Ok bear with me as I whine and bitch a little. First, this last week was …somethin’! It started off great with the Spookapalooza Halloween Radio Event at 12Radio.com. Tuesday was Halloween, of course, and I don’t know what overcame me, but I dressed as Medusa and sat outside (covered in OFF) to greet the candy goblins. By mid-week I was feeling pretty great, despite the break out that my Medusa make up and menopause left me with. Thursday must have been fine because I don’t have anything to say about her. But Friday…well. I had a repairman scheduled. If you follow me on Instagram, you know how this story goes. But I’ll summarize. Around 11:45 my daughter texted me that there were rumors of a gun on campus. Lots of kids were “beefing” (which, if you don’t know, means people arguing, being mad, etc. It’s a term I’ve made peace with, but it makes me giggle) and there had been a bunch of fights. This is not typical for my daughters High School. So I told her to be smart and stay aware and GTFO of there at the first sign of trouble.
Minutes later, I got a “robocall” from the school saying rumors of a gun on campus were unfounded and deemed to be untrue. Moments later my daughter called and said that a bunch of kids are running and screaming and a bunch of people said they saw the gun and half the school has bailed out. So I said “OK we are coming to get you right now. Go outside of the gates and if anyone tries to prevent you from leaving, Goddess help them!”
She said OK.
Her brother left the house to get her.
In the 10 minutes he was gone to get her she called me and was giving me a sort of play by play. She tried to get into her 5th period class (because she had a test LOL. Bless her. ) but the door was locked. I said “well I bet they are locking down.” Then she said they shut the gates but there were kids locked out of the classrooms and in the campus quad. Kids were climbing the fences (which are not friendly and could be very dangerous) and there were cops everywhere (I posted a video of this part). Shortly after that, her brother scooped her into the car and they were home, safe. Thank ALL the goddesses!
Then the repairman came. Oh yeah, him. Almost forgot about him. Well he showed up, looking like a cartoon version/caricature of a handyman. He was nice, but he made a lot of racket! At one point I had to check what reality I was in, because it felt like my 1st husband was in the kitchen. Oh, hey there, disregulated Nervous System. Long time no see!
The rest of my Friday was spent helping my son register for his next semester at college. Then there was some crying and raging at social media and commenting on our disgustingly inadequate local news. Then I went to sleep really, really late and had stupid dreams. And here I am on a Saturday trying to recapture some of that time.
I selfishly hoped that this week’s astrology would be pretty easy for me to knock out. Sometimes I wish I could just …”mail it in” as they say. But my goddamn Capricorn stellium will not let me! Fuck!
So…there’s a New Moon. It’s not this Monday the 6th but next Monday the 13th. So technically I could cut myself a break this week and talk about it next week. But I guess I love to suffer! (Stupid 8th house Sun!) I feel like I kinda have to talk about it this week so you’ll have time to read and think and meditate or whatever all y’all do.
And is it one of the lovely, squishy New Moons? Nope!
Let’s check out this week’s fuckery, shall we?
I'm naming this week's energy "screw logic!". Embrace mystery and intuition and joy for the sake of joy!
We kick off the week with Venus trine Pluto, which lights a fire in us for joy. Passion for joy and beauty…yes please. Also on Monday Mercury trines Neptune and quincunxes Eris. Imaginations are keen with Mercury and Neptune. But that Eris aspect…um…how shall I describe this?
Logic and Disruption walk into a bar. Logic says, “I’ll have whatever makes sense. If you have an open bottle of vodka, mix that with a little of whatever seems reasonable.” Eris says “Oh my Goddess, they don’t have Grey Goose!” (getting louder) “What kind of bar doesn’t have Grey Goose!? I bet you’re watering them down too!” (to the other customers) “Is your drink watered down? I bet it is!” (now to the bartender) “This does not make me feel like a valued customer! How dare you?” And then the bartender kicked Disruption out of the bar and Logic drank in peace and quiet and it was very, very boring. The End.
Wednesday Venus enters Libra. Yesssssssah! We are here for some beauty and class and decorum and charm and motherfucking harmony!! YES! But then Venus hooks up in a quincunx with Saturn and then feels like shit about herself and Mercury sextiles Pluto and now everyone is searching the Dark Web and covering up their computer’s video cam.
Thursday Mercury enters Sagittarius. Yeeeessssss! We are here for some optimism and expansive thinking! And thennnn Mercury hooks up with Saturn in a square and then he feels like shit about himself and sulks alone in his office, grumbling and being quite productive.
Saturday. Woo! It’s the weekend! It is 11/11! Hot damn! Let’s set intentions! Let’s manifest our brains out! Let’s make wishes and embrace all of the seemingly silly superstition around this energy because it fucking feels good, OKAY? It doesn’t need to be logical. How logical is it to put a burning stick in someone’s birthday cake and then tell them to blow it out and spit all over the cake and then serve it to their friends? Zero. That makes zero sense, but it’s fun, goddamnit! And what’s a little spit between friends? It’s fine.
Saturday is also Veterans Day. Thank a Vet. Honor a Vet. Listen to my interview with MY Vet. Listen to the new episode of Bitchstory about a badass lady fighter pilot Vet. Thank you to all who have served!
Also on Saturday Mars opposes Uranus. Energy out in the world might be a bit defensive. We are all trying to break free of something and this opposition feels a little triggery to me.
Sunday Mercury squares Lilith. Ok so…Logic and Feminist Outrage walk into a bar. Logic doesn’t think there needs to be any feminist outrage, and then Feminist Outrage punches logic in the balls. The End.
So now, let’s discuss that New Moon on Monday the 13th. This puppy is in Scorpio, so there’s a lot of inward facing intensity. This rides the coat tails of that last eclipse and can help us find closure to certain issues that pertain to that Taurus - Scorpio axis.
“Closure, check, ok great! Thanks Kel…”
“And…”
“Fuck…”
Mars is conjunct this moon, and Uranus is opposite it. This makes for a lot of restless and pissy energy. Neither Mars nor Uranus are particularly patient. Mars will be a bit agitated. The combination of these 2 planets alone interacting with the moon means emotions will be shaken, not stirred! (I’m on fire with this bar analogy, eh?)
Shortly after the exact newness of the Moon, it will trine Neptune and Sextile Pluto. Both of these aspects indicate heightened intuition and emotional sensitivity, and Scorpio is already very sensitive! Add 2 olives and put that drink in a blender. While that is blending, just drink straight out of the liquor bottle.
I kid! Do not become an alcoholic, fall off the wagon, or otherwise be a dummy. It’s just a moon!
Watch sad movies and let those emotions hitch a ride out of your body that way. It works. Try not to be too reactive with …well anyone. Not the asshole in traffic, not the School District Superintendent, not your spouse. Take good, deep care of yourself. Explore themes of the 8th house (which Scorpio rules) and how you share things with others: money, your closet, resources, information, your body…
I think the energy will start to be palpably “weird” around Friday. So you have the weekend to sequester and cry if you need to. And don’t get me wrong, I love New Moons! Some of us will dig this energy and not feel shitty at all. But forewarned is forearmed.
Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me
