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Monday, January 8, 2024

Bitchstrology for the week of January 8th - New Moon in Cap!

Horoscopes by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch


Hello again magical bitches! My brain is overwhelmed with astrology so I’ll skip the small talk this week.

The highlight of this week is the New Moon in Capricorn. But before I dive into that, I want to touch on some other things I see.

There’s a definite theme of “Mission” and “Soul Purpose” in the undercurrents of this week’s astrology. Not only is Vesta pretty active this week, there’s also several aspects to the North Node of fate.  Vesta brought all her goddess friends too.  In addition to some aspects to each other, the Sun aspects Vesta, Eris, Pallas and Juno…and when the Sun makes an aspect, it’s a big deal. The goddesses almost seem to be getting a blessing from the Sun. Not all of those aspects are easy ones, so the goddesses have to make some corrections to their plans before launching them.  Venus is prominent again this week, suggesting that we are evaluating our values, as well as our innate value.

Monday Venus sextiles Chariklo, which gives us diplomacy skills. Mercury squares Neptune and Neptune squares Vesta, so there is general confusion, and confusion about “the mission”.  Mercury is opposite Vesta, suggesting there might be a fork in the road. Pallas quincunxes the North Node. Pallas is skilled, strategic, genius, and focused. The North Node is our “destiny” (which is a heavy word, but I do believe we have free will in how we get there.) But a quincunx means an adjustment is needed. We must deal with our shadows and insecurities before we set off on our quest.

Ok so that’s Monday. Yeah, it’s a busy week…

Tuesday the Sun trines Uranus and Mars sextiles Saturn.  The former is about free expression of our uniqueness. The latter is drive and determination, as well as perseverance.

Wednesday the Sun squares the North Node, suggesting that there are obstacles on the path to success and we might be a little complacent and resistant to the changes needed to move ahead.  (UGH!)

Thursday Venus trines Chiron, indicating that love heals and needs to be healed. Our girl Eris stations direct, but I don’t really find Eris’s orbit super meaningful. In this case I feel like she’s rallying the girls together to discuss the “mission”.  Watch out world. I think something is coming.

The New Moon is also on Thursday.  This is the first New Moon of the year and sets the tone to some degree.  She’s in Capricorn at 20°.  We can utilize this energy to create structure and firm foundations so we can get shit done.  Set ambitious intentions and work on manifesting things you want to work with long term. Capricorn is committed.  Your action is also required, as this is Capricorn, ruled by taskmaster Saturn.  You can manifest all day long but you have to take some small steps in the right direction.  The New Moon is trine Uranus, so expect the unexpected.  She’s also sextile Pallas, trine Juno, square Eris, and quincunx Vesta. This is such a power meeting of the goddesses! They obviously don’t all agree, but that’s why they are coming together - to get on the same page.  Something significant is going on with womanhood, which is obvious AF in the United States, as well as Iran, and let’s face it, everywhere! The Rise of the Feminine is not finished!

Friday the goddesses make several aspects to each other and Mars trines Jupiter, which gives us a competitive drive.  The Sun trines Juno and sextiles Pallas. The former gives us freer expression within our relationships and the latter gives us a channel to use our talents for social change!

Saturday Mercury re-enters Capricorn, post retrograde. Communication and ideas can really gain footing and move forward now. Vesta also sextiles Eris, indicating they are aligning more on how to achieve the mission.

Sunday Venus trines the North Node, and this is interesting because it indicates that others can recognize your talents and potential.  It’s one thing for us to know ourselves. It’s another level of empowerment when other people validate us.  Venus also quincunxes Uranus and this is a vibe of not wanting to be too entangled with other people’s energy but finding it somewhat unavoidable…ring ring…your calling is calling.  Finally the Sun quincunxes Vesta and squares Eris. The former indicates your ego is in the way of fully being on your path. The latter is a catalyst for change. Embrace the disruptive energy. Use the tension and discomfort of the square to solve the problem. The Sun is only square to Eris twice a year, once at 22° of Capricorn and again at 22° of Cancer.  In Cap, these disruptions affect our public persona, identity and the structures confining us as women.  In Cancer, she asks us to question our roles as mothers.

This week she is really stirring things up, and bringing all her badass girls with her to the party.  As we set our intentions for this Capricorn New Moon, let’s envision a foundation that is not built on repression, alienation, judgement, and control, but one of empowerment, equality, and acceptance.  Imagine a world where we reminded each other of our strengths instead of stepping on each other’s heads to get up the ladder.  It does sound a little pie-in-the-sky, but that's because we are so drenched in the sludge of the  toxic, hyper- masculine patriarchy that we have forgotten anything else. Dare to dream! No matter your gender, surround yourself with strong, confident feminine energy and see what happens. Pick a goddess and study her this week, or maybe all year. It is amazingly inspirational and empowering.

I think I will build on last week’s “word for the year”.  As I read them in order, it almost feels like a life story. Check this out and see if it doesn’t make you think of life cycles: destiny, experiment, potential, quiet, independent, explore, adventure, connection, develop, liberation, renaissance, prioritize.  To me it feels like this, and I didn’t intend this: you’re born, you’re a toddler trying everything, you’re a grade schooler where you really start to show your stuff, you’re a teen in your room 20 hours a day, you go to college, you’re now an adult with the freedom to do what you want, now you have responsibilities (ain’t that an adventure?!), then you meet your people &, maybe find love, you develop a relationship with yourself and others, you learn how to heal and free yourself from some of your wounds (your 40’s?), you rediscover yourself (your 50’s?), then you get your shit in order (maybe lather,rinse, repeat). Wow. unintended profundity!

I’m going to build on that, and I’m also feeling really called to work with the “dark” feminine this week so I may include a goddess as part of this week’s scopes, with a focus on the New Moon in Capricorn as our ever practical and grounded guide for the year…




Sunday, December 31, 2023

Bitchstrology for the first week of 2024


Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch

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Well Happy New Year all my darling Bitches, Bitchsters, and Bitchtresses!  

I always find it interesting that January 1 is such a big deal. The Zodiacal new year would be when the Sun enters Aries on March 21st (the Spring Equinox). It’s kinda weird that we just decided that the transition from December to January would be this big deal, and is somehow vastly different than any other monthly transition. Idanno, but we all bought into it so here we are with all the new year, new you bullshit.  Look, I’m the same me, I’m just more tired than the me last week.


Maybe it’s because I’m an Aquarius, but I’ve always hated goal setting, quotas, resolutions, and the like.  It definitely feels very rules-y, and me no likey the constriction of it. But I have this glorious Capricorn stellium and many people actually tell me I come across very much like a Capricorn. I guess my Gemini rising comes across somewhat. But Gemini is really very misunderstood much of the time. What you’re reading right now is my Gemini. My wit is Gemini. But she’s not a very social Gemini at all. I am an enigma, yay!

Anyway, I hate resolutions. Maybe because they so often revolve around weight loss, which is a culture I simply cannot get down with. It's very toxic and too many people I know are fixated on it.  My early teens I was very obsessed with calories and thigh gaps, like many young girls. But that developed into some dangerous habits, so I’ve been all about body liberation for decades now. 

Why did I go off on this tangent? Idanno but I’ll let it stay. Point is here we are in the New Year with all of its expectations and pressures and I encourage you to check yourself in that regard.  Set intentions for how you want to FEEL this year. Write down things you want to accomplish this year that are less about your weight and how you look and more about personal growth, mental health, and finding joy!

Ok so back to the astrology! This is not a bad week...although there are several squares and a quincunx that can create some tension. But both of those aspects are good at inspiring us to problem solve and adjust our positions on things. It’s a week of confronting things within ourselves, for sure.

We kick it off with Mercury stationing direct and we are all so thrilled about that! I have had all kinds of electrical issues this round, and a bitch is tired of visiting the electrical panel on the side of the house!  Also on Monday Venus squares Saturn.  Venus is a bit of a main character this week.  This square to Saturn is a challenge that can bring up insecurities and tensions.  Venus is in Sagittarius where she just wants to have fun and Saturn is in Pisces taking itself and its morals a bit too seriously. Take me to church, babe, but not in that way!

On Wednesday Venus quincunxes Jupiter, which indicates that our ideals might be out of reach or unrealistic.   This might also highlight an imbalance in your giving and receiving of either love or money (or both?).

Thursday is my favorite day this week, because Mars enters Capricorn. Mars is very happy and productive in this sign, and he gains a bit more patience in this placement. Mars in Cap is ambitious, strategic, and  focused.  This empowers him a great deal so take advantage of this energy over the next few weeks and go after what you want. No, really…do!

Saturday the Sun squares Chiron, which can bring up insecurities that we need to confront.

And then Sunday, Venus squares Lilith. You can feel emboldened and inspired by your desire for freedom. The friction here is a motivator. Where are you repressed? Are you doing it to yourself or is someone else? Where do you feel unsatisfied about having your desires met? Who is responsible for that?  Confronting these issues will liberate you and enable you to express yourself more authentically, especially in love.


While we have some inner work to do, let’s not go ape shit (as my mom would say).  Take it easy. Let’s start the year off soft. Let’s start this make believe transition off with kindness to ourselves. Let’s recognize our own beauty and power and honor it.  There are plenty of transits  this year to freak out about and panic about the shifts.  Let’s do this one with grace and ease!  Cheers!





Monday, December 25, 2023

Ho Ho and Happy Effing New Year! BitchStrology for 12/25/23-1/1/24!!

Happy holidays bitches!  I hope it was Merry and Bright. Mine was OK. You know how I feel about holidays.

However - Happy Kwanzaa to those that celebrate it! If you like to do some shopping after Christmas, look for black and female owned businesses this week.

This week we celebrate the New Year, roll up our hopes and dreams and wishes (and ballots) and stroll into 2024 with fingers crossed.

There are a few big things happening this week in addition to the New Year, and the day-after-Xmas sales…

We have a full moon in Cancer, 3 planets stationing direct, and Venus enters Sagittarius.  That’s just the major stuff, which is probably all I will cover this week- so let’s do it.

Tuesday is the Full Moon. She’s at 4° of Cancer at 4:33pm Pacific. This is a great opportunity to release emotional burdens at the end of the year.  This moon conjunct Sirius, which is said to be our spiritual Sun, and sextiles Jupiter, creating an expansive flow of emotions. Sirius can beam psychic insights to us via this Full Moon.  Emotions can feel harsh and overwhelming at this time, so give yourself space and grace to feel and deal! Also on Tuesday, Chiron stations direct. Chiron has a wonky orbit so he’s retrograde often. The Moon will square Chiron, and this could bring up wounds, insecurities and guilt. WHAT? At the holidays?! You don’t say! Girl, yes! The Moon will also: trine Saturn (much needed stability for this Full Moon!), sextile Lilith (emotionally edgy), quincunx Chariklo and Ceres (challenged with compassion), and trine Pallas (enhanced intuition). Yeah that’s alot.  But you can see the theme around emotions.

Wednesday the Sun trines Jupiter, giving us access to luck and a sense of vitality. Mercury (still retrograde) will conjunct Mars, making us more decisive and analytical. Mercury will also square Neptune (confusion) and trine Eris (thinking outside the box). Mars also trines Eris (motivated and inspired).

Thursday Mars squares Neptune, which is not awesome. This can bring guilt, paranoia, and just general blah feelings. Venus will help though! First she sextiles Pluto, giving us passion, and then she enters Sagittarius, giving us a sense of optimism and adventure with love and money.  I would try to keep your risk-taking to a reasonable level, because I’m a Capricorn, and also because Mercury is still retrograde in Capricorn. Practicality is Queen for the moment.

Saturday the ruling planet of Sagittarius, Jupiter, goes direct after it’s annual backwards trot.  Progress is easier to find after this.  And then, everyone’s favorite news, on Monday January 1, 2024, Mercury goes Direct! Huzzah!  Mercury started it’s retrograde at 8° of Cap on December 13th.  He stations direct at 22° of Sagittarius, and will move forward, returning to all those points he backed over, and zooming back into Capricorn. The shadow period ends on my birthday, January 20th. *hair toss*  If your Venus is really craving some excitement after you’ve behaved, she will still be in Sagittarius for 3 days after Mercury is clear of the shadow. So January 20-23, your wild ass can go after whatever you want.

Happy New Year. In 2024, let’s build communes and take over the world!


Email me: kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Get a personal reading with me: 12Listen Call Scheduler

BitchScopes (horoscopes) by Sign available here: Patreon.com/houseofbleep

Podcasts:  Bitchstory Bitchscopes Bitchsplaining

Instagram: instagram.com/kellymcbitch

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bitchstrology