - it’ll be good!


LIBRA - Taurus planets are all lined up in your 8th house, so there might be some debt or taxes or other financial issues that you’re having to pay attention to now. With Mercury retrograding there it is likely this has been brewing for a bit. You have Mars at the top of your chart in Cancer, so your ability to make money is without question. The Chiron-Mars square is between your 7th house of partnership and your 10th house of career. Squares are obstacles and create friction, but they are one of the best aspects for busting through a problem. A person with a lot of squares in their natal chart is a resilient and resourceful person. You and your business or romantic partner will find a solution. So you’ve got this. On the plus side, having sexy Taurus in the potentially sexy 8th house does not suck!


SCORPIO - Well if anyone is going to hear from an Ex this Mercury retrograde, it’s you. Mercury and the other Taurus energy is all lined up in your 7th house. You can of course do what you wish with this, but it feels to me like this is mostly sexual connection. Which…yay you. But it all depends on your current circumstances. In completely different news, it looks like there’s a misalignment between your health or routine and your belief system(s). This could be something as simple as going to church (or not), or something related to your body and your current understanding and knowledge of it needs to be updated.


SAGITTARIUS - With Taurus (money) lining up in your 6th house (work), I think (in the words of the great Britney Spears) you’d better work, bitch. This could mean anything from getting a new job to setting new goals. But both Taurus and Sagittarius energy can be a bit spendy so act accordingly. The Mars-Chiron square happens between your 5th house and 8th house, which is another indication that too much fun can create debt. Get it together Sadge. I know you have Spring fever but get your head out of the clouds and get down to business so you can enjoy summer without burden.


CAPRICORN - Creativity can make you money right now. All those great ideas of yours…put them out in the world! Taurus is packing your 5th house of creativity, joy and children. Pregnancy is a 5th house thing, and creative projects can be considered birthing. Mercury Retrograde in that house indicates the possibility of a project you’ve put on hold coming back up, or…old romantic partners showing up. Ew. Forewarned is forearmed! The Mars-Chiron square is between the 7th and 4th houses, which makes me think of family living arrangements, moving in with a partner, and the issues and blockages that come up around those kinds of discussions. Squares cause friction but usually lead to problem solving as well.


AQUARIUS - Mercury retrograde is happening in your 4th house, so maybe a project will need to be redone, or there are annoying malfunctions around the house. But more interesting to me is the Mars-Chiron square between your 6th and 3rd houses. Mars in the 6th would normally be a lot of physical activity, but because Mars is in Cancer, this is more like doing the inner work. The 3rd house is about communication. So maybe there’s something you need to say or that you’re trying to figure out about yourself. With Mercury retrograde, answers may be harder to find, but you’ll get there.


PISCES - Mercury retrograde happens in your 3rd house, which is Mercury’s natural home. You might have literal communication issues, like your phone flipping out, or you may be doubling down and crank out a book in a weekend. Chiron is (and has been) in your 2nd house of earned income, healing whatever you’ve got going on there. But Mars is squaring him from the 5th house of creativity. Are your creative projects producing fruit the way they should? Is there something that needs to be tweaked to make one really get going? Mercury retrograde is actually a great time to figure that stuff out.

PLANETS THIS WEEK

SUN - Taurus
MERCURY  - Taurus (Rx)
VENUS - Gemini
MARS - Cancer
JUPITER - Aries
SATURN - Pisces
URANUS - Taurus
NEPTUNE - Pisces
PLUTO - Aquarius
CHIRON - Aries
CHARIKLO - Aquarius
CHAOS - Gemini 
N. NODE - Taurus
CERES - Virgo (Rx)
PALLAS - Cancer
JUNO - Aries
VESTA - Aries
LILITH - Leo
ERIS - Aries
SIRIUS- Cancer (fixed)

TRANSITS THIS WEEK

Monday 24 April
Sun conjunct Vesta
Sun conjunct N Node
Vesta conjunct N Node

Tuesday 25 April
Sun sextile Saturn
Venus sextile Chiron

Wednesday 26 April
Neptune sextile Juno
Saturn sextile Vesta


Thursday 27 April
Mars square Chiron

Friday 28 April
Mercury square Chariklo

Saturday 29 April
Mars sextile Uranus
Mercury square Lilith
Juno quincunx Elatus

Sunday 30 April
No pants!

Mercury Retrograde, Solar Eclipse at 29°, and more! BitchScopes for the week of April 17th

Listen to BitchScopes as a Podcast on Spotify:  https://spoti.fi/3XMdHDL

Email me: Kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Other Bitch Podcasts: Anchor.fm/Bitchstory or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3ZcFEWo

Anchor.fm/Bitchsplaining or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3YV6yT0

Wow! What a week we have ahead of us astrologically...yes, another big deal.  I'll just start from the top and try not to dance with too many squirrels... (deep breath)

Monday & Tuesday - we have access to deep Universal wisdom and we may find some obstacles to our success are temporarily out of our way.  Let’s call that a harbinger!

Wednesday is the Solar Eclipse Day!  This is the 2nd new moon in Aries in a row - last month we had a new moon at 1° of Aries and this week it is at 29° of Aries.  Those are the first and last degrees of the sign, so whatever happened between March 20th and April 20th is bookended these new moons!  Aries is about initiating something, starting something, going after it head first.  Sometimes Aries burns a little too hot, so beware of burning bridges. AND, this week’s new moon is an eclipse, which while sometimes harsh, can align us with what is needed to move us ahead. 

This is being called a ‘hybrid eclipse’ because it will be both total and annular (which is when you can see the ring around the moon).  Just as the moon will be in transition, so are we…and that’s an understatement.  Every one of you that I’ve talked to has described some sort of transition in your life.  I’m in one too.  Transition can sound like a gentle movement, but generally speaking they are uncomfortable, and some are downright shitty. Trust the process and have faith that by the end of it, you will be in a better spot.  How harsh the transition is often depends on how far off our best path we have drifted.  It isn’t your fault, and there isn’t a punishment.  But the tow truck might have to drive out farther to get your ass if you went all wild 4-wheeling, and then you’ll have to endure the shitty drive with the tow-truck driver, and you’ll have to pee, and the bill will be crazy high.  

(Come on, I know you love my insane analogies haha!)  Whereas if you just got a flat or a dead battery, it’s not so bad.  That delay exists for some reason…perhaps it is to line you up with the right person/place/thing/job/opportunity at the right time.  That’s how eclipses work. 

AND THEN…the day after the eclipse, we get a Mercury retrograde in Taurus.  Taurus rules security and money, so we are likely to experience some changes in those areas. Don’t assume it will be a “negative” change.  

AND, on the same day as Mercury retrograde, I noticed something very interesting…

There is an asteroid named Elatus which I have not discussed before.  He is a Centaur…a pal of Chiron’s.  Elatus, was a centaur, killed during a battle with Heracles by a poisoned arrow that passed through his arm and continued to wound Chiron in the knee (Chiron died from this!).  So in addition to having a meaning relating to “dodging a bullet” (there are a number of political figures, scandals, and smooth talkers with Elatus present in the chart), elatus relate to eloquence, being a good speaker, and passionate expression. My natal chart shows Elatus conjunct Pluto…and if you follow me on Instagram, you might understand the picture this paints. (I don’t hold much back and I’m pretty passionate!) Anyway, the reason Elatus caught my eye today is because it makes some very interesting aspects.  I believe my attention is drawn to things for a reason, so of course I willingly dove down the rabbit hole on this Elatus action.  

Wednesday the Sun (our Will) at 29° of Aries (action) is opposite Elatus (our ability to move others) at 29° of Libra (harmony).  There is tension between keeping the peace and taking action on something. 29° (the critical/anaretic degree) of course makes this feel urgent. 

And then on Friday, Chaos is trine Elatus.  Chaos is exactly what it sounds like, but can also be a source of creativity and untapped potential. Mercury is the planet of communication, so having Elatus, the passionate speechmaker,  in the picture the day Mercury retrogrades is definitely interesting.  Furthermore, this trine happens at 29° of Libra and Gemini. Libra and Gemini are both air signs, which indicates a lot of mental energy.  29° makes this feel urgent.   This confluence of events feels to me like something that needs to be urgently said.  I’ll be watching the news on that day to see if anything noteworthy is shouted from the rooftops.  I can’t help but think of the Tennessee three and how the Justins were ousted (by House Republicans) for protesting for gun control with their constituents (and then reinstated by the Nashville city council a few days later.)  

All told, there are 4 transits this week that are at 29°, a Mercury retrograde, and a New Moon Solar Eclipse.  If this doesn’t scream “WE ARE IN TRANSITION, BITCHES!”, then I don’t know what does!

Allow me to use another analogy to illustrate this (and the people were overjoyed, for they loved her analogies!)

During the birth of a baby, the mother goes through a labor phase called “transition”.  Like I said earlier, it’s a deceptively calm sounding word.  Transitional labor is the part where the “heehee haha”s stop working and you start rethinking that natural childbirth plan.  The baby is moving into launch position and the cervix is opening fully…and what makes all that happen is contractions…big, hard, gnarly contractions. 

As a country, the USA is a fucking hot mess.  I don’t think that’s a secret or an understatement. We are transitioning from something to something else. Socially and astrologically, we are transitioning from Pluto in Capricorn to Pluto in Aquarius.  Personally we are experiencing all of this PLUS whatever personal transits we are having.  It is hard to trust the process.  It is hard to have faith in anything. But what is the alternative? Doom scrolling, never leaving the house, becoming a curmudgeon who is pasty white, deficient in Vitamin D, and really angry? Eh, I think we can do better.   Let’s collectively believe that better things are coming. New realities are forming that are better than this one. 

Do I always feel this optimistic? No. And on those days I watch Spongebob and color in my coloring book in my blanket fort, and drink wine. Follow me for more lifestyle tips. Bwahahaha!

Happy Age of Aquarius - are we there yet? 

Have a good week, bitches! You know where to find me. 

ARIES - Do you feel the burn Aries? I don’t know how you couldn’t with all this new moon activity swirling around your sign.  This one, eclipsing your ego at 29° might give you moments of panic or anxiety, and if so, just know that you need to release some physical energy. You, like all of us, are entering into some kind of new era.  Mercury retrograde will take place in your 2nd house of earned money.  So you might have direct deposit hiccups, tax filing issues (or breakthroughs!), and feelings of insecurity.  Elatus at 29° of Libra lies in your 7th house of marriage and contractual agreements, so you might bite your tongue or fail to bite your tongue and say something that feels very pressing or urgent  to your partner. Whatever this is, Elatus gives it great eloquence so the message is likely to be deeply felt. 

TAURUS - Mercury retrograde in your sign might give you some feelings of insecurity about yourself, your appearance and how you present to the world. This will pass…you’re still hot I promise.  Mercury might screw up some plans you have, so stay light on your feet, figuratively speaking.  The New Moon will eclipse in your 12th house of secrets, karma and the unconscious mind.  If you don’t have a meditation practice of some kind, get one.  With this placement in particular, you might not find out what this eclipse is serving for 3 or more months. There’s some interesting stuff happening in your career related houses.  I feel like you might be looking to shift, or about to experience a shift, from “job” to something more fulfilling.

GEMINI - The New Moon/Solar Eclipse happens in your 11th house of people you know/friends/associates/audience.  Projects you are working on could find their footing in the coming weeks. If you have to pitch a project to someone for funding etc, Elatus at 29° will make you the salesbitch with the Midas touch, although while it is at 29° you might feel a sense of urgency that you’ll need to keep in check.  Your ruling planet, Mercury, will retrograde in your 12th house of secrets, karma, and the unconscious.  This might make you feel a bit less social for a few weeks. But during that time, you might get lots of intuitive nudges and be able to really push through on those projects.  Chaos is at 29° of Gemini this week, so creativity could be really high.  If anyone can thrive in chaos, it’s you.  And within the chaos is lots of untapped potential that you are particularly well suited to suss out!

CANCER - You are one of the least fucked with signs this week, in my opinion.  Mercury retrograde might cause some hiccups with your friends, associates, and colleagues, but you will emerge with stronger connections with the right people.  There is more cooperation available for you than other signs.  The New Moon/Solar Eclipse will happen in your 10th house of public image/career.  New opportunities are likely to show up either in the couple weeks after this moon, or even 3 or 6 months later.  It’s likely to be a pleasant surprise.  Elatus at 29° of Libra taps into his eloquence in your home sector, which is of course opposite your 10th house.  Maybe you feel an urgent need to tell your family about your new job, or someone in your family needs a come-to-Jesus talk.  You will have the right words to get it done.  

LEO - You might have some career revelations during this Mercury retrograde. Having the North Node and Uranus in your house of public image and career for the last year or so has definitely shaken up the snow globe (that’s mostly Uranus).  But clarity should be starting to form in your mind for many of you.  This New Moon/Solar Eclipse happens in your 9th house can have an effect on your beliefs.  This is almost like an intellectual lightning strike, and you might find yourself seeking to expand your world (travel or study), or expand the world of others (by teaching, for example).  Elatus at 29° of Libra sits in your 3rd house of communication.  If you have something you need to say, you will be able to do it, and do it with eloquence and passion.  Elatus has a very wonky orbit and will bounce around this degree off and on for a while, so you don’t need to sweat the timing.  You’ve got this. 

VIRGO - Your world view and belief system(s) have undergone some serious shifts over the last year. You have had a very busy 9th house (which rules beliefs and experiences)  for a while now with Uranus, and the North Node there. Your ruling planet Mercury will retrograde there as well. In addition to your routine possibly getting wanked, you might find yourself once again introspecting or having a lot of mental energy around beliefs.  Are your beliefs truly a reflection of you or are they projections from others? The New Moon/Solar Eclipse will take place in your 8th house, which is also about what we carry for other people, and how we benefit from others’  resources.  This is a house of intimacy and shared “water” and having an eclipse here could feel dramatic. Both the 8th house and Taurus are related to financial matters so that might come up for you as well.  You’ll be finalizing things now and over the next few months. 

LIBRA - Mercury will retrograde in your 8th house of “other people’s resources”.  This house covers taxes, debt, loans and inheritances (among other things). So you will likely be going over your budget and how to best utilize your joint resources, manage/consolidate/pay off debt etc.  This has been a theme for you for a while since Uranus and the North Node have been hanging out in that house for a year-ish.  Then the New Moon/Solar Eclipse takes place in your 7th house of partnerships, so compromise, collaboration and cooperation are the key words.  Elatus is in your sign, but at 29° he could feel bajiggity and like you need to say something urgently.  I would advise you to be as mindful as possible. Elatus will give you the eloquent touch you need. 

SCORPIO - Mercury retrograde will happen in your 7th house of partnerships.  This has been an ongoing theme for you due to Uranus and the North Node pulling your attention there.  But Uranus can make things confusing.  Mercury might actually help clarify some things (and this summer the North Node will change signs and give you some relief) about wha you need to feel truly secure.  The New Moon/Solar Eclipse happens in your 6th house of health and habit.  New beginnings in the workplace, or in your routine can start as a result of this.  Despite these 2 fairly “dramatic” events, the water signs feel the least bajiggity to me, so you may not notice a ton of stuff.  I would encourage you to keep a dream journal however, because Elatus is hovering at that 29th degree in your 12th house, and you could have some breakthroughs. 

SAGITTARIUS - Your ruling planet, Jupiter, is a bit challenged this week, so your usual golden touch may feel a tad bit tarnished.  It isn’t anything you can’t overcome. But if you feel like something is off, that might be it.  Or it might be Mercury retrograde…or it might be the eclipse. Take your pick of things to blame this week.  Mercury retrogrades in Taurus in your 6th house of health and habit.  So your routine is quite likely to take some kind of hit.  Some people are unbothered by this, but if you have a lof of Earth in your chart, it might irritate you.  The New Moon/Solar Eclipse happens in your 5th house, which could kick off a new period of creativity for you, or have you feeling particularly playful. You could also find yourself in the midst of issues within your friends group, with you likely playing the role of counselor.  But all in all things don’t feel super dramatic for Sagittarians overall. 

CAPRICORN - Mercury retrograde in Taurus happens in your 5th house.  Issues with children might come up - for example you might notice some behaviors that are unusual or less than acceptable (particularly with kids who have strong Taurus).  But it might also have you brainstorming or finding ideas and feeling more creative than usual.  The Solar Eclipse happens in your 4th house, which has been a running theme for you this year for sure. You might be thinking about ancestors or old family traditions and other things related to the past.   New house projects could start, but completions are just as likely with that 29th degree. I would recommend a good house clearing to clear out the old and welcome in the fresh new energy.  Open the windows, walk through each room and sage it and state and intention for that room. Ring a bell (I sometimes put a few coins in a soda can and shake it to clear out old “stuff”)  or play some fun loud music as you go.  Elatus will make sure you are able to say what you need to say at the office, and with the persuasive power you need to get what you want!

AQUARIUS - You are likely to feel pulled in many directions, or have just had a period where that was the case.  Alternating between holding space for others and compassion fatigue is likely. You’ll need to guard your energy.   Mercury retrogrades in Taurus in your 4th house, inviting you to look deeper into what makes you feel truly secure and at home. This is a great time to get things ready for Spring and Summer - dust off that patio furniture and open up the windows (unless its still snowing where you are, in which case, hold that thought!!)  The New Moon/Solar Eclipse happens in your 3rd house of communication.  You might find yourself busy socially, or neck deep in a new creative writing project or podcast.  Elatus at 29° is in an interesting place - your 9th house.  You are lined up to get some beautiful inspiration from him.  

PISCES -  The next few weeks feel rather “floaty” to me when I look at your chart - there’s a lot of air and water. Mercury in Taurus (one of the only current Earth influences) will retrograde in your 3rd house. This is Mercury’s natural habitat, and the introversion and introspection works for you more than others.  You could find a slower pace nice for connecting or reconnecting with people that you have zoomed past recently.  The New Moon/Solar Eclipse will be in your 2nd house of income. It’s at 29° of Aries, so you may feel on fire to spend money, do or start something of a financial nature.  A sudden new source of income may appear, or you may just be reassessing your value, your rates if you own a business, or going over your budget in general. Elatus at 29° is in your 8th house of other people’s money,  ruled by Libra, so financial/relationship breakthroughs are possible.  Chariklo is in the other deep water house - your 12th house - where psychic insight and compassion can come together beautifully and in such a Piscean way.  

Monday 17 April
Sun trine Galactic Center

Tuesday 18 April
Saturn sextile N Node

Wednesday 19 April
Solar Eclipse at 29° Aries @ 9:12pm PT
Mars quincunx Chariklo
Sun in Aries sextile Chaos in Gemini @29°
Sun in Aries opposite Elatus in Libra 29°
Occultation of Jupiter by the Moon

Thursday 20 April
Sun enters Taurus
Sun square Pluto 0° Aq/Tau
Venus sextile Lilith

Friday 21 April
Mercury Retrograde at 15° Taurus
Elatus trine Chaos @29° Libra/Gem

Saturday 22 April
Venus trine Chariklo
Jupiter quincunx Ceres

Sunday 23 April
Mercury sextile Mars
Jupiter conjunct Eris
Neptune trine Pallas

Monday 24 April
Sun conjunct N Node
Sun conjunct Vesta