Mercury goes direct, Huzzah! BitchScopes for May 8-15

Howdy-do, Bitches and Bitchsters! We survived another eclipse, huzzah!

The chart of the skies this week is packed with Taurus energy: The Sun, North Node, Uranus, and Mercury are all in Taurus. Venus and Mars are both in Cancer. Mars is far ahead of Venus in degrees, but having them both in the same nurturing sign puts the masculine and feminine energy on the same page. But the big news is that Mercury stations direct this week! Huzzah! That happens on Sunday the 14th. And while even I, the covert optimist, are happy to be done with that nonsense, be forewarned - the day that Mercury stations either retrograde or direct is usually the day with the most fuckery.

This has been a classic Mercury retrograde for me. We’ve had oddball car behavior, wifi strangeness, bad phone connections for no reason, and things like that. I have been having some super fucking weird dreams, which is unusual for me (Mercury is retrograding in my 12th house). I usually don’t recall my dreams at all, which is how I prefer it because they just bother me a lot. When I do dream, it is like a Pink Floyd video directed by Jordan Peele (the man who gave us “Us”, “Nope” etc.). Aaaanyway, I’m just as glad as you all are that this round is ending. Mercury will still be in his shadow until June 2nd, but honestly, by May 22, things should feel a lot more “normal”...whatever the hell that is!

Our work week starts and ends with a "no pants day" (aka a day with no major transits), which is a nice, unencumbered vibe. 

This week I will be focusing on that conglomeration of Taurus in each chart, because what choice do I have? Haha. Taurus has a reputation for stubbornness which is rightfully earned. This makes them hard workers when they are properly motivated, but Taurus is also very sensual and comfort oriented. Let’s soothe ourselves with the finest tea and the softest blanket and the smelliest candle. Let’s get a massage and cook a gourmet meal and listen to opera and then nosh on expensive chocolates!

Oh wait… there is also a smattering of Saturn this week, with aspects to Mercury, Venus and Juno. Relationships can benefit from good judgement, steadfast loyalty, and a sense of responsibility even in conflict.

Mars does also square his sister Eris this week, which is a passionate hunger for power and recognition (think dysfunctional sibling rivalry on PCP). The plus side of this is that Mars will absolutely bulldoze anything that stands in his way. He isn’t bulldozing Eris, per se. Eris is in Aries, the sign that Mars rules. They have the same desires for themselves, and possibly bring out the fire in each other. Depending on your chart, you might have to keep an eye on yourself to avoid behavior that is ultimately self destructive.

Next Monday the 15th, Mars is trine Neptune. This is a yummy little transit that is sexy and sensitive. Also next Monday - Jupiter changes signs. This only happens once a year and it’s always exciting because it brings a sense of good luck and expansion to wherever he lands. More on that next week…

Ok now, back to our blankies and fine chocolates…

ARIES - Taurus piles up in your 2nd house of income, which Taurus naturally rules. You should be in a good financial flow unless your 8th house is pulling toward that side with debt. But even if it is, there is enough energy in your earnings house to get things going in the right direction for you. Saturn in Pisces is in your 12th house, so you might be feeling more serious about your spiritual practices or routines. This is not natural placement for Saturn at all, so there may be some awkwardness involved in getting your beliefs or shadow work dialed in. Neptune is also in that house, which is his domain, and from there he trines Mars in Cancer in your 4th house. Peace in yourself and peace within your family life are intrinsically connected, and this week, it will show.



TAURUS - You should be feeling pretty good about yourself these days, although you might need to watch for a bit of apathy or complacency. You still gotta work for what you want. Saturn is in your 11th house of friends and future dreams, which is good because it can offset any laziness you might fall prey to. Neptune is also in that 11th house, enhancing your thoughts and desires for your future with a dreamy and idealistic quality. He is trining Mars, who is in your 3rd house of communication. So if you have a paper to write or a sales pitch to present, you’ll have the poetic charisma to impress many.



GEMINI - All this Taurus energy piles up in the closet of your 12th house, where everything is nebulous and “weird”. Pay attention to your dreams, and face issues from your past with compassion for yourself. The healing that takes place these days is really significant for your progression. Saturn is in your 10th house of career and public image, making you determined and serious about professional goals. Neptune is also in that 10th house, giving an artsy vibe to those dreams. Neptune trines Mars who is in your 2nd house of money you earn…so those artsy dreams are definitely worth pursuing and have the potential to create income!



CANCER - Taurus is packing your 11th house of friends and people you know. So you probably find yourself pretty busy networking these days. Saturn is in your 9th house of beliefs and expansion. You might be seriously considering a move or long term trip overseas, or digging into your formal educational experiences (aka school). From that 9th house of expansion, Neptune trines Mars in your 1st house. Opportunities for personal growth can present themselves during this period of time, especially from overseas, in a teaching position, or in regards to your belief systems.




LEO - Your career continues to be the topic du jour, and Taurus in your 10th house indicates that there is positive money flow happening for you either now or in the near future. You aren’t going to make the wrong choice. I don’t think you can make the wrong choice. Saturn in Pisces in your 8th house looks like you have good support from others, whether it is your partner, or financial backers. Neptune is also in that 8th house, so don’t underestimate the power of your intuition and psychic powers at this time. Further to that, Neptune will trine Mars in Cancer in your 12th house. You absolutely have loved ones and ancestors on the other side to guide you right now. You always have that, but it is particularly emphasized right now!




VIRGO - Whether you are in school or not, you are in a time of learning and expansion. Your 9th house is packed full of Taurus. Rather than book knowledge, this feels like experiential knowledge from things you touch, taste, see, etc. That sounds a lot like travel to me, but it does depend on your chart. With Saturn in Pisces in your 7th house, you are definitely either in the process of formalizing a relationship, or getting ready to experience a deeper level of seriousness with a partner (either love or business). Neptune is also in that 7th house, creating romance and/or artsy-ness. Neptune trines Mars who is in your 11th house of dreams for the future. Artistic and sensitive endeavors are really blessed at this time, and you’ll find the right people to make your dreams for the future come true.



LIBRA - Your 8th house of intimacy and joint resources is standing room only right now. You have the support of “others”, either financial or emotional (or both!). Saturn in Pisces makes artistic and emotional pursuits have stronger footing than we are accustomed to. Saturn is in your 6th house of health, routine, and day to day work. There’s a psychic enhancement to finding job and health security right now. Mars in Cancer is usually a placement associated with good money. Mars will trine Neptune, creating a perfect flow between your “routines” and your “career” houses, and all of this looks really good!



SCORPIO - I hope you’re soaking up the sexy Taurus vibes that are brimming over in your 7th house! If you’re in a relationship, you should be benefitting from these energies and feeling more connected overall. If you’re single and/or career focused, partnerships and work relationships will benefit from the Taurean determination and loyalty. Saturn and Neptune are both in your 5th house, giving joy and creativity a sense of importance and meaning. Connection to children should also be very good right now. Neptune will trine Mars, who is in your 9th house giving you a desire for experience and maybe travel. The trine between the 5th house and 9th house pretty much screams “let’s have an adventure”!



SAGITTARIUS - Your 6th house is full of Taurus energy right now, indicating a week or so of hustle and grind. The 6th house also rules physical health, and Taurus is a very body oriented sign. This is a good time to work on good habits for yourself, or to pay attention to anything that doesn’t feel quite right. Saturn in Pisces is in your 4th house, so there’s a focus and sensitivity around home and family right now. Neptune is also in that house, and it’s likely that if you’re already a sensitive person or an empath, you probably will feel very connected to your family and roots. Neptune will trine Mars, who is in your 8th house, feeling very ambitious and passionate. Use your intuition to sense the way forward and you’ll make great strides in this period of time!



CAPRICORN - you have Taurus in the 5th house brimming over right now. This is a recipe for romance and flirting, but also of creativity, particularly of artistic projects that involve the senses. Creative expression (and children or child like energy) will be emphasized as long as this conglomeration of Taurus is hanging out in that area of your chart. Saturn is in your 3rd house giving a lot of emphasis to communication, ideas, expression and learning. Neptune is also there, adding creativity to the mix. Neptune will trine Mars, who is in your 7th house currently. So all in all, there is a strong emphasis on personal and family relationships.



AQUARIUS - Home and family is one of the strongest themes for you right now. The Taurus pile up happens in your 4th house. Caring for loved ones, decorating your house, providing comfort, and material well being for your family are emphasized as long as this clump (or should I say “herd”?) of Taurus sits there. Good news - Saturn in Pisces in your 2nd house can create income from artistic pursuits. Neptune is also there, adding more artsy and creative vibes. Mars in Cancer is in your 6th house of work, but this combination of energies is well suited to working for yourself, which we all know is your preference! Neptune will trine Mars, creating a natural flow between your work routine and tasks and making money!



PISCES - The pile up of Taurus in your 3rd house gives a very practical and rational approach to your thinking and decision making. Even though some of this energy will break up a little, the North Node remains there until mid summer, and Uranus will be there for a few more years. Your thinking will be fast, and may not be understood by everyone. But there’s a lot of potential for genius-like breakthroughs for a long time to come. Saturn and Neptune are both in your 1st house creating both a seriousness and sense of responsibility, and a creative, sensitive and artistic flair. Lots of personal growth will happen over the next few years. Mars is in Cancer in the creative and joyful 5th house, and he just wants to have fu-uhn. Mars is very proud here as well, for better or worse. Neptune will trine Mars and give you a sense of pride and regal-ness and enhance your creative energy.

PLANETS THIS WEEK

SUN - Taurus
MERCURY  - Taurus (Direct this week)
VENUS - Cancer
MARS - Cancer
JUPITER - Aries
SATURN - Pisces
URANUS - Taurus
NEPTUNE - Pisces
PLUTO - Aquarius (Rx)
CHIRON - Aries
CHARIKLO - Aquarius
CHAOS - Gemini 
N. NODE - Taurus
CERES - Virgo (Rx)
PALLAS - Leo
JUNO - Gemini
VESTA - Taurus
LILITH - Leo
ERIS - Aries
SIRIUS- Cancer (fixed)

TRANSITS AND ASPECTS THIS WEEK

Monday 08 May
NO PANTS DAY

Tuesday 09 May
Sun conjunct Uranus
Mars sextile Ceres

Wednesday 10 May
Venus sextile North Node
Pallas square North Node

Thursday 11 May
Mars square Eris

Friday 12 May
Mercury sextile Saturn
Mercury sextile Venus
Venus trine Saturn
Saturn square Juno

Saturday 13 May
NO PANTS DAY

Sunday 14 May
Mercury turns direct
Sun trine Ceres

Monday 15 May
Mars trine Neptune

Eclipse, Schmlipse! Cheers, Bitch! BitchScopes for May 1-7

Now you can find all the podcasts under one roof - "House of Bleep Productions"!  

https://bit.ly/3oXnsmV

(The old links still work but we are trying to pull all listeners into the House of Bleep audience)

Email me: Kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

There’s a number of things to talk about this week. We are in the thick of Mercury retrograde, (who is having a ball messing up all of my electronic and digital experiences right now!). To add to that, we kick off this week with another retrograde and end with an eclipse, and honorable mention goes to Venus, who is super busy this week, in true Gemini fashion! In order, Venus makes the following aspects:

• Square to Ceres (loving others until you feel resentful of them)
• Sextile to Eris (dramatic and independent in love)
• Square to Neptune (insecurity)
• Sextile to Jupiter (expressive and creative)
• Trine to Elatus (eloquent expression)
• Conjunct to Chaos (unexpected events)
• Quincunx to Pluto (insecurity and power struggles)

And then after all that she needs a damn break and enters Cancer! Wow. Girl, yes…have a snack and nap like a Cancer would!

May 1st is May Day or Beltane, the Gaelic festival of Spring. The major themes of Beltane are fire, flowers, and fertility.   Bonfires were traditionally built and were thought to have protective powers.  Households would extinguish their candles and lamps and relight them with the flame from the Beltane bonfire.  Take this opportunity to either literally or figuratively throw stuff into the fire that you are done with.  You can write them on a piece of paper and then burn it in the flame of a candle which you’ve blessed.  Green is the preferred color of Beltane.  I don’t know about you, but I think the idea of burning the old, protecting the present, and blessing the future holds a lot of appeal right now! 

Pluto will begin its annual retrograde this week, kicking off the retrograde season, which coincides with eclipse season. Both happen every year so this isn’t anything new.  Pluto’s retrograde is significant this year because we JUST got out of Pluto in Capricorn, and specifically Pluto at 29° of Cap…and his retrograde will take us back into those final degrees of Capricorn again.  So we will continue to see members of the “ruling elite” or the Plutocracy, called out for their bullshit and knocked off their high horses. This is going to go on for the rest of this year. So we will be revisiting all kinds of issues regarding power and control and the structures of government.  It has been interesting to see the protests and mantrums happening in congress.  Much of that didn’t start until Pluto was in Aquarius, and now it’s a full blown battle for democracy as we know it.  The harder the oppressed push back against their oppressors, the louder the oppressors whine about being oppressed themselves. It’s absurd and I am ready for our civil war to be over, but we have “miles to go before we sleep”.  

The biggest news this week is another eclipse, this time in Scorpio.  Lunar eclipses can bring about changes and sometimes endings or closure; all of these changes are necessary for us to advance to the next level.  This happens on 5/5 at 14° Scorpio - 14 also reduces to a 5 - which is the number of change.  So it might be Cinco de Mayo, but Scorpio brings a pretty serious energy to the party on and around this day.  Scorpio rules the 8th house of transformation. The 8th house also rules “other people’s money”.  2 weeks ago we had an eclipse in Taurus, which is opposite Scorpio and relates to money we earn.  Themes for this are: getting our finances in order, examining our value, what makes us feel valued, what makes us feel secure, what changes need to happen in order to transform the power balance in these areas of our lives. 

As events and issues pop up in the wake of this eclipse, try to observe before judging it.  Try not to over react.  Stand in your power.  Think like a Scorpio and be strategic when necessary.  But ultimately, allow the transformation to take place.  

It is fascinating to me that eclipses repeat to the exact degree every 19 years. Math - if I’d known how cool it was back in the day.  Anyway, the last time we had this exact eclipse was May 4, 2004. The themes repeat, but not the exact circumstances.  (In 2004 I had a 5 month old baby, and that was pretty much the influence of my life at that time. so…no.) Think about the themes during that time, and then apply the Scorpio themes and the themes of the house and axis of the eclipse.  

Let’s use me as an example.  The 2004 eclipse hit my 6th and 12th house axis of Scorpio and Taurus, respectively. (As an Aquarius, it would hit my solar 10th/4th houses, and this is why its a great idea to read your scopes for both your sun and rising sign.)   I had a 5 month old baby, so my body (6th house) was healing (12th) and I was trying to figure out where I ended and baby began.  I was breastfeeding, and at that time I was figuring it all out but finding a good routine.  But, there was no sexual aspect to my breasts…it was all baby oriented. (That is all very 6th and Taurus, which rules the breasts but also Scorpio which is sexuality).  I had zero interest in sex, which could be an indicator of my marriage, or could have been me and my body trying to navigate the healing process.  (As an aside, I think we greatly underestimate the time it takes for the post partum body to heal!  6 weeks my ass!)  My routine (6th house) was  understandably a disaster because…newborn.  I had just returned to work (10th house) by this time so I was juggling that with my new family responsibilities.  If I extrapolate to the current circumstances, my body is healing from different things now (long covid, Shingles, chronic pain). I am working from home. I’m on the brink of menopause.  And I’m trying to give that same baby life skills so he can go out on his own soon. Let’s not forget the financial themes of Taurus and Scorpio…in 2004 we were figuring out how to afford daycare and managing debt.  In 2023, I am figuring out how to pay for college, and managing debt! 

I would also like to add this information for those of you who unconsciously assume eclipses will be negative events. I did a deep dive into my chart and looked at all the eclipses that have hit my Sun, Moon, or Ascendant directly in my lifetime.  In the past when I have known this was coming it would give me a sense of dread knowing that the eclipse would hit me so directly and try as I might I could never find any meaningful information that would soothe me.  I noted the big things going on during each of those periods and almost all of them were overwhelmingly positive.  The hardest ones were the Lunar Eclipses on my ascendant, but even in those cases, I made a choice myself to exit a situation.  So if you dread these things, trust me...it's going to be ok! In fact, things might be "very ok", or even great! 

Let’s look at what’s in store for each sign. And I think I’ll pair each scope with a wine…because that seems appropriate! 

ARIES - The eclipse this week hits your 8th house of intimacy, money, and rebirth, and on that same axis, the 2nd house of money earned. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 10th house of career and public image.  You were just starting to feel like you knew where you belonged and no one was holding you back with Pluto in Aquarius…you felt the freedom of being under your own authority. Maybe now you have to deal with some old work/money issues, a crusty boss, a disappointing raise etc.  Mercury is retrograding in that 2nd house too, asking you to examine what you need to  feel secure.  You know what you need to take care of in order to really move forward (if you don’t know, you will soon!).  Venus in Gemini will have you very socially busy this week, or at least communicating a lot.  You’re gonna need a wine that goes with everything, is easy to drink, and is perfect for being outside, so I’m suggesting a nice, crisp Pinot Grigio for you. Cheers, Bitch!

TAURUS - The eclipse this week hits your 7th house of partnership, and on that same axis, the 1st house of self image. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. With Mercury retrograding in your sign, I would guess that maybe you’re feeling insecure and it is causing some ripples in your relationships.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 9th house of knowledge expansion and experience.  You just got a taste of the freedom of Pluto in Aquarius in your career, and now you have to deal with some old issues around a partner, a legal issue, an unexpected work trip etc.  Pluto will move back into Aquarius at the very end of this year, so this is just an opportunity to get your ducks in a row.  Venus is very busy this week in your 2nd house, and that’s great news. She can help you make money and charm people. I’m suggesting a nice Spanish Tempranillo for you (9th house is foreign lands), because it seems bougie and might ease your stress and impress your guests! Cheers, Bitch! 

GEMINI - The eclipse this week hits your 6th house of health, wellness and routine, and on that same axis, the 12th house of secrets and solitude. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like a change in work assignments or tasks will change your routine and you’ll need to adjust. Mercury is retrograding in your 12th house so there are probably some unconscious thoughts and/or behaviors that are holding you back.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 8th house of intimacy.  You probably got a taste of the freedom of  Pluto in Aquarius in your 9th house,   and now you have to dive into those deep waters again. Meh! But this too shall pass.  Venus is busy in your sign this week, so if you want to try a new haircut, get a little botox, or update your style, this is the week to do it!  I’m suggesting Champagne or Sparkling wine for  you this week. Celebrate you! Cheers, Bitch!

CANCER - The eclipse this week hits your 5th house of creativity and pleasure, and on that same axis, the 11th house of friends and dreams. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like a problem in your peer group that prompts you to find satisfaction and meaning in creativity or romance.  Mercury is also retrograding in that 11th house so there’s already a re-assessment happening there. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 7th house of partnership.  That romance could become serious now, or power dynamics might emerge in your relationship(s) that cause you to reassess.  Venus in Gemini is currently in your 12th house of solitude, but this week after a blur of activity, she slips into your sign, making you the bell of the ball.  I’m suggesting a Merlot for you.  It’s a beloved classic, like you, that is easy to drink either for quiet pleasure or with friends. Cheers, Bitch!  

LEO - The eclipse this week hits your 4th house of home and family, and on that same axis, the 10th house of career and public life. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Is work demanding more of your time and mental resources than you’d like? Maybe your family says you seem stressed out. This is the classic work-life balancing act, and you’re not alone. Mercury is retrograding in that 10th house as well, so there’s already a focus on re-doing something there.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 6th house of health, habit and routine. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that your attention is being called back to the physical routines that give structure to your life.  Design your life and routines in a way that works for you, not in a way that works for everyone else!  Venus in Gemini is likely to have you very busy this week.  You’ll get a break next week.  In the meantime, pick up a bottle of your favorite easy-to-drink Chardonnay. It’s the antithesis of drama, and even you could use that right now! Cheers, Bitch! 

VIRGO - The eclipse this week hits your 3rd house of communication, and on that same axis, the 9th house of education and expansion. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  It might be something like feeling like you’re a little out of your depth in a particular role, or like you haven’t received the education or knowledge on a subject you’re being asked to present.  With Mercury in that 9th house, maybe you need to backtrack and review. It’s very likely you’re being too hard on yourself, as well!  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 5th house of creativity and pleasure. Are the power dynamics in your romance the way that you want them? This is your chance to examine and correct that.  Venus in Gemini will have you very busy with career issues, and you don’t get much of a break when she moves into Cancer in your 11th house of networking either.  Have a glass of something as dependable as you are (plus delish) - a Zinfandel! Cheers, Bitch!  

LIBRA - The eclipse this week hits your 2nd house of income, and on that same axis, the 8th house of debt. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. Mercury is retrograding in that 8th house as well.  So this might have something to do with budgeting, a debt repayment plan, discussing all of this with your partner. These same houses also point to feelings of security and worth, and intimacy and connection.  If you rely too much on money for your self esteem and happiness, this is the Universe reminding you that you are worthy regardless of what’s in your bank account.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 4th house of home and family to examine the power and control issues there. Meanwhile, you could consider having control over some Rosé all day! Cheers, Bitch! 

SCORPIO - The eclipse this week hits your 1st house of self. Despite your fears, this could actually align you to something better than where you are now.  You could be “on the lookout”, but this isn’t something you will miss.  On that same axis, the 7th house of relationships might give you a clue.  If a partner is being demanding or acting weird and you protect your boundaries, the scales will adjust the balance of power.  Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 3rd house of communications to make sure you have the voice to speak up for those boundaries.  Venus in Gemini will be busy in your 8th house, suggesting some emotional intensity or intimacy this week.  I selected a deep, moody wine for you - Pinot Noir.  Cheers, Bitch! 

SAGITTARIUS - The eclipse this week hits your 12th house of secrets and solitude, and on that same axis, the 6th house of health and habits. Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time. In particular I feel your sleep habits might slap you around this week. The 12th house is the house of the unconscious mind, and a bunch of other abstract concepts.  Do you dream? Do your daily habits include negative thinking? Are you being lazy about work? (Mercury is retrograde in that 6th house, so maybe business is slow, or maybe you are?) These are the things that can really hold you back from your best self.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 2nd house of income, which is no coincidence.  If your income is meh, maybe you need to look into your habits and routine. Venus in Gemini will be in your 7th house, making you oh so charming and sexy to your partner (which might further derail your work habits, but in the best way).  I suggest an exotic, adventurous wine for you…a Malbec. Cheers, Bitch!

CAPRICORN  - The eclipse this week hits your 11th house of people you know, and on that same axis, the 5th house of creativity and pleasure. I think even you would admit you are better at working than at playing.  When was the last time you took up a new hobby? New friendships are possible when you step out of the box.  Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.   Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 1st house of Oh My God Capricorns are so fucking over this shit. This is your friendly, Plutonian reminder not to give away too much of your power. Go after what you want! Yes, make it about you! Venus in Gemini will have you busy at the office this week, which is another reminder that you should do more work for yourself than for anyone else.  This is serious shit, but calls for a good, solid, dependable (much like you)  wine - Cabernet Sauvignon! Cheers, Bitch! 

AQUARIUS - The eclipse this week hits your 10th house of career and public image, and on that same axis, the 4th house of home and family (where Mercury is retrograding, possibly making your appliances and/or relatives do weird things). Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  This is that work-life balance issue that we all deal with now and then. But deeper than that, do you like what you do? Is it meaningful to you? Nothing is sadder (or more toxic) than an unfulfilled Aquarius. Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 12th house of the unconscious.  Where and how do you screw yourself over? You have the rest of this year to figure it out and stop doing it so that you can be a fulfilled badass rather than an unfulfilled ass. Venus in Gemini will be busy in your 5th house, so your creativity should be high this week.  In a wholly self serving way, I’m suggesting my favorite wine for you - Shiraz.  It’s plummy and jammy and big…like your dreams.  Cheers, Bitch!

PISCES - The eclipse this week hits your 9th house of education and experience, and on that same axis, the 3rd house of communication. You might be due for an adventure.  That could be a literal trip to somewhere exotic, or it might just be out of your comfort zone. The 3rd house also rules publishing, and Mercury is retrograde there. Are you revising a book or other project? Good! Launch it into the places you feel too humble to admit you want.   Think back to May 2004 and see if there are variations of the themes that were present at that time.  Meanwhile, Pluto will retrograde back into your 11th house of people you know, giving you networking power galore! Venus will have you busy at home or with family this week, and whether that’s good or bad, a sweet treat is good for the soul. So drink some Riesling as your dessert.  Cheers, Bitch! 

PLANETS THIS WEEK

SUN - Taurus
MERCURY  - Taurus (Rx)
VENUS --> Cancer
MARS - Cancer
JUPITER - Aries
SATURN - Pisces
URANUS - Taurus
NEPTUNE - Pisces
PLUTO - Aquarius (Rx)
CHIRON - Aries
CHARIKLO - Aquarius
CHAOS - Gemini 
N. NODE - Taurus
CERES - Virgo (Rx)
PALLAS - Cancer
JUNO --> Gemini
VESTA - Aries
LILITH - Leo
ERIS - Aries
SIRIUS- Cancer (fixed)

TRANSITS AND ASPECTS THIS WEEK

Monday 01 May
Venus square Ceres
Juno enters Gemini (direct)
Pluto turns retrograde
Sun conjunct Mercury

Tuesday 02 May
Pluto trine Juno
Venus sextile Eris

Wednesday 03 May
Sun square Lilith
Pluto opposite Pallas
Sun square Chariklo

Thursday 04 May
Venus square Neptune
Venus sextile Jupiter

Friday 05 May
Mercury conjunct Vesta
Venus trine Elatus
Full Moon Penumbral Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio 14° 10:34 am PDT

Saturday 06 May
Venus conjunct Chaos @29° Gemini

Sunday 07 May
Venus quincunx Pluto
Venus enters Cancer   

Dare I say, this week looks "Normal" (emphasis on the quotes)!? - Bitchscopes for April 24-30

Listen to BitchScopes as a Podcast on Spotify:  https://spoti.fi/3XMdHDL

Email me: Kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me

Other Bitch Podcasts: Anchor.fm/Bitchstory or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3ZcFEWo

Anchor.fm/Bitchsplaining or on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3YV6yT0

Hey Bitches, guess what? This week we do not have any 29°, or dramatic events, or “interesting” crap. This looks pretty normal, whatever the hell that is. Most of the major aspects are sextiles, which indicates ease and flow. I mean, we are in Mercury retrograde, and he’s being a real shit in my opinion, but it's mostly annoyances in my life. What are you guys experiencing? Where is your Taurus?

Monday, right off the bat, we have some conjunctions with the North Node. This will attract the right people to you…it’s a “right place right time” kinda vibe.

Tuesday the Sun sextile Saturn is a “get’r done” energy. And Venus sextiles Chiron which will draw people to you…and has the potential to heal a bit of a money issues. Let’s visualize Money being drawn to you as if it is a person. I think I’ll dig into this one more…it’s juicy.

Wednesday is a day of deeper connection to your partner, and a focus on spiritual goals. You might feel more determined to make progress on your spiritual work.

Thursday is a Chiron day - Mars squares Chiron. Squares are conflict and Mars squaring anything is a bit confrontational. This is a day you might feel triggered and a wound comes up from the past. You’ll be forced to deal with it in some way.

I just launched this email report last week. It is focused on Chiron and what you need to truly heal and move ahead based on your natal chart. (Email me if you have trouble with the purchasing process - kelly@thebitchwhisperer.me)

https://prodca.click4talk.com/c4a/admin/users_ebs_link.php?ebs_id=7126&aid=122265

Friday, Chiron’s medicine woman wife Chariklo comes in to offer compassion and space holding as you work through whatever this is (She’s included in that report as well!)

Saturday is a mixed bag. The Sun sextile Uranus wants to stir up something fun and exciting but Lilith and a Juno Elatus quincunx have some angry feelings coming up that are hard to express. Maybe dance it out! Yes, that is Dr. Kelly’s prescription.

Sunday is a no pants day. That’s like a wild card you can use as you wish.

For this week’s scopes, I’m going to zone in on Chiron, because I think it’s worth exploring how we can heal individually so we can not feel so much trauma-burn out. And there’s quite a pile up of planets in Taurus: The Sun, Uranus, Juno, and Mercury Rx. So let's check it out for each sign...




ARIES - Unexpected money is what comes to mind when I look at your chart. All that Taurus energy is in your 2nd house and with Uranus and Mercury retrograde there, it’s anyone’s guess. You might have an unexpected bill or receive an unexpected monetary gift. Mars in Cancer is in your 6th house, making you want to organize and schedule and whatnot. But that square to Chiron hits your 1st house, so there’s something happening between your job/routine and your identity. Do you have imposter syndrome? Let me assure you that you are not an imposter and are in fact a badass. So run along now…literally


TAURUS - Your outlook, mood, thought processes, conversational skills…not to mention electronics…are bound to be a little all over the place. Mars in Cancer in your 5th house will have you on a quest for fun and enjoyment. But don’t forget to put some money in the bank, because you know you have a list of things to buy and they ain’t gonna buy themselves! Actually Chiron can help you end negative money patterns, or negative feelings about money. Point being, in all your moodiness, don’t forget to pay attention to your money going in and and moving out of your bank account. Those kinds of surprises suck.


GEMINI - All that Taurus energy is in your 12th house so girl, you need to be on vacation, or staycation, or even just …alone! Mars in Cancer is in your 4th of home, so if you have the ability to be alone in your house, wahoo! You might find yourself invited somewhere and you probably don’t really want to go. But see if you can step out of your comfort zone on this, because Chiron is in your 11th house trying to heal some of your social wounding. Or you might be entertaining at your home. Either way, things are working in your favor, but do spend some time in quiet if you can. (The noise inside your head doesn’t count I guess since you can’t do anything about it. Haha ask me how I know!)


CANCER - Mars transiting your 1st house should give you an energy boost. All that Taurus energy lands in your 11th house, making your social connections and dreams for the future a focus. With Mercury retrograding there you might find yourself thinking about old friends. The Chiron square to Mars could offer you some healing opportunities about your job and how it relates to your self identity. Do you identify with what you do? How do you feel about it? Granted, this healing will first have to be triggered, so there may be a “moment” of anger first.


LEO - There’s a lot of all-over-the-place energy in your career house. Uranus has been there, making changes, but now it’s a full house and that includes Mercury retrograde. So you’re probably doing a lot of thinking about your career/job and what’s next for you. The Mars-chiron Square happens in your spirituality and belief houses. Is there a religion wound you need to tend to? Maybe some issue with forgiveness? If you can identify it, all the better. If you get triggered out of the blue, now you’ll know why.


VIRGO - All the Taurus planets are in your 9th house. Uranus has been there for a while, so some changes to how you view the world, your philosophies of life, and your beliefs, all are going through some changes and expansions. Chiron and Mars square each other from the 8th and 11th houses, respectively, which indicates some kind of trigger is possible stemming from social interactions. Your friendships, associations, maybe even your dreams for the future, are offered deep healing from the 8th house. Feels to me that you are entering the next phase of your life - it’ll be good!


LIBRA - Taurus planets are all lined up in your 8th house, so there might be some debt or taxes or other financial issues that you’re having to pay attention to now. With Mercury retrograding there it is likely this has been brewing for a bit. You have Mars at the top of your chart in Cancer, so your ability to make money is without question. The Chiron-Mars square is between your 7th house of partnership and your 10th house of career. Squares are obstacles and create friction, but they are one of the best aspects for busting through a problem. A person with a lot of squares in their natal chart is a resilient and resourceful person. You and your business or romantic partner will find a solution. So you’ve got this. On the plus side, having sexy Taurus in the potentially sexy 8th house does not suck!


SCORPIO - Well if anyone is going to hear from an Ex this Mercury retrograde, it’s you. Mercury and the other Taurus energy is all lined up in your 7th house. You can of course do what you wish with this, but it feels to me like this is mostly sexual connection. Which…yay you. But it all depends on your current circumstances. In completely different news, it looks like there’s a misalignment between your health or routine and your belief system(s). This could be something as simple as going to church (or not), or something related to your body and your current understanding and knowledge of it needs to be updated.


SAGITTARIUS - With Taurus (money) lining up in your 6th house (work), I think (in the words of the great Britney Spears) you’d better work, bitch. This could mean anything from getting a new job to setting new goals. But both Taurus and Sagittarius energy can be a bit spendy so act accordingly. The Mars-Chiron square happens between your 5th house and 8th house, which is another indication that too much fun can create debt. Get it together Sadge. I know you have Spring fever but get your head out of the clouds and get down to business so you can enjoy summer without burden.


CAPRICORN - Creativity can make you money right now. All those great ideas of yours…put them out in the world! Taurus is packing your 5th house of creativity, joy and children. Pregnancy is a 5th house thing, and creative projects can be considered birthing. Mercury Retrograde in that house indicates the possibility of a project you’ve put on hold coming back up, or…old romantic partners showing up. Ew. Forewarned is forearmed! The Mars-Chiron square is between the 7th and 4th houses, which makes me think of family living arrangements, moving in with a partner, and the issues and blockages that come up around those kinds of discussions. Squares cause friction but usually lead to problem solving as well.


AQUARIUS - Mercury retrograde is happening in your 4th house, so maybe a project will need to be redone, or there are annoying malfunctions around the house. But more interesting to me is the Mars-Chiron square between your 6th and 3rd houses. Mars in the 6th would normally be a lot of physical activity, but because Mars is in Cancer, this is more like doing the inner work. The 3rd house is about communication. So maybe there’s something you need to say or that you’re trying to figure out about yourself. With Mercury retrograde, answers may be harder to find, but you’ll get there.


PISCES - Mercury retrograde happens in your 3rd house, which is Mercury’s natural home. You might have literal communication issues, like your phone flipping out, or you may be doubling down and crank out a book in a weekend. Chiron is (and has been) in your 2nd house of earned income, healing whatever you’ve got going on there. But Mars is squaring him from the 5th house of creativity. Are your creative projects producing fruit the way they should? Is there something that needs to be tweaked to make one really get going? Mercury retrograde is actually a great time to figure that stuff out.

PLANETS THIS WEEK

SUN - Taurus
MERCURY  - Taurus (Rx)
VENUS - Gemini
MARS - Cancer
JUPITER - Aries
SATURN - Pisces
URANUS - Taurus
NEPTUNE - Pisces
PLUTO - Aquarius
CHIRON - Aries
CHARIKLO - Aquarius
CHAOS - Gemini 
N. NODE - Taurus
CERES - Virgo (Rx)
PALLAS - Cancer
JUNO - Aries
VESTA - Aries
LILITH - Leo
ERIS - Aries
SIRIUS- Cancer (fixed)

TRANSITS THIS WEEK

Monday 24 April
Sun conjunct Vesta
Sun conjunct N Node
Vesta conjunct N Node

Tuesday 25 April
Sun sextile Saturn
Venus sextile Chiron

Wednesday 26 April
Neptune sextile Juno
Saturn sextile Vesta


Thursday 27 April
Mars square Chiron

Friday 28 April
Mercury square Chariklo

Saturday 29 April
Mars sextile Uranus
Mercury square Lilith
Juno quincunx Elatus

Sunday 30 April
No pants!