I would like to change my “returns” policy.

As a professional astrologer, I do try to keep things mostly positive, because I am secretly an optimist. I believe that good things can (and do) come out of even the most horrible life events. But as we all know, life is sometimes just not positive.

 
Sure, every 12 years we get a Jupiter return, and our confidence can be enhanced. But around 30, we get the much touted "Saturn Return". Closer to 40ish we get the "Saturn opposition" and the "Uranus opposition" (the "mid life crisis" transit). Also in our 40's we get a Pluto square and Neptune square. All of those are challenging. But if you're doing it right, you learn a lot about yourself. Until you are just about sick of learning about yourself.

Then just as you're approaching 50 and you think "I'm a badass bitch and look at everything I've been through and how wise I am now. My children are older and I can focus on myself a little bit. My life is pretty stable, at least compared to my 30's and 40's. I think I've got this! I'm gonna cruise into my pre-retirement years like a boss and finally take better care of my skin".

 
And then one day you find yourself eating a pie in your bed and crying while you watch comedy on Netflix. And after you scrape your contact lenses out of your eyes, you look to your chart to see what in the actual fuck is happening and there it is...Chiron. That wounded centaur bastard has made a visit to his natal placement to remind you of your wounds so you can heal them. And voila...you're having a Chiron return.

 
And by "you", I mean ME. ME. I am you. It is happening to me. I am eating tear seasoned bed pie. And I just dropped my fork and it has cat hair on it and whyyyyyyy??!!!

Not the most optimistic transit. Probably requires pie.

 
I am sick of "returns". Nope, thanks guys, I'm good. You can just stay away. No need to visit. I'm closed. Bye. Go on Sabbatical or hiatus or vacation or something. Just skip me, it's fine. Really. No need to return. I probably understood it the first time.

 
Sigh. Nope. The centaur just handed me a napkin and a clean fork for my pie...

Love, war, and the sacred wound - BitchScopes for April 4-11

Interesting week, by the looks of it. We have sharp minds & fluffy hearts, but we may be introspective or reminiscing, digging up old stuff that hurt us. Romantic partners may offer a source of support for some.  For you unpartnered bitches, there is quite a bit of romance available thanks to Venus in floaty, sentimental, sensitive Pisces.

It doesn’t feel like a great week at the office for most of us (there are exceptions). There’s some chaos and some butt-hurt-ed-ness, as well as some bitterness possible. All of this comes to the surface for no greater purpose than healing, but that is not usually like a day at the spa. You know how it goes.
We are motivated by this hurt though, and that’s positive, even if in the moment it may not feel like it. You may be ready to polish up your resume and get the hell out, or you may realize you’ve overlooked some benefits due to your tendency to sabotage when wounded.

Eris, Lilith and Mars are all present this week. Not to be outdone, even though her transit is overlooked, is Pallas. Pallas and Mercury together can be genius, and in some cases, that genius may be used to win a war. Eris and Lilith are present to make sure the underdog, the under represented, the oppressed, are strongly represented. They will poke the bear and confront inequality. I can’t help but think of Ukraine when writing this. I use the phrase “poke the bear” somewhat regularly, but it is interesting in this context because the bear is often the symbol of Russia. A Russian fuel depot was bombed at the end of last week, and Ukraine has been credited with it. I think they are denying it, but this would be one of the first strong offensive moves from Ukraine, who up to now has mostly been defending itself. News also reports that have regained Kyiv, but it is far from over, unfortunately.
In our personal lives, Eris and Lilith can make us pretty confrontational as well, so it is something to be aware of. If you want to figuratively bomb the fuel depot, do it intentionally and not because your impulses got away from you.

Happy April. Happy Springtime. Ramadan Mubarak. Carpe Diem. Etcetera.



Monday 4 April
Mars conjunct Saturn - Driven, maybe angry

Tuesday 5 April
Venus enters Pisces - sensitive and dreamy
Juno square North Node - partnership at odds with progress
Mars square north and south Nodes - lessons from the past motivate you

Wednesday 6 April
Mercury conjunct Pallas - brilliant and possibly dangerously so

Thursday 7 April
Chiron sextile Vesta - identify what hurts; healing through devotion to something
Mercury sextile Saturn - sharp thinking
Mars sextile Eris - Confrontational and willful

Friday 8 April
Uranus square Vesta - chaos at work
Mercury sextile Mars - quick thinking and reflexes; driven
Mercury conjunct Eris - gives voice to the oppressed
Jupiter sextile True Node - good luck & optimism

Saturday 9 April
Mercury sextile Juno - easy expression with partner

Sunday 10 April
Mars conjunct Juno - focused/passionate partnerships
Mercury sextile Lilith - unresolved anger/digging up the past
Mercury square Pluto - intense thoughts and communication
Mercury enters Taurus - introspective and practical

Monday 11 April
Saturn square North Node - restricted by obligations

ARIES - You may be feeling a bit more private about your affections and wanting to shield your current sensitivity from the world. You intuition is being activated by Venus transiting you 12th house, so you gut instincts will be spot on. You can do some great budgeting or financial planning under the current transits. But do give yourself the solitude you crave; sink into the softer and cushier side of yourself and of life.


TAURUS - You may find yourself speaking up about things you have been thinking about. The timing is great for this, because Mercury in your sign is giving your words practicality and weight. Friends and friendships become a focus for you while Venus is in Pisces, and this could even lead to romance. A friend might introduce you to someone, or someone you’ve been just friends with may express wanting something more. ooooooo.


GEMINI - That busy Gemini mind may be keeping its ideas to itself for a few weeks as Mercury transits your 12th house of solitude. You might crave more privacy. However, you might discover your boss or co workers treating you or reacting to you differently, and no, there’s nothing on your face. Venus in Pisces transiting your 10th house makes you a charming AF co-worker. Your professional creativity can see a real boost at this time as well.


CANCER - Your thoughts and ideas may be more focused on your personal goals and big dreams during Mercury’s transit of your 11th house. You might find yourself wanting to spice up your love life with something exotic, or if you’re single, with someone exotic. Oooooo. Alternatively, you may crave a little adventure as Venus dances through your 9th house. If you have the ability to scamper off to an art museum or take a little trip to someplace that feels sexy, do it.


LEO - You have a cool few weeks ahead with Mercury in your 10th house and Venus in your 8th. You can capitalize on your substantial creative reservoir to benefit your career, and Venus may help you win some financial gains, either by a reduction in debt, or by money you have access to through a partnership. These 2 transits work beautifully together to give you a boost in both houses. Don’t sleep on it.


VIRGO - Did you ever just flip through the encyclopedia when you were a kid? If you’re around my age, I know you did. That curiosity and hunger for knowledge and grand ideas will be ignited while Mercury in Taurus transits your 9th house. You can be a great conversationalist at this time as well, so if you feel like mingling…do it! If you are already coupled, your attention is likely going to be squarely on your partner and your relationship. Sounds like a lovely time to me!


LIBRA - Well, not only is it a lovely day at the office, but you’re intuitive skills are on point. Venus is what is beautifying your immediate environment and the people or things you serve in it (it need not be “work” or “job”, per se. It is also your body, your wellness, and also your pets.). Mercury is going deep while it transits your 8th house, making you insightful, intuitive and deeply introspective. You may also feel more curious about taboo stuff, esoteric stuff, and oh, astrology. Overall, it looks like things are smoothing out for you (and your pets).


SCORPIO - Oh, Venus in your 5th house is fun and sexy! You are expressive, charming and romantic. And THEN, Mercury is in your 7th house of relationships. Your communication with those closest and dearest to you will be very good. You will be very mentally focused on creating balance and harmony. If there are any issues in your current partnership, this is a time that you might find some resolution.


SAGITTARIUS - You have a lovely few weeks ahead of you. Mercury in Taurus is transiting your 6th house, which Mercury naturally rules, and Venus in Pisces is in fellow water sign 4th house. You may feel pretty sensitive and maybe a little needier than usual if you are in a relationship. Your sense of security could need reassurance. Mercury will give you great focus and organizational skills.


CAPRICORN - Your creative expression will benefit from the transit of Mercury though your 5th house. You may be more mentally focused on, and communicating more with your children. You may not be as focused as you usually are, but that’s balance for ya. Let your mind have some fun. Meanwhile, Venus may increase your chattiness and desire to socialize and vocalize. Intellectual conversations are more interesting to you than small talk, but overall there’s a lot of charm to these transits for you.


AQUARIUS - Your sense of security will be highlighted, and likely comforted by Venus’ transit through your 2nd house, which is ruled by Taurus. This is associated with buying new things, and an increased need for comfort. Your finances may even see a boost with Venus in that house. Mercury in Taurus will be in the 4th house, which rules the home and family, so there will be a lot of focus around those issues. Funny story: I am an Aquarius, and we started the process of looking for a home last week, long before I wrote this or looked at the transits. We will be moving during these transits! (I would love the universe to rain down some money because moving is expensive. ack!) I’ve been ordering decorating stuff, because I love decorating…and also because… Taurus!


PISCES - Even though the sun has left your sign, you have some really favorable transits right now. Mercury in Taurus is transiting the 3rd house, which it naturally rules. Your communication will be practical and your mind will be busy. Venus in your sign means you should be feeling more social, charming and friendly. You may also feel like pampering yourself and it will be hard to deny yourself the little luxuries you desire. No one else is likely to tell you no either, so get your groove on!

Words Matter - BitchScopes for 3/28 - 4/4

This appears to be a very sensitive week we have coming up. The highlight is the New Moon in Aries, which is potent for starting new projects and taking action on things. But Chiron is ever-present this week, reminding us of where it hurts. Our reaction to the stimuli can vary from deep self nurturing to hostility. That means you might withdraw, or you might lash out…and it means others may withdraw from or lash out at you as well. Committed relationships are likely to lean in to each other, whereas competitors may really “poke the bear”.

Speaking of the bear…

Biden has been in Ukraine, visiting with some of the millions of refugees. In Putin’s chart, this new moon occurs in his 6th house, whereas it occurs in Zelensky’s 11th house. The 11th house transit is a very optimistic one which can rally hope and new support from his allies. Putin is having to work much harder than he anticipated. Out of curiosity I googled “Putin’s physical health”, becaue the 6th house rules health, wellness, sickness etc. etc. I always assume I’m just a dumbass who is looking for dots to connect. But it seems I am not the only one who has been talking about his health. There are “rumors” that he has cancer and has been undergoing treatment for it. Some say he rushed into this invasion because of a health crisis. There is speculation about dementia, parkinsons, and even “roid rage” (steroids used for treating something, maybe cancer, are making him ragey). Parkinson's rumors began as early as late 2020 and resurfaced in September of last year. The full moon later in April will be in his 12th house. The 12th house rules hospitals and other types of isolation; he may start to truly feel cut off and isolated. It could be a difficult time for his mental health. And some of his secrets may be revealed at that time as well. So Idanno. You can throw a rock and hit an astrologer who is making predictions, but I found it very intriguing and had to share it somewhere!

Anyway, back to our personal journeys…

So we could feel defensive this week, or maybe even offensive and aggressive. One thing seems certain, there is a strong theme of wounding and healing. Aries is the sign of the warrior, and Chiron is the wounded healer. There will be triggers, and there will be nurturing. Sometimes it may all come from the same “hand”.

The Sun, moon, Chiron and Mercury are in charge of this New Moon gathering. Our thoughts and communication should be pretty clear, so we can communicate effectively and be productive if we want to be. Words are important in this new moon. So if you do moon rituals, spoken and written words should definitely be used. Be conscious of how you use your words and what you say to others, as well to yourself. Words can be weapons, or peace offerings.

Watch what happens on Wednesday when Venus sextiles Eris. I think we will be hearing more from Judge Katanji Brown Jackson, who has been a pillar of composure and eloquence. I also think there will be a significant event around Trans, abortion and/or women’s rights this week. The NAACP has already made statements about the treatment of Brown Jackson during the Senate confirmation hearings last week. It is hard to predict what a significant event looks like anymore, because it feels like every single thing is significant. And that is actually true. The US, and the world, are being reshaped. Pluto is doing what Pluto does, and will continue to hold feet to the fire until the impurities are purged. But living in these damn historical significant times also means that sensitive people feel overwhelmed. I do think it is important to stay tuned in to the world, but do so at your own pace.

Words matter, but sometimes silence is needed.

Here’s a playlist I put together for you to navigate the space in between.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0AfPBss8BQiRra3g453r9L?si=5e1485c89eef464b



Monday 28 March

• Chiron sextile Ceres - nurturing and healing are interconnected
• Venus conjunct Juno - attraction and harmony in relationships
• Venus conjunct Saturn - difficulty expressing love; feeling of isolation
• Neptune sextile North Node - imagination and intuition are boosted and may guide you toward your higher calling

Tuesday 29 March


Wednesday 30 March

• Venus square North & South Nodes - this is a choice-point about our values and our purpose. We can stay in the current, which (is very magnetizing) needs to be completed, or we can move toward the somewhat unknown and our higher goals
• Venus sextile Eris - this is a fundamentally feminist vibe. Confidence is high… outrage at anything disrespectful is also high

Thursday 31 March
On the West coast, the new moon occurs at 11:24pm

Friday 1 April

• New Moon in Aries 11° - conjuncts Mercury and Chiron, and there is a strong theme of wounding and healing
• Sun conjunct Chiron - repressed anger or wounds can cause an outward reaction to someone rubbing you the wrong way.

Saturday 2 April

• Sun conjunct Mercury - focused thoughts and communication
• Mercury conjunct Chiron - thoughts and words can offer either wounding or healing

Sunday 3 April

Monday 4 April

• Mars conjunct Saturn - tension is a strong possibility. You can either get mad, or get busy on your goals. It may be a combination of both, and you may feel a bit overwhelmed and resentful of obligations.

ARIES - There’s quite a collection of energy in your 1st house right now. You are empowered to do your favorite thing: DO. Do things. Do it. Do do do do. You can get a lot of accomplished during this time. And we can’t overlook that new moon in your sign. This is a great time for you to start a new project! You may have a financial choice of some kind this week. It could be a choice of jobs, a choice of bank lenders, or a choice between which bills to pay. I probably don’t have to tell you this but I’m going to: always pay yourself first…use that as a guideline

TAURUS - You may hit a snag on your career path. If you have any control, consider postponing any sort of pitch or big meeting until at least next week. It isn’t that the meeting or plan is doomed, it is more a matter of your energy being strong and ready. You may feel a choice coming between remaining in partnership or going ahead solo. This could be romantic, but it could also relate to business. For the new moon, consider a mini retreat or some deep meditation. Look for answers to questions that come up now when the moon is full.

GEMINI - You may find yourself seeking deeper answers and reassessing your beliefs and your purpose. It isn’t really a question of being of use, it's a question of how you can be of use. Venus squaring the nodes falls on your 6/12 axis. The 6/12 house axis concerns opposites (like all axes): physical/psychological, embodied/ethereal, work/service. Some people thrive on manual labor, others thrive in spiritual “work”. It is clear in your chart that a group of like minded people is what you need to move ahead

CANCER - It's not a great week to refinance or to try to consolidate credit card debt. But it is a good week to exercise creativity in a big way. You may find your creativity being used in a way you hadn’t considered, such as a conversation where you have to be careful what you say. Conversations at work are likely to be delicate and nuanced, so try to keep your eye on the ball.

LEO - You might be feeling the strain between work and home. It’s a delicate balance that you’ll have to strike, and work might win temporarily. Make sure you are at your best at home to make up for the time away. This new moon opens a new spiritual chapter for you, so you may begin a process of leveling up. Watch for ascension symptoms to confirm this. It can be energetically draining at times, so be a good steward of our own energy.

VIRGO - Hard work is the order of the week (probably not anything new for you), so do what you need to do to meet the deadline and get “it” done. You may encounter some dissonance within yourself about the path you are on. Some information could pop up that makes you reconsider where you’re headed. It is NOT too late to change course or direction, even though the idea might seem crazy.

LIBRA - Taking a more conservative approach will benefit you in big ways down the road. This might refer to a number of things, but money is still a big theme for you, and will continue to be for a while. Things should be stabilizing. The new moon in your 7th house will help that stability, as it will either bring new relationship opportunities, or a leveling up of the one you’re in currently. The future looks bright, just keep your chill for a bit longer.

SCORPIO - The choice you have at the moment regards choosing yourself or your “other”. Choosing yourself does not always indicate selfishness. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first before we can take care of others. If there is an option for a job or career change, pick the option that feels like home, takes you home, brings it home, keeps you close to home…something like that. You’ll know it when you see it!

SAGITTARIUS - Progress over perfection is your mantra this week. Unusual or non traditional communication might lead to the breakthrough you need. It might seem to barely move the needle at first, but have faith. You may have to choose between something physical and something spiritual… practical vs esoteric, real vs imagined. Choose the option that makes you feel a tickle of joy when you think about it.

CAPRICORN - Finances look like they are on the upswing for you. This is a skill that not everyone has, so use it to your advantage, or just to make yourself happy. If spreadsheets and stock options make you happy, more power to ya! The new moon is in your 4th house of home. But rather than do the cappy thing and replace all the light bulbs and shower caulking, buy some new dishes or lamps or something pretty that is also utilitarian. It's a new chapter in your home and family…buy a new chair to fall into with satisfaction at the end of a hard day’s work.

AQUARIUS - Venus is in your 1st house, so now IS the time to get your hair done or make a change in your appearance. Maybe even take a short trip somewhere enjoyable. The new moon kicks off what looks to be a busy few weeks for you. Your energy may be equally divided between family and work, but there’s a strong possibility you are able to choose family for the first time in a long time.

PISCES - The struggle is real at the beginning of the week, or at least, it feels real. But what is “real”, really? Ha. The struggle is only as real as you make it. A change in how you view a task or job might make the difference between “this is hard” or “I’m in the flow!” The new moon sets up a new cycle for finances and income for you. If you are making a choice between old and new, what you know and what you don’t know, the reward is likely to be in the new and unknown.