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What to Expect When You're Eclipsing - New Moon Solar Eclipse BitchScopes for the week of April 25th

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Hey bitches! I’m buried in boxes so I’m gonna cut right to the chase. The big deal this week is the New Moon Solar Eclipse, of course. This is a Taurus new moon, and this set of eclipses will be in Taurus and Scorpio all year. When the feminine energy of the moon blocks out the masculine energy of the sun, we are reminded, perhaps not subtly, that we must pay attention to our bodies, our senses, our physicality, our sexuality. We are “asked” to pay attention to our own value, as well as what we value. New moon eclipses are a wilder version of a new moon, and can cause a little chaos. But chaos is a core element of the creative process, so we can expect new opportunities and projects to start swirling around us. Some doors will fly open and some will slam shut, and all of this is a course correction to get us back in alignment with our purpose and our path. Uranus in Taurus is conjunct the eclipse, which normally could indicate some possible upsetting surprises, but Mars in Pisce...

Sweary Spirituality Advice - BitchScopes for April 18-25

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Hey my beautiful Bitchtresses and Bitchsters, this weeks Scopes are going to be a bit brief due to the fact that I am in the middle of a bunch of “stuff” right now. (Nothing terrible, just the chaos of moving, and a bunch of ordinary life shit, plus teenagers, graduations, proms, etc etc. You get the idea. Just a nutty week!) There is a fair bit of emphasis on relationshippy stuff this week, but I do also sense the potential for some tensions. Part of this is due to some of us being activated and triggered by Lilith. For some of us, our expressions of independence and original thinking will be a boon to our relationship; for others, it may stir up some insecurities. However, there is enough soft and romantic vibes floating about to soothe some of what may come to the surface. There’s a carry-over theme of work being a bit disrupted, or the flow being interrupted. This may be extra frustrating if you have a strong Mercury in your chart. Mercurial minds will be sharp and fast and re...

Conjunction Junction, what's your function? BitchScopes for April 11-18

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First off, yes, I am quite pleased with that title, thank you. If you are a kid of the 70's you'll appreciate the ear worm I just gifted you. If not, just move along to the scopes, bitches.  There’s a lot of movement, inspiration, and creative energy available this week.  The goddesses are very determined this week, so if you’re on a mission and someone is in your way, well….goddess help them! And…we have a full moon, which is also a feminine energy. So let’s see what’s cookin… So right out of the gate on Monday we have Saturn square the North Node, which is feeling like there are obstacles on your path. And there are. But creativity will show the way. Tuesday is the a major red letter day…or maybe a pink letter day. It has some really lovely potential. Jupiter and Neptune meet up in Pisces. They are both co-rulers of Pisces, and haven’t been there together since 1856!! These two creative geniuses are happy to see each other and can’t wait to see what kind of magical experie...

I would like to change my “returns” policy.

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As a professional astrologer, I do try to keep things mostly positive, because I am secretly an optimist. I believe that good things can (and do) come out of even the most horrible life events. But as we all know, life is sometimes just not positive.   Sure, every 12 years we get a Jupiter return, and our confidence can be enhanced. But around 30, we get the much touted "Saturn Return". Closer to 40ish we get the "Saturn opposition" and the "Uranus opposition" (the "mid life crisis" transit). Also in our 40's we get a Pluto square and Neptune square. All of those are challenging. But if you're doing it right, you learn a lot about yourself. Until you are just about sick of learning about yourself. Then just as you're approaching 50 and you think "I'm a badass bitch and look at everything I've been through and how wise I am now. My children are older and I can focus on myself a little bit. My life is pretty stable, at leas...

Love, war, and the sacred wound - BitchScopes for April 4-11

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Interesting week, by the looks of it. We have sharp minds & fluffy hearts, but we may be introspective or reminiscing, digging up old stuff that hurt us. Romantic partners may offer a source of support for some.  For you unpartnered bitches, there is quite a bit of romance available thanks to Venus in floaty, sentimental, sensitive Pisces. It doesn’t feel like a great week at the office for most of us (there are exceptions). There’s some chaos and some butt-hurt-ed-ness, as well as some bitterness possible. All of this comes to the surface for no greater purpose than healing, but that is not usually like a day at the spa. You know how it goes. We are motivated by this hurt though, and that’s positive, even if in the moment it may not feel like it. You may be ready to polish up your resume and get the hell out, or you may realize you’ve overlooked some benefits due to your tendency to sabotage when wounded. Eris, Lilith and Mars are all present this week. Not to be outdon...

Words Matter - BitchScopes for 3/28 - 4/4

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This appears to be a very sensitive week we have coming up. The highlight is the New Moon in Aries, which is potent for starting new projects and taking action on things. But Chiron is ever-present this week, reminding us of where it hurts. Our reaction to the stimuli can vary from deep self nurturing to hostility. That means you might withdraw, or you might lash out…and it means others may withdraw from or lash out at you as well. Committed relationships are likely to lean in to each other, whereas competitors may really “poke the bear”. Speaking of the bear… Biden has been in Ukraine, visiting with some of the millions of refugees. In Putin’s chart, this new moon occurs in his 6th house, whereas it occurs in Zelensky’s 11th house. The 11th house transit is a very optimistic one which can rally hope and new support from his allies. Putin is having to work much harder than he anticipated. Out of curiosity I googled “Putin’s physical health”, becaue the 6th house rules health, well...

Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? BitchScopes for March 21-28

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There is a lot of Mercury activity this week, as well as Neptune, and various aspects to the North Node, and a sprinkling of Mars. This makes me think that there’s a lot that will transpire to put you on, or move you forward on your path, but none of it will be immediately clear to you. The mercury transits are all quite positive and empowering, but with this much aspect activity, you may feel more anxious because Mercury rules the nervous system. Neptune can also make you feel a bit disconnected. Neptune puts us in touch with your intuition and creativity, but can make things foggy and hard to grasp. Grounding is going to be very important this week. Also, tune in to that intuition, because it is going to play a crucial role for you this week. Mars makes some interesting connections this week, and they are all a little obscure. First Chiron, then Uranus, then Pallas. Mars and Chiron can facilitate healing. But Mars and Uranus can make you fidgety, jumpy, impulsive, and rash. Pa...