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Monday, December 11, 2023

BitchStrology for the week of December 11th - DREAM BIG, Bitches!

Guys, let’s tawk. How are you? For me, this last week has been ex-fucking-zausting! Mercury retro-shade, as the cool kids call it, has been fucking with literal lights and electrical shit in my life. I don’t have time (or the know-how) to troubleshoot an electrical panel and every single electrician I know is an ex boyfriend, or a friend’s ex husband. This Mercury retrograde lands in my 7th house of relationships, so that seems about right. Annoying AF, let me tell you. But with my darling Libra husband’s help, I got the fucking snowman lit up, along with the stupid light up reindeer that shed glitter all over hells half acre. I mean, I like the glitter part but it doesn’t alleviate the rage of assembling shit. The holidays are just a burden in my opinion. I tell people all year long that I fucking love the shit out of them. I buy fun shit all year. For that matter, I have twinkle lights and glitter all year! I don’t need this stupid holiday pressuring me! I don’t wanna bake cookies and make fudge and write Xmas cards. So yeah, I’m grinchy. Sue me.

There’s a few things I could prattle on about in this week’s astrology but I know you all just want to know what’s up with the New Moon, and Mercury Retrograde, so that’s what I’m going to focus on. But first, as some background info,
there’s a significant amount of Aries energy afoot. The North Node, Eris, Chiron are in Aries, and those energies mix with the New Moon and Mercury.
Ok so the reason you’re all here reading this… the New Moon. This lovely little respite in the season of shit is in Sagittarius at 20°. Sagittarius is a dreamer, so use this final New Moon of 2023 to dream big, shoot for the stars, let your imagination drive the bus. Sadge is expansive and inclusive and curious and contains a lot of innate wisdom. This Moon is trine Chiron, square Juno, quincunx Uranus, trine the North Node, trine Eris, square Neptune! And this Moon conjuncts Mars a few hours before it conjuncts the Sun. So there’s a whole lot going on here! Chiron and Mars offer motivation to heal; we can take our past wounds and make something good out of them. The trine to Eris helps us with emotional resilience and trusting our intution, and this is no small thing. You know the longer I work with the more maligned goddesses like Lilith and Eris, the more I love them, and realize how misunderstood, undersold, and cast off they are. And they both symbolize rejection so that’s appropriate. But many astrologers interpret these 2 badasses with just the rejection and scorn aspects, forgetting that they were scorned and ostracized for having a point of view that was contrary. Sorry, had to make that little tangential comment. Emotional resilience is a big fucking deal, and Eris can bring that to the New Moon party! Uranus does create some uncertainty with that quincunx, but if we want to be liberated, then we have to embrace the instability a bit, ya know? Neptune can bring some confusion and maybe insecurity to this soiree, but overall, this is a real beauty!
And then right on the heels of the New Moon, Mercury stations retrograde. Mercury will be still for 5 days, beginning his moon walk at 8° of Capricorn. Mercury in Capricorn is business-like and serious. You can REthink, REconsider, REstrategize your business plans during this time (retrograde ends on January 1st and begins direct motion on the 2nd). Right before Christmas, Mercury will back into Sagittarius. Opportunities might REvisit us. Our dreams can be REvitalized. We might also feels REstless…ok I cheated on that one, but its true. Overall this retrograde is a big picture thinker. First he’s practical, then he lets loose a bit and REminds us to dream. Despite my electrical issues, I feel good about this retrograde. So don’t be afraid to feel hopeful and optimistic! (This week’s scopes I will talk about Mercury in Capricorn. I'll talk about the 2nd half of the retrograde in a couple weeks, because about halfway through, Merc will slide back into Sagittarius.)

There is a lot of healing available to humanity between now and the end of this year. Lean into it! We all should!

I have to touch on some interesting numerology as well. Obviously we are in the 12th month, but check out these other 12’s:
  • Moon conjunct Mars at 12° of Sagittarius
  • The New Moon on 12/12
  • Mercury Retrograde on 12/12 (Pacific time)
  • Mercury Retrograde ends on 1/2 (1/2/24, and 24 is 12x2)
  • Mercury enters Sag on 12/24
  • The 12 days of Xmas…(ok maybe a stretch, but that does begin the day after Mercury enters Sag…)
  • 12 according to DV’s Angel numbers is hope and faith and thinking positively. In traditional numerology defines 12 as positive changes, new beginnings, and harmony, as well as growth, creative thinking, clear expression, patience, open-mindedness, autonomy, independence, self-reliance, collaboration, hope, and energy.
  • The 12th card in the Tarot is the hanged man, which challenges us to look at things differently and change our perspective.

So I think this planetary dance in December could be really good for us and bring us HOPE.

For Scopes, I will look at where both of these events land for each sign. Might call this week's scopes “GrinchScopes”. Like the Grinch, perhaps we can all experience an expansion in our hearts. So maybe they are really HopeScopes…hmmm. It is really offputting when I start out pissed off and then end up all optimistic and shit. Dream big, bitches.


Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bitchstrology

Sunday, December 3, 2023

BitchStrology for the week of December 4th. Finally, a break!

Welp, here we are, Bitches. December. The last month of the calendar year. If you had some goals for this year and  didn’t get them done in the previous 11 months, I guess you’re fucked…
Ha. Well first of all, time is a construct. Secondly, end of year, beginning of year, tomayto, tomahto. Every single month we get a full and new moon to set and reset our goals and intentions. So fuck the end of year blues and New Year’s Resolutions. Lame. I declare making resolutions OUT, and letting ourselves off the fucking hook IN. We don’t need to put EXTRA pressure on ourselves to constantly BE and DO and CONQUER and ACHIEVE and PLAN!  Y’all need to calm down! We aren’t even in Capricorn season yet!
Ok so anyway *smoothing my apron*, December. We get to end the year with a Mercury retrograde, but I’ll talk about that next week. This week we have Venus moving into Scorpio, Neptune goes direct, and honestly, nothing massively urgent happening. Praise the planets, they got the “calm the fuck down” memo too!
Monday Venus moves into Scorpio, where relationshippy stuff can get real deep and profound.  Venus in Scorpio can be money hungry and a bit fixated. So working a lot or too much is a possibility. We can be financially strategic with this placement, but we might also be secretive about our money, and our love affairs, frankly.
Tuesday Venus trines Saturn, which can lead to commitment when it comes to love, money and our values.  This will be great for relationships that are just about ready to take that next step.  Cuffing season perfection.
Wednesday Neptune stations direct in Pisces.  Neptune is a little weird in that when he’s retrograde, the rose-colored glasses come OFF, and when he’s direct we are less realistic. So with him direct in Pisces, empathy overall is going to get turned up, and thank goddess because there is a huge kindness deficit in the world.  But we also might be in a bit of denial. Neptune’s fog can obscure things.  Our intuition and the more subtle energies are strong, but the concrete energy of comprehension is smooshy.
I have a good feeling about Thursday, as there are several transits that indicate good news and compassion. I think we might get some good news on the global front this week…dare to dream, right?
The weekend is also pretty chill.  Friday and Sunday are no pants days, and Saturday is a great day for a party, gathering, or fun in general…with one caveat.  The Sun squares Juno Saturday, so there could be a bit of an ego conflict in relationships…nothing massive, maybe just an argument about who is right, but possibly enough to fuck up an evening or a party if you’re not careful.
Last Friday the 1st, Mercury moved into Capricorn, where we are practical, problem solving, and organized in our thinking (well, some of us are hahaha!). Mercury makes a couple of trines this week that are indicative of that good news I referred to. So I’m going to look at that for each sign, in addition to where Venus is being sneaky, and where Neptune is being in denial.

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bitchstrology

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Bitchstrology for the week of 11/27 - Evolution and Awakening

We start the week off with that Full Moon in Gemini, which I talked about last week.  I don’t think this is going to be a soft full moon. This girl is opposite Mars and Square Pluto.  I think words might fly. Truths can be uncovered.  Things will be illuminated.  Gemini is a bit of a shit talker, so keep yourself in check. Although if something comes up and bites you in the ass, it probably isn’t something you said very recently.  This moon is for letting things go. Get rid of clutter. Get rid of shitty friends. Get rid of noise in your head (hahaha. I wish!) Simplify.  This is a time of year where we get really insane, but what we really need is  to honor the season and slow down, breathe, take our time, sleep, notice what is beautiful around us. Use this moon to de-clutter your life, your mind, your house, your work space.  Look at your list of projects and see if it needs to be narrowed.  Look at all your lists and see what needs to go.  Then make new lists because Gemini loves that shit heehee.  On the plus side, if you have social plans this weekend, Gemini is great for that.
This appears to be a very Venusian week. I was hoping She’d help us self soothe, but all the aspects to Venus this week are harsh and awkward…like life. It’s not just Venus.  Here’s what I sense is happening.
I feel that we have all leveled up. You can call it ascension if you want.  Collectively we have been evolving…well, some of us. As is evident in society at every level and in every country, not everyone is evolving. But I think so much of what has been unfolding since pumpkin spice hitler took office has triggered us into a wake up call.
Do you remember a time when you were younger that you sort of woke up one day and you didn’t really like your friends anymore? That’s because you changed and they didn’t and you didn’t fit together anymore. It happens. It happens throughout your life. Marriages sometimes grow apart for that same reason. When a society evolves, values change. Old values become incongruent and intolerable. And in case anyone is confused about which group of humans is evolving and which is stagnant and which is devolving…I believe evolution will always move toward inclusion and kindness and acceptance.  If lifeforms evolved in such a way as to embrace violence or isolation, well, we’d all be fucked by now, wouldn’t we?!
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, evolution.
On Monday, after the Full Moon,  we have Mercury square Neptune, so our thinking is all goofy. The Sun quincunxes Vesta, which indicates our ego is in the way of our Purpose. Then the North Node is conjunct Eris. This is the awakening. Eris shakes us by the shoulders and gives us a slap and says “snap out of it!”
Tuesday Venus is opposite the North Node. Venus rules our values, and this aspect indicates our values are not in alignment with our collective Purpose. Our ducks are not in a row. We are in lala land if we think we can continue on this trajectory. You know how in Geometry if an angle is graphed a little bit incorrectly, it will eventually skew everything exponentially (is that right? I’m not a math person)? Or if a space ship is trying to calculate a re-entry point but it’s off by a fraction of a degree, after a thousand miles that fraction of a degree is several degrees and you’re headed for Mars instead of Earth (again, I don’t work for NASA, but shout out to Mrs. Jensen, my High School math teacher)...you get the idea. Our personal values and our trajectory are out of alignment and we are being guided to get it together.
Also on Tuesday the Sun squares Lilith. Our Ego and our Authentic Self are squaring off.
Wednesday the Sun quincunxes Jupiter, which indicates we are yearning for success, growth, expansion.  Most Jupiter aspects are positive. It’s like no matter how you might try to make Jupiter a snarky twat, she’s just ignoring you.  So even though the Sun in this aspect represents the egoic struggle for recognition, this quincunx is still like “yearning is good. Go with that. We’re yearning, we’re yearning, we’re burning for it. Yesss. Yasssss! Yas Queen. Yearn! Burn!”  Ok sorry I got carried away. That’s Jupiter for ya!
Still on Wednesday, Venus opposes Eris. Our need for connection has locked horns with our desire for independence. Can we move past the relationships that don’t feed our soul?
Thursday Venus quincunxes Neptune, which is dreamy and imaginative. But because Venus rules our values, we gotta snap out of this dream world we are trying to live in wherein we keep doing the same shit thinking a new outcome will magically appear.  That same day Mars quincunxes Vesta. Our ambitions and our spiritual Mission are not seeing eye to eye. In fact, they aren’t even in the same room.
Friday Mercury enters Capricorn. Thank goddess, logic and practicality have entered the chat!  In about 2 weeks, this is where Mercury will hunker down and retrograde. Mercury has had enough of our bullshit and has decided that we need to repeat the Capricorn energy lesson, so turn to workbook page 48, and let’s think about if our goals can be achieved without reconsidering some stuff.  We have weekend homework too. Mercury sextiles Saturn, which is great for organizing and staying on task.
Saturday the Sun sextiles Chariklo, which is finally the soothing hug we needed. We will want to lean into Chariklo’s energy as much as possible.
Sunday, Jupiter trines Lilith, so your authentic self is uncensored and unencumbered by Fucks. And Mars quincunxes Jupiter, so you have lots of drive and energy, but you might not know where to put it, which could result in some missteps…like when Venus squares Pluto. Because what’s a Sunday without an argument with your Darling over Brunch? Might I suggest a way to use that excess energy…?

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Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory    Bitchscopes    Bitchsplaining